Once again it's 11:46 and my alarm is set to go off at 6:00. This very unhealthy sleep cycle (as in lack of sleep) has to stop. Now to actually do that instead of just talking about it.
1. Today we went trick-or-treating with our two boys. Watching them run down the sidewalk, Grayson's lion's mane bouncing with his movement, and Carter who would get up to the door, knock and then jump up and down while he waited because he couldn't contain his excitement, was pretty awesome. It felt like this: "Yup. This is what I signed up for. This is exactly one of those moments I've always wanted. And I'm living it -- right now." I just felt really lucky.
2. Both boys cried when we left them at the sitter today. That was hard. My heart broke a little and I wished I could have stayed home all day with them and cuddled and played games. I am so grateful that we are in a position where I am able to work part-time. That gives me those at-home, cuddle days and the days that I don't have them make me so much more grateful when they come.
Also, I missed my little guys terribly today. Much worse than normal. Missing people is a double-edged sword because it's painful to long for someone. But longing for someone serves as a reminder of the depth of your love for them. And I'm grateful for that too -- for the love.
3. Venting to my soul sister today. Cause I know she gets me like that.
4. Having a completely hilarious group conversation over Facebook with my family. These people are hilarious and I love them beyond all the things.
Anxiety Win:
Becoming more and more relaxed about how I eat food at work. I still find it so hard to eat anything with my hands, but there's no way around it, really, and it's a pain in the ass to figure out a way to eat a freaking sandwich without your hands. But it is cold and flu season, so I feel like I'm playing with fire. Even saying that freaks me out. I feel like just by saying it, I'm jinxing myself.
Oh lord, these problems run deep, people.
I hope you had a happy Halloween, if you celebrate that sort of thing :-)
Monday, 31 October 2016
Sunday, 30 October 2016
DAY 36 & 37 - Saturday, October 29, 2016 & Sunday, October 30: The Days' Good Things & Anxiety Wins
I completely forgot to do my three good things yesterday. Eeeeee! I actually completely spaced on them. That was the first time I've just blanked on them altogether. So now I have to remember what was good about yesterday. If you know me (and my memory) you know this is a challenge. True story.
But, here's what I can recall:
1. Having my brother, Curt, over for brunch. He comes over often for a weekend day brunch and we chat life and politics and he plays with the boys. I'm pretty sure that I've had this as one of my good things before and I can pretty much guarantee that it will show up in my good things again in the future. I don't consider re-using the same events over as cheating though, because it happens often and it's something I very much look forward to and is always a bright spot in my day, in my week, and in my life.
2. On Saturday, we had a really low-key day at home. Friday was busy -- amazing, but busy -- so Saturday was nice. We did a lot of relaxing. Grayson napped for three hours (!), I laid on the couch while he napped, and Carter half watched tv with me and half played video games with his dad (yes, parents of the year, for sure). And there was a lot of just playing with Gray's new toys. It was a lovely day.
3. Doing a puzzle with my Mother-In-Law. It was so nice to cozy in on a Saturday night and work on a puzzle with her. We've had our issues in the past, but we definitely connect on some things - some things that I don't even connect on with my own mom: we both do puzzles, we both like crappy reality TV, she would come to yoga with me, or for a pedicure. On top of that nice connection, it really was just my perfect idea of how to spend a Saturday night.
Anxiety Win:
At Swimming lessons, Carter always wants to get one of those candies from the 25 cent candy machines. I hate it when he gets those because I want to wash his hands before he eats anything with them, especially when we're out in public. I do think that, in general, that's a good practice to continue, but sometimes, it's just not practical. After his lesson, he was out with Jeff's mom and he had candy. I very badly wanted to ask her if she washed his hands (which I know she wouldn't have). But I didn't and I just let it go. LET IT GO.
DAY 37 - Sunday, October 30, 2016
1. We had a mini party for Grayson's birthday again today. It was his "kid" party. It was super low-key and felt more like a play-date than a birthday party. It was perfect.
2. That smell of fresh-out-of-the-dryer laundry. SO good. Also, I got a shit-ton of laundry done today.
3. We carved our pumpkins today. So late, I know. But it was fun and the kids enjoyed it. Grayson especially loved blowing out the candle: not helpful, but very cute.
Anxiety Win:
Not always immediately washing my hands before eating any food with said hands. Even when I'm home, I'm pretty anal about this, but I'm trying to let that go a bit. It's hard.
But, here's what I can recall:
1. Having my brother, Curt, over for brunch. He comes over often for a weekend day brunch and we chat life and politics and he plays with the boys. I'm pretty sure that I've had this as one of my good things before and I can pretty much guarantee that it will show up in my good things again in the future. I don't consider re-using the same events over as cheating though, because it happens often and it's something I very much look forward to and is always a bright spot in my day, in my week, and in my life.
2. On Saturday, we had a really low-key day at home. Friday was busy -- amazing, but busy -- so Saturday was nice. We did a lot of relaxing. Grayson napped for three hours (!), I laid on the couch while he napped, and Carter half watched tv with me and half played video games with his dad (yes, parents of the year, for sure). And there was a lot of just playing with Gray's new toys. It was a lovely day.
3. Doing a puzzle with my Mother-In-Law. It was so nice to cozy in on a Saturday night and work on a puzzle with her. We've had our issues in the past, but we definitely connect on some things - some things that I don't even connect on with my own mom: we both do puzzles, we both like crappy reality TV, she would come to yoga with me, or for a pedicure. On top of that nice connection, it really was just my perfect idea of how to spend a Saturday night.
Anxiety Win:
At Swimming lessons, Carter always wants to get one of those candies from the 25 cent candy machines. I hate it when he gets those because I want to wash his hands before he eats anything with them, especially when we're out in public. I do think that, in general, that's a good practice to continue, but sometimes, it's just not practical. After his lesson, he was out with Jeff's mom and he had candy. I very badly wanted to ask her if she washed his hands (which I know she wouldn't have). But I didn't and I just let it go. LET IT GO.
DAY 37 - Sunday, October 30, 2016
1. We had a mini party for Grayson's birthday again today. It was his "kid" party. It was super low-key and felt more like a play-date than a birthday party. It was perfect.
2. That smell of fresh-out-of-the-dryer laundry. SO good. Also, I got a shit-ton of laundry done today.
3. We carved our pumpkins today. So late, I know. But it was fun and the kids enjoyed it. Grayson especially loved blowing out the candle: not helpful, but very cute.
Anxiety Win:
Not always immediately washing my hands before eating any food with said hands. Even when I'm home, I'm pretty anal about this, but I'm trying to let that go a bit. It's hard.
Friday, 28 October 2016
DAY 35 - Friday, October 28, 2016: Today's Good Things & An Anxiety Win
Friday, October 28, 2016. At 6:09 p.m. my beautiful baby boy turned into a two year old.
1. At 6:09 p.m. my Grayson James was surrounded by family and so much love.
This year we had a much smaller party that we typically have. We usually have pretty much everyone on my mom's side. It ends up being about twenty-five people crammed into our house. I just didn't feel up to that this year, so we just had the family he's closest to. He was so happy having some of his very favourite people here, namely: NanaPe (Grandpa), Amma (Grandma) and his Uncles (Uncle Curt and Uncle Joel).
I just felt like it was a near perfect night. He was so happy and I just feel that he is so loved. And this makes me feel that he had the most wonderful birthday.
2. Grayson loved opening presents and that was so fun to watch. Carter still didn't care by the time he was two and then he only barely cared by the time he was three. He did care at his fourth birthday, but still not as much as I had expected him to. I think this year will be his year. But, Grayson sure thought it was the bees knees. He kept yelling "help" when he couldn't get it open and then he would say, "pull, pull, pull" because we all kept telling him to pull the paper. He was a man on a mission, that's for sure.
3. Carter helped us decorate. I felt like he was pretty excited about throwing Grayson a party and it felt like something we were all doing together. He had some rough points in the night for sure. I think how tired he was showed, but that's okay when you're only almost five. He mostly had fun playing with the new toys Grayson got and with everyone here.
Anxiety Win:
Not asking my mother-in-law if she washed her hands when we got home from shopping. I wanted to so bad. But I didn't. I came up with all sorts of reasons why I should, but I didn't. #winning
This was a great day, but I am beat.
<3
Thursday, 27 October 2016
DAY 34 - Thursday, October 27, 2016: Today's Good Things & An Anxiety Win
My baby is going to be two years old tomorrow. TWO. I am not going to talk anymore about that because I just can't.
Today's good things:
1. I didn't work today and got to spend the day with my family. Grayson was an absolute grouch this morning and ended up napping for almost three hours this afternoon and he was mr. happy pants after that. In spite of his grouchy self, it was nice to spend the day with my fam.
2. The reason I was off today was so that I would be able to go to Carter's preschool pick up and watch the little surprise performance they had been practicing. It was pretty freaking sweet and I grinned like an idiot the entire time.
3. I laid down this afternoon for about an hour and a half and there are few things better than an afternoon nap. (Don't ask me what they are, or I'll tell you.)
Anxiety Win:
One of the things I don't like is sharing food or drink with anyone. I feel like it increases my risk of getting a virus that they may not yet have symptoms of. This includes my kids. Today, they each ate half of their yogurt before bed and rather than throwing them away, I ate the remainder of both of them. Sounds like such a silly thing to consider a victory, but it totally is.
I'm now going to bed to play dumb word games on my phone and I'm pretty excited about sinking into my big bed and enjoying the cool, fresh air of the open window.
Today's good things:
1. I didn't work today and got to spend the day with my family. Grayson was an absolute grouch this morning and ended up napping for almost three hours this afternoon and he was mr. happy pants after that. In spite of his grouchy self, it was nice to spend the day with my fam.
2. The reason I was off today was so that I would be able to go to Carter's preschool pick up and watch the little surprise performance they had been practicing. It was pretty freaking sweet and I grinned like an idiot the entire time.
3. I laid down this afternoon for about an hour and a half and there are few things better than an afternoon nap. (Don't ask me what they are, or I'll tell you.)
Anxiety Win:
One of the things I don't like is sharing food or drink with anyone. I feel like it increases my risk of getting a virus that they may not yet have symptoms of. This includes my kids. Today, they each ate half of their yogurt before bed and rather than throwing them away, I ate the remainder of both of them. Sounds like such a silly thing to consider a victory, but it totally is.
I'm now going to bed to play dumb word games on my phone and I'm pretty excited about sinking into my big bed and enjoying the cool, fresh air of the open window.
Wednesday, 26 October 2016
DAY 33 - Wednesday, October 26, 2016: Today's Good Things & An Anxiety Win
This was my day:
I got up, got ready for work; ran Carter to preschool to drop him off; went right from there to Grayson's growth check; ran him to the babysitter's; ran in to work; worked for 5.5 hours with about a 10 minute coffee break; picked up the boys and headed to mom's for supper; got home at 7:15 (past everyone's bedtime); walked with the munchkins to the school down the street to vote in the municipal election; looked like the crazy mom running after her two year old while I was there; came home; bedtime snacks and pjs; books; bed. Then I sat my ass on the couch (at 8:30) and haven't gotten up since. I'm beat.
Today was Grayson's two-year growth check. He will be two years old on Friday (why and how?!). He is in the 37th percentile for weight at 25.3 pounds and the 33rd percentile for height at 33.7 inches. At his last growth check six months ago he was 71st percentile for weight at 25 pounds and the 55th percentile for height at 32 inches.
I was a tiny bit concerned that he hasn't gained any weight, but his doctor wasn't at all, especially considering he is doing exceptionally well in all other developmental areas. She said he's just getting to be "long and lean" like his mama :-)
Ha! Long and lean my ass.
I've talked a lot about how insecure I am about my weight. I am small -- very thin. I've been built this way my whole life and I was picked on in elementary school for being "too skinny." So it's a point of insecurity for me (sometimes; truthfully, other times I'm like, "my god, my body is kick ass." I'm not trying to be arrogant, but just honest about how I feel about myself.) Anyway, I always wished I could be a curvier girl. Bigger boobs (who doesn't want that -- except the really big-boobed among us), an actual ass (I must not have been in line on the day that God was handing those suckers out. ... maybe JLo got my share. Damned JLo); and bigger hips. I just wish I was "fluffier" all around. I loved being pregnant because I gained weight and just felt "softer". Of course, after baby comes and the weight starts to fall off I'm left being my bony self. *sigh*
That was a very long and ridiculous digression, but screw you, it's my blog and I felt like writing it. I bring this up because my stomach in particular has felt "fat" lately. I totally look freaking pregnant (which would be fine if I was actually pregnant). I have been eating terribly these last few months: entire bags of potato chips all to myself; a bag of popcorn with butter on it all to myself; a piece of pumpkin pie with an obscene amount of whipped cream right before bed. And then I wonder why my belly looks fater. Hmmm... what COULD it be?
So, today at the doctor's office, I weighed myself on their good scale, cause ours doesn't have batteries (I don't think) and isn't awesome. I didn't actually think my weight would be any different than it has been for the last year (about 116 pounds). The only reason that I actually weighed myself was so that I could get batteries in our scale at home and figure out how "off" it is so that I can see how much Carter weighs. (More digression... ANYWAY...), I now weigh 120.4 pounds. Say whaaaaaa? I don't care at all that I've gained weight, but think it's funny that I was hoping Gray would have gained weight and here he didn't, but I did. Jeff called it the "+4 popcorn power." He's right about that!
I don't care about the number on the scale, but I do wish my stomach was tighter and flatter (who doesn't, except people who already have this?). So, I probably should start eating better and exercising to tone and strengthen my core. So to start this off right, tonight I had a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks with whole milk and whipped cream. Yup. I can feel my stomach getting tighter right now.
Okay, what was good about today:
1. I worked today so that I could get tomorrow off. I don't want to talk about tomorrow because these posts are supposed to be about what was good about today, not looking to the good things in the future. SO, it's nice that I got my three days done and out of the way already. It feels good. On top of that, it was another really productive day at work. I've had razor sharp focus this week and that's been fan-freaking-tastic.
2. I felt pretty today. It's nice to feel pretty now and again.
3. I missed my boys today and was pretty damned happy to pick them up at the sitter's. They were both so excited to see me, which made me feel pretty good.
Anxiety Win:At the doctor's office today, Grayson saw a toy car that they had in the room we were in while we waited for the doctor. I didn't want to let him have it because I feel like - even more than anywhere else - kid toys at a doctor's office are chalked full of germs that I don't want my kid to come into contact with. I kind of tried to distract him with something else for a second and then, knowing I was being silly, gave him the truck thinking, "fine, this can be my anxiety win for the day."
That's one of the good things about doing this anxiety win posts; quite a few times I've actually done things I didn't want to do because I knew that I could turn around and use them for my anxiety win. I'm actually pushing myself to go beyond my comfort zone because of these posts and that makes the posts doubly fruitful: they are helping me to focus on the progress I'm making, which will help to build confidence going forward; and they also encourage me to push myself in ways I might not have without the need for a win to reference.
#WINNING #StillALittleFreakedOutThough
I got up, got ready for work; ran Carter to preschool to drop him off; went right from there to Grayson's growth check; ran him to the babysitter's; ran in to work; worked for 5.5 hours with about a 10 minute coffee break; picked up the boys and headed to mom's for supper; got home at 7:15 (past everyone's bedtime); walked with the munchkins to the school down the street to vote in the municipal election; looked like the crazy mom running after her two year old while I was there; came home; bedtime snacks and pjs; books; bed. Then I sat my ass on the couch (at 8:30) and haven't gotten up since. I'm beat.
Today was Grayson's two-year growth check. He will be two years old on Friday (why and how?!). He is in the 37th percentile for weight at 25.3 pounds and the 33rd percentile for height at 33.7 inches. At his last growth check six months ago he was 71st percentile for weight at 25 pounds and the 55th percentile for height at 32 inches.
I was a tiny bit concerned that he hasn't gained any weight, but his doctor wasn't at all, especially considering he is doing exceptionally well in all other developmental areas. She said he's just getting to be "long and lean" like his mama :-)
Ha! Long and lean my ass.
I've talked a lot about how insecure I am about my weight. I am small -- very thin. I've been built this way my whole life and I was picked on in elementary school for being "too skinny." So it's a point of insecurity for me (sometimes; truthfully, other times I'm like, "my god, my body is kick ass." I'm not trying to be arrogant, but just honest about how I feel about myself.) Anyway, I always wished I could be a curvier girl. Bigger boobs (who doesn't want that -- except the really big-boobed among us), an actual ass (I must not have been in line on the day that God was handing those suckers out. ... maybe JLo got my share. Damned JLo); and bigger hips. I just wish I was "fluffier" all around. I loved being pregnant because I gained weight and just felt "softer". Of course, after baby comes and the weight starts to fall off I'm left being my bony self. *sigh*
That was a very long and ridiculous digression, but screw you, it's my blog and I felt like writing it. I bring this up because my stomach in particular has felt "fat" lately. I totally look freaking pregnant (which would be fine if I was actually pregnant). I have been eating terribly these last few months: entire bags of potato chips all to myself; a bag of popcorn with butter on it all to myself; a piece of pumpkin pie with an obscene amount of whipped cream right before bed. And then I wonder why my belly looks fater. Hmmm... what COULD it be?
So, today at the doctor's office, I weighed myself on their good scale, cause ours doesn't have batteries (I don't think) and isn't awesome. I didn't actually think my weight would be any different than it has been for the last year (about 116 pounds). The only reason that I actually weighed myself was so that I could get batteries in our scale at home and figure out how "off" it is so that I can see how much Carter weighs. (More digression... ANYWAY...), I now weigh 120.4 pounds. Say whaaaaaa? I don't care at all that I've gained weight, but think it's funny that I was hoping Gray would have gained weight and here he didn't, but I did. Jeff called it the "+4 popcorn power." He's right about that!
I don't care about the number on the scale, but I do wish my stomach was tighter and flatter (who doesn't, except people who already have this?). So, I probably should start eating better and exercising to tone and strengthen my core. So to start this off right, tonight I had a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks with whole milk and whipped cream. Yup. I can feel my stomach getting tighter right now.
Okay, what was good about today:
1. I worked today so that I could get tomorrow off. I don't want to talk about tomorrow because these posts are supposed to be about what was good about today, not looking to the good things in the future. SO, it's nice that I got my three days done and out of the way already. It feels good. On top of that, it was another really productive day at work. I've had razor sharp focus this week and that's been fan-freaking-tastic.
2. I felt pretty today. It's nice to feel pretty now and again.
3. I missed my boys today and was pretty damned happy to pick them up at the sitter's. They were both so excited to see me, which made me feel pretty good.
Anxiety Win:At the doctor's office today, Grayson saw a toy car that they had in the room we were in while we waited for the doctor. I didn't want to let him have it because I feel like - even more than anywhere else - kid toys at a doctor's office are chalked full of germs that I don't want my kid to come into contact with. I kind of tried to distract him with something else for a second and then, knowing I was being silly, gave him the truck thinking, "fine, this can be my anxiety win for the day."
That's one of the good things about doing this anxiety win posts; quite a few times I've actually done things I didn't want to do because I knew that I could turn around and use them for my anxiety win. I'm actually pushing myself to go beyond my comfort zone because of these posts and that makes the posts doubly fruitful: they are helping me to focus on the progress I'm making, which will help to build confidence going forward; and they also encourage me to push myself in ways I might not have without the need for a win to reference.
#WINNING #StillALittleFreakedOutThough
Tuesday, 25 October 2016
DAY 32 - Tuesday, October 25, 2016: Today's Good Things & Today's Anxiety Win
I am still feeling very emotionally "off" today. Oddly emotional or sensitive. (No, I am definitely not pregnant.) I'm not a particularly sensitive or defensive person, but today, and yesterday, I felt off and lonely. I'm not entirely certain why. I think everyone has those days (maybe they don't?) where they feel inconsequential, unimportant, lacking in any particular gift and/or skill, and altogether uninteresting or unimpressive.
This is not a plea for pity. This is not an attempt to garner attention and this is not a sly request to hear the ways in which I am the opposite of all of those things. This is simply an account of my feelings. I'm just putting them out there. Often when I do that, the feelings lose their hold on me. This is true of my anxiety as well. I think it's got something to do with taking control back through the act of writing. At least, for me it does.
I feel mousy. That makes no sense. But I feel small and like I want to fold in on myself. I feel a little meek. A little embarrassed about my often loud voice, my tendency to tell everyone everything, my naive and very incorrect assumption that people will attempt to empathize with me, instead of judge me. I feel a little like taking a day and hiding under a blanket; talking to no one; not hearing the sound of my own voice even once just for a day.
I don't know why I feel this way. No one has done anything. No one (that I know of) has actually gossiped about me, laughed at me, teased me. I just feel vulnerable all of a sudden -- a feeling that likely comes with feeling overly emotional.
Emotions are weird and confusing and a pain in the ass. But without them, there would be no happiness and can you imagine a life without bliss? I hope not.
That was quite the digression. Time to talk about some good things.
1. I had another really productive day at work. There is little better feeling than that of being really productive.
2. I had my follow-up eye appointment at the optometrist today. They asked me to come back and redo an eye test, which I assumed meant some sort of death-by-eye disease (of course). Not so, as it turns out. My eyes are wonderfully healthy. And they are also big like alien eyes. That is not something that the eye doctor said; this is simply my own observation.
3. Last minute this evening my boss allowed me to switch around my work days so that I could be at Carter's preschool to pick him up on Thursday. He will be wearing his Halloween costume there, so I didn't want to miss dropping him off in his Paw Patrol outfit and then, just today, the preschool teacher let us know that we should come to pick up five minutes early because the kids have a little something prepared for us.
I so appreciate that my boss and workplace are flexible in this way and that I am allowed to (last minute) make changes like this so that I don't miss anything to do with my kids. I have waited my whole life to be a mom and for moments like this: little songs sung by my mini-me in a preschool class and I'm so fortunate to be in a position where I am not forced to miss those moments. <3
Anxiety Win:
Jeff had a migraine this morning and often his migraines make him nauseous. On our way to the babysitter's today, I thought he might actually need to pull over to throw up. He didn't, but I didn't feel freaked the eff out about it. I felt very whatever about it in terms of my anxiety. Literally, this kind of "close encounter" would have made me shake physically in the past, and I would have thought about it all day. But it felt like a non-event, and my bigger concern was doing whatever I could do to care for him. #SoEffingWinningAtThis #IStillDontWantTheStomachFluAtMyHouse #ImStillScaredOfGettingSick
This is not a plea for pity. This is not an attempt to garner attention and this is not a sly request to hear the ways in which I am the opposite of all of those things. This is simply an account of my feelings. I'm just putting them out there. Often when I do that, the feelings lose their hold on me. This is true of my anxiety as well. I think it's got something to do with taking control back through the act of writing. At least, for me it does.
I feel mousy. That makes no sense. But I feel small and like I want to fold in on myself. I feel a little meek. A little embarrassed about my often loud voice, my tendency to tell everyone everything, my naive and very incorrect assumption that people will attempt to empathize with me, instead of judge me. I feel a little like taking a day and hiding under a blanket; talking to no one; not hearing the sound of my own voice even once just for a day.
I don't know why I feel this way. No one has done anything. No one (that I know of) has actually gossiped about me, laughed at me, teased me. I just feel vulnerable all of a sudden -- a feeling that likely comes with feeling overly emotional.
Emotions are weird and confusing and a pain in the ass. But without them, there would be no happiness and can you imagine a life without bliss? I hope not.
That was quite the digression. Time to talk about some good things.
1. I had another really productive day at work. There is little better feeling than that of being really productive.
2. I had my follow-up eye appointment at the optometrist today. They asked me to come back and redo an eye test, which I assumed meant some sort of death-by-eye disease (of course). Not so, as it turns out. My eyes are wonderfully healthy. And they are also big like alien eyes. That is not something that the eye doctor said; this is simply my own observation.
3. Last minute this evening my boss allowed me to switch around my work days so that I could be at Carter's preschool to pick him up on Thursday. He will be wearing his Halloween costume there, so I didn't want to miss dropping him off in his Paw Patrol outfit and then, just today, the preschool teacher let us know that we should come to pick up five minutes early because the kids have a little something prepared for us.
I so appreciate that my boss and workplace are flexible in this way and that I am allowed to (last minute) make changes like this so that I don't miss anything to do with my kids. I have waited my whole life to be a mom and for moments like this: little songs sung by my mini-me in a preschool class and I'm so fortunate to be in a position where I am not forced to miss those moments. <3
Anxiety Win:
Jeff had a migraine this morning and often his migraines make him nauseous. On our way to the babysitter's today, I thought he might actually need to pull over to throw up. He didn't, but I didn't feel freaked the eff out about it. I felt very whatever about it in terms of my anxiety. Literally, this kind of "close encounter" would have made me shake physically in the past, and I would have thought about it all day. But it felt like a non-event, and my bigger concern was doing whatever I could do to care for him. #SoEffingWinningAtThis #IStillDontWantTheStomachFluAtMyHouse #ImStillScaredOfGettingSick
Monday, 24 October 2016
DAY 31 - Monday, October 24, 2016: Today's Good Things & Anxiety Win
I think it's funny that just yesterday I posted about how happy I am with how these "3 good things" posts are going -- especially that I haven't felt that I have been having to pull them out of myself. And now, today, I just have zero desire to write a post or to list anything good. Not because I had a bad day; I had quite a good day, I just feel an utter lack of bliss currently.
I worked today from 9 - 5:30 and I didn't take a break. It was an exceptionally productive day at work, which is good thing #1, but it didn't leave any room for pleasantness, particularly, or joy.
Because I got home just after 6:00 and was exhausted from the lack of downtime today, I felt pretty spent. I ate supper and sat on the couch while I watched my sweet boys play. I think the lack of interaction with them is a bit of a downer, but I was just too tired. I don't know how Jeff does those long days all week.
I also just felt extra anxious today, for no particular reason. All day, too.
Anyway, let's move on, shall we.
2. Jeff stayed home with the boys while I worked today. There is something nice about knowing my boys are at home with their dad. And I'm happy they got to spend some time alone with him after he was gone for the entirety of last week.
3. I am now going to lay in bed and play word games on my phone until I fall asleep. Lame, but good times :-)
Anxiety Win:
Jeff took the boys shopping today while I was at work. He mentioned that he gave them both fruit snack treats for in the car on the way home. I really wanted to ask if he had them in a shopping cart and, if he did, if he washed their hands before giving them treats. I'm going to guess that, yes, he used a cart, and no, he didn't wash their hands. And this bugs me. A lot. But I didn't ask. #effingwinning
I worked today from 9 - 5:30 and I didn't take a break. It was an exceptionally productive day at work, which is good thing #1, but it didn't leave any room for pleasantness, particularly, or joy.
Because I got home just after 6:00 and was exhausted from the lack of downtime today, I felt pretty spent. I ate supper and sat on the couch while I watched my sweet boys play. I think the lack of interaction with them is a bit of a downer, but I was just too tired. I don't know how Jeff does those long days all week.
I also just felt extra anxious today, for no particular reason. All day, too.
Anyway, let's move on, shall we.
2. Jeff stayed home with the boys while I worked today. There is something nice about knowing my boys are at home with their dad. And I'm happy they got to spend some time alone with him after he was gone for the entirety of last week.
3. I am now going to lay in bed and play word games on my phone until I fall asleep. Lame, but good times :-)
Anxiety Win:
Jeff took the boys shopping today while I was at work. He mentioned that he gave them both fruit snack treats for in the car on the way home. I really wanted to ask if he had them in a shopping cart and, if he did, if he washed their hands before giving them treats. I'm going to guess that, yes, he used a cart, and no, he didn't wash their hands. And this bugs me. A lot. But I didn't ask. #effingwinning
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