Some honest mom time

Some honest mom time, served to you on a gold platter. I'm struggling today - the last day of 2014. Grayson's sleep at night is getting worse. I'm lucky if I get five hours of broken sleep a night now. The longest stretch I've been getting is about 1.5 hours and I usually only get that stretch once; the rest of the sleep stretches are an hour or less. Last night was our worst night since Grayson's birth. He had his immunizations yesterday and I'm hoping that's the cause for last night's lack of sleep, but I'm not holding my breath about it. It would seem that I'm fresh out of positivity and faith.

Today felt like everything I attempted was a gross failure. Like the universe is laughing at me for being dumb enough to believe any of my tasks would just be completed without someone in my house (including me) having a meltdown. I'm usually pretty positive in my posts, but the low days are a reality of parenthood too.

Just before Christmas (December 21) I wrote this note in an app on my phone. It doesn't really address my frustrations of today in particular, but it does depict the less desirable days of what's affectionately known as "momlife." So enjoy.

(This will be excellent reassurance for those of you who have decided not to have kids. For those of you with kids, remind me that this too shall pass, because today, in my current mood, I'm fairly certain I'll be stuck in this chapter for eternity.)

(And please excuse my spelling or punctuation errors. I'm typing this on my phone, which likes to screw with me via autocorrect and, in case I haven't made it clear enough, I'm fucking tired.)

.......
December 21, 2014

I'm so exasperated. All day err'y day all I do is try to get Grayson to sleep and then try to keep him asleep. I try in his swing, in his bouncer, in his basinet, in his crib, on the couch. I try putting him down fully awake, fully asleep, half asleep. I try to nurse him to sleep, rock, bounce him to sleep, with or without the bum pat. I try to do none of the above and just hold him while being still. As I said, I will lay him down fully awake. He will only fall asleep if he's being held. But he does fall asleep, usually after putting up a good fight, so I stop the rocking, bouncing, and patting, or whatever it was. I do this charade in the living room with the tv on and a (sometimes) noisy toddler; I do it in a bright living room with curtains open, or a dark, curtains drawn, living room. I do it alone in my room or the nursery, in the dark with no noise except a sound machine. It doesn't matter what combination of things I do, how long I spend, how dark or bright, swing or no swing, noise or no noise, pat or no pat; all is fine until I am foolish enough to think I can put him down. Within minutes (today at least) he's awake and screaming. So I start all over. My breaks from this are to get Carter food, try to get Carter to eat that food, try to get Carter to stay at the table to eat that food, and to change diapers.

At this moment Grayson is sleeping in his swing. It's actually longer than 5 minutes, but I'm still scared he'll wake up any minute. But, for now, this freedom provides me with some options:

I could clean the kitchen, put away the laundry, see if Carter wants to do a quiet activity - like colouring. I could attempt to cross some to-dos of my list - the list that feels like it will never be complete. I could read the novel I started.

Today, however, for the first time, I completely lack motivation. What's the point in trying to clean the kitchen? My house is always a mess. Anyone who comes over must think I really never do anything at all. So I may as well not do anything at all. I feel utterly exhausted even though I got more sleep last night then the night before. And by more sleep, I mean about five and a half broken hours. I think lack of sleep and a baby who is either crying or attached to me is the reason for today's low. But it's still a low and it sucks.

I choose to write this instead because I feel like a balloon with too much air and I need a release. Maybe saying this out loud will make me want to cry less. Probably not.

Well, Grayson is still sleeping. The odd time he will sleep for 2+ hours. Usually, though, it's a half an hour. And Carter just pooped in diaper and I just realized he dumped the cat's food out - again. At least that solved the "what do I do with this magical free time" conundrum.

*Sigh*

Update: Grayson woke up right after I changed Carter's diaper.

*double sigh*

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 83

For Monday, November 10th

1. We went to Costco around supper time with two kids and I have to call it a triumphant success. I had just nursed Grayson before we left so he just slept the whole time, and Carter was a really good boy. He is usually a pretty good shopper, but he was exceptionally good this time. Afterwards, we grabbed hot dogs and chicken fingers and fries (super healthy, I know) from Costco for supper. Carter continued on his good boy streak and ate an awesome supper.

2. While we were at Costco, we found this set of Mickey Mouse books and bought them for Carter. I've talked before about the obsession Carter now has with Mickey Mouse, so we were excited to find the books. Some things we buy him and save it for Christmas/his birthday, but we couldn't make him wait until Christmas for these. He got so excited when he saw them. 

As an aside, I think it's so funny how I used to love buying myself things and now, my version of retail therapy is buying clothes/toys/shoes for my kids. It's a truly strange shift that you don't see coming. 

3. I'm so happy that Jeff is off for one more day. When he's home, I get to sleep in, in the mornings since he gets up with Carter and I feel so much better rested for the day!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 82

For Sunday, November 9th

Today was a rough Carter day... again. Man, toddlers are challenging. Newborns make sure you have no sleep, but toddlers make sure you are always on the verge of checking yourself into a mental facility. And my toddler takes his job very effing seriously. Nonetheless, the day, like all days, had its finer moments.

1.  My parents bought me flowers and this amazing necklace as a "thank you" for their newest grandson. Opal or pink are the options for Grayson's birthstone, so they went with the opal. I'm not a huge fan of pink, so the opal was a better choice for me. When Carter was born, I got flowers and a necklace with his birthstone as well, and so when my mom showed up with a Ben Moss bag and flowers, I had a pretty good guess about what was in there. And, like when they gave me the necklace after Carter was born, I started to cry. (To to fair and honest, this time the tears were in part because Carter had just had the worst and longest meltdown he's ever had and I was extraordinarily stressed.) Either way, I think the necklace is beautiful and the sentiment is so meaningful.

2. Tonight, I left Carter at home with his dad and Grayson and I went to uncle Joel's for supper with my fam. I was actually planning on taking Carter and Grayson on my own and giving Jeff a couple hours to himself to decompress and do something fun (I knew I'd have a ton of help with the kids once I got to Joel's), but since Carter decided to have the most epic of meltdowns due to yet another no nap day (what the eff is up with this?!), I knew he would need to be in bed pretty early and that taking him out to a house where his crazy uncles would rile him up and where we probably wouldn't get home until after his bedtime, wasn't a stellar idea. Anyway, so it was just Grayson and I who went for supper and visiting with my family, without the distraction of a crazy toddler made for a relaxing evening. 

3. I should have put this as one of my graces for Friday, but forgot. So, as I mentioned, Friday was Jeff's first day back to work and my first day alone with two kids. At one point, I was in the kitchen and both boys were in the living room; Grayson was in his swing sleeping and Carter was playing on the play mat. I heard Grayson start to squawk, which, like most newborns, he does in his sleep a lot. So I poked my head around the wall to see him. Carter didn't see me do this and didn't know I was watching, but as I stood there, he got up from paying with his toys and went right over to the swing. For a minute he just stood there looking at Grayson and then he finally gave him a gentle pat on the head like he always does. 

People had told me before that when you have two kids, watching them interact and bond and seeing how much they love each other is an incredible thing, but nothing prepared my heart for the love and happiness I felt in that moment. As Carter completed his check to make sure our baby was okay and sat back down to play, my heart might have exploded. I will never forget that moment.  

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 81

For Saturday, November 8th

*If you are looking for a new drinking game, please get your beverage of choice ready and take a drink every time I say "Mickey Mouse." You are likely to be too intoxicated to finish reading this post, however. Good luck.*

Today wasn't an awesome day, but I suppose not every day can be. I felt a little cranky, really tired, and more inpatient than normal. Grayson has been doing better than a lot of newborns in terms of night sleep; I'd say I'm averaging about five to five and a half hours of (broken) sleep, but that's up from the three or so I was getting in the first week. In spite of his decent sleeping, I'm still only getting five hours, which obviously isn't really enough for anyone and I'm sure my body is trying desperately to catch up from the lack of sleep last week.

Grayson was fussy for a big chunk of the afternoon and I just never really managed to feel awake today. Today was a mombie day, for sure. In spite of my tiredness and my grouchiness, today had its highlights:

1. My parents came over to visit with and spend time with the boys. It was nice to break up the lazy day with a visit from people who looked awake and alert. I forgot that there were people in the world who look awake during daylight hours. Weird.

2. My Aunt and her family brought over more gifts for both Carter and Grayson. Carter got these Mickey Mouse pajamas. He is obsessed with Mickey Mouse right now and there are days where he will only wear Mickey Mouse clothes (which is a serious problem, because I only have two Mickey Mouse shirts for him). They buy my boys the cutest things. I truly don't care about people buying either of the boys gifts, but the fact that they do and the fact that they are excited to do it makes me feel like they just really love my boys and makes me feel happy and grateful to have this family in my life.

3. My cousin, Nicole, came over today with her man-toy, Levi, to bring the gifts referred to above and she pointed out that I hadn't taken a photo yet of her and Grayson. She's been here a lot helping us out since he's been born, so I've had a thousand opportunities, but my brain is mush and it didn't even cross my mind! Anyway, yesterday, finally, I got some good pictures of her with my newest babe :)

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 80

Friday, November 7th

1. Today was Jeff's first day back at work. The day wasn't awesome. I was CRAZY tired; Carter didn't nap. But, dammit, I survived and I survived without help. I knew I could call my mom or Nicole to come over, but I didn't. I wanted to know I could actually do it, I guess, and I did. AND, I did it without plopping Carter in front of the TV to watch Mickey Mouse all day. So there! 

2. My cousin Chelsey came to visit and meet the baby. I haven't spent time with her, just the two of us in years and it was so nice. She brought us a congratulations on the new baby card and gave us a gift card for the movie theatre saying that our very first date night post-baby was on her! She said that she figured we had all the baby stuff we needed, and she's right, especially since Carter and Grayson were born in the same seasons, so all the clothes I have are even seasonally appropriate. I thought it was such a smart idea to do a date night gift card instead! Thanks, Grace!

3. It's Friday. This is important now that I will be home with a toddler and a newborn. More importantly, it is a long weekend. Jeff took Monday off and Tuesday is Remembrance Day, so I get another four days with my whole little family here and with the immense help that an extra adult is. I just wish all weekends were three or four day weekends. Do I really have to share Jeff with the rest of the world? Really?!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 79

For Thursday, November 6th

Today was a really good day because:

1. My dear friend, Ali, whose website you can visit here, is an incredibly talented photographer. She came to our house today to do Grayson's newborn photos.

I've talked on here before about how I typically just find doing family photos stressful: I stress about what to wear, what to have Carter wear, the fact that I'm essentially useless when it comes to doing my hair and/or putting on makeup, and then I feel a lot of pressure to get good photos; to look good in them, and to get Carter to cooperate enough that we get some good shots, etc. This was probably the least stressed out I've ever been, which is impressive given the fact that we've added a fourth unpredictable element to mix: a newborn.

We did what's called a Lifestyle Shoot, which basically means that Ali captures real moments in our lives and day, rather than the "typical" posed, canned shots you see in every newborn shoot. I have to say, I really think the pictures went well, I think she got a ton of gorgeous shots, and I can't wait to see them. Grayson was a mostly happy or sleeping baby and Carter did some cute impromptu toddler stuff that made for some great moments for Ali to capture. Ali also seemed excited about some of the shots she was getting, and she's the one with the eye for pictures, so when she gets excited, I get really excited! Once I do have the photos, I will post a link to them, or post a few of them on a blog post. But I will warn you: you really want to book a session with her ;)

2. We loaded up the kids and went to Target this evening. This was our first retail experience with two kids and I'm not sure it can be deemed a success, per say. Carter had a tantrum half way through (his first ever tantrum in a store, actually) and Jeff ended up taking him to the car while I paid for the stuff in our cart, but the point is we went out and we survived. I will admit that I'm still terrified of taking the two kids out on my own. Frankly, I just don't see how it would work with any degree of success; Carter can be a really good shopper, but can also be very challenging. He will take off running, leaving me to be that mom who is running after him, attempting to haul her kid, whose body miraculously turned to jello, to the shopping cart. He doesn't freak out; he actually laughs his ass off. He must see how ridiculous I look trying to reign him in.

3. We all slept right in this morning, even Carter. We finally woke up and got up around 9:30. I got a good 5.5 hours of sleep (albeit, broken sleep), which I think isn't too bad for having a newborn. I felt really good and decently rested all day today.

Today was just a really good day.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 78

For Wednesday, November 5th, my three good things are: as follows: 

1. Pat came over this evening to meet Grayson and visit with me. I haven't seen her in about two weeks, so I missed her terribly. I was also so happy that she finally meet the little guy she had watched expand my belly for the eight months prior (and who I blamed for many of my crying outbursts at work). She brought me Starbucks, cuddled my little guy up right good, and stayed until 11:15 p.m. because we needed that long to catch up. I can't tell you how good it was to hear her voice and see her. And I cannot tell you how wonderful a human being I think she is.

2. Jeff took Carter to gymnastics tonight. I did consider going because I'm feeling pretty good, but I wasn't sure how well I  would do sitting on the hard bleachers. So I decided to stay home and give my broken bottom half another week to heal. I should be good to go next week. Either way, because I didn't go this week, I was alone in the house with Grayson. It was nice to have some quiet time. Because newborns just eat, sleep, poop, and look around, it almost feels like I'm alone in the house. Alone time is valuable people!

3. I'm feeling better with  every day. This means I am able to get to some housework here and there. I actually kind of enjoy cleaning. I think it's just because being in a messy house makes me feel cranky. I feel more together, with it and just happier in general when the house is cleanish. So today, I managed to get the kitchen in decent shape and I got some laundry done. I've listed cleaning as a positive before, and I'm pretty sure it makes me look like a crazy ass, but it is what it is. :)

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 77

Three good things for Tuesday, November 4th:

1. My baby is one week old! As is every age and every milestone with kids, this makes me both happy and sad. I know that as time passes, everything will get easier -  the balancing of two kids, nursing, night times, etc., but he's the last newborn I'll ever have (unless I can seduce Jeff.... errrrr, I mean talk him into having a third -  which is about as likely as Carter sitting through an entire meal at the table and eating everything on his plate). It already feels like it's going too fast and like so many other moms, I just want my new baby to stay this miniature forever.

2. Grayson had his first official outing today. Destination: Nana and Pepe's house. We went for supper and the food, company, and cuddles with the boys were fantastic. We also took our first official picture as a family of four. Yes, I should have done it the first night, but I didn't. Anyway, I love that I'm feeling well enough to leave the house. I'll tell you, this was not the case with Carter.  I remember at four weeks post partum, making a doctor's appointment with the delivering doctor because I was worried that I wasn't healing properly because I still had to be very, very conscious of how I sat down. I distinctly remember getting into my car to drive to that doctor's appointment and very gingerly getting into the driver's seat. At one month people. ONE MONTH.

3. My belly is smaller at this point post partum than it was at this point post partum with Carter. I don't really stress too much about what my stomach looks like after having a baby. I know it will go down and I also know that it will never look exactly how it looked pre-baby. There's no question that your post partum body requires some adjusting, and this adjustment can be harder for some women than others; I'm just one of those women who doesn't find the adjustment particularly hard -- at least not yet. Either way, I'm not unhappy that my belly is smaller than it was at one week post partum with Carter :)

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 75

For Sunday, November 2nd

1. Normally I handle Grayson on my own at night and let Jeff sleep because during the day he needs to get up with and look after Carter. Also, if Jeff is well-rested, then when I need to lay down to take a nap or just rest, I feel less guilty asking him to hang out with a sleeping baby and a busy toddler (yes, I feel guilty, even though he'll tell me to go nap). I also figure, what's the use in two of us being exhausted. For me, that serves no purpose, especially when I'm the only one that can feed the baby anyway.

Long digression. The point all that background brings me to is that since Carter stayed at my parents' last night, and they were keeping him all day, right until supper, Jeff didn't have the responsibility of caring for him the next morning or day, so he helped me out in the night by doing all the diaper changes, the burping after feeds, and getting Grayson settled back into bed. It was the most sleep I've had since he was born. Grayson gave me two, 2.5 hour stretches and then in the late morning, Jeff took him to the living room to give me another two hours. I felt like a million damn dollars. Okay, maybe more like a hundred dollars, but it's going up!  The help was nice and the sleep was even nicer.

2. I did my hair and put on makeup today. I think this is the first time I've worn makeup since Grayson was born. It felt nice to feel semi-attractive.

3. My family came over and we ordered Chinese for supper. It was nice to have them here. My grandparents were here too. My grandma had come up to see Grayson at the hospital, but grandpa hadn't seen him yet, so he got to meet his newest great-grandson for the first time. He said to me, "thank you for the new baby." My grandma always comments on how cute he is. I loved getting pictures and video of them with him. I'll cherish them forever.

Just having my family here in general puts me in my happy place. They would have to be here an awful lot -  like an excessive amount -  before I would feel like I needed some space.

Life is grand :)

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 76

For Monday, November 3rd

1. The public health nurse did another home visit today. This resulted two awesome things to note for the day. First, she was really impressed and gave me a "good job, Mom!" when she took Grayson's weight. He was born at seven pounds even, only lost one ounce by the time we left the hospital, and was down to six pounds, 13 ounces at two days old. Doctors like to see the baby gain weight and be at least back up to his birth weight around 10 days to two weeks old. Today Grayson is six days old and weighed seven pounds, seven ounces. So not only has he regained his birth weight, but he's even packed on the seven extra ounces!

Hearing this is such a relief. It had been a very, very rough week because of how sore my poor boobs were. There is something so rewarding in knowing that pushing through the serious discomfort - no, excruciating pain - that nursing with cracked nipples brings, is so very worth it because my little guy is growing and thriving.

2. While she was here, the nurse checked my stitches as well. I had a second degree tear and an episiotomy. With Carter I had a third degree tear and an episiotomy. (I will leave google to explain the different degrees of tears and warn you to google that at your own risk.) Though I still tore this time (with a seven pound baby - -  really lady parts? A little dramatic, methinks!) I feel so much better than I did after Carter was born. The nurse checked me over and confirmed that I'm healing well and things look really good. I'm happy about this, though I think we should take "looking good" with a grain of salt, considering she's talking about my sad, stitched up nether regions.

3. Carter is still dealing with this huge change in our lives and family very well. There are no jealousy issues that I can see. He is acting out a little, but he's been doing so for the couple of weeks even prior to Grayson's birth, so I think it's more a matter of him being nearly three and realizing that he can push the envelope on things he doesn't want to do, or when we refuse him on things he does want to do. I'm really relieved that he's adjusted so well.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 74

For Saturday, November 1st

1. Today was my due date. I had marked this day on mine and Jeff's shared calendar, so during one of Grayson's middle-of-the-night feedings, the reminder for that "appointment" popped up. It made me smile as I held my newborn boy in the quiet of our living room in the wee hours of the morning. I just feel so lucky to have this second gorgeous little boy.

2. Tonight, mom and dad offered to take Carter home for the evening to give Jeff and me a bit of a break. Carter has been REALLY acting up and challenging at bedtime and, frankly, it's exhausting when we're not also caring for a newborn. It was nice not to fight with Carter to eat supper, then to get in the bath, then to get into bed, etc.

When they take Carter, mom always texts me updates on how things are going and I usually get  picture from my dad. He had a great, great night and it was good to hear that he had so much fun at Nan and Pe's. He and my dad played and played and played some more. And then they watched a movie and had snacks. It's the exact Saturday evening I always wished my kids would get with their grandparents and here we are.

3. Because we had a free evening and a sleeping new baby, I got to actually watch a TV show. This is as big a deal as putting on makeup. It both felt like a luxury and like I was just relaxing as I would on any other night.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 73

Friday, October 31

My three good things:

1. My mom came over today and helped Jeff and Carter carve pumpkins. I was sitting in the living room, nursing Grayson off and on and I was smiling to myself listening to the three of them in there discussing and working away on their pumpkins. Carter picked the design he wanted for his pumpkin and told us it's because it's the "scary" one. So flippin' cute. I took in the feeling of having my little family prepare for  Hallowe'en with the help of Nan and it felt like it upped the love levels in the house. It was another one of those road/life marker moments where I thought, "life in this moment is perfect and I'm exactly where I should be."

2. Carter had a tough evening because he didn't nap today. When I say he doesn't nap, I don't mean that we don't put him down for a nap. Actually, lately he has been putting himself to bed. But sometimes he just chats himself up right good in there for 45 minutes or so before we give up and go get him. Anyway, because he didn't nap today, I was worried that trick or treating would be a gong show with a cranky, tantrum-y, and totally uncooperative toddler. At first, it was. He didn't want to eat his supper, then he didn't want to wear his costume. Finally, he's in the costume, but refuses to wear the matching hat. Because it was cold out, it wasn't an option not to wear a hat, so he wore his winter toque and looked totally mis-matched. But arguing with a tired toddler goes no where good for anyone, so out Jeff and Carter went.

This was his first time trick-or-treating. In the past, we've dressed him up and taken him to see my parents, my aunt, my grandparents, my brothers, and sometimes - if there's time - a couple other people. But this year was his first door-to-door, stranger's houses experience. They only did about 10 houses, which is what I expected. It was cold and he didn't fully "get" it, but did understand enough that for the next two days, every time he knocked on someone's door he yelled "trick or treat." He also LOVED handing out candy when kids came. He enjoyed his Hallowe'en and that made me really happy. I was a little sad that I couldn't see him walk up to people's doors and that I didn't get video of it, but I had a 3-day old baby to care for, so it is what it is.

I also got the boys' first pic together  I have video of them, but had no pictures yet. I was happy to get a photo, even though it's not the best one. Carter makes it a challenge to get a good picture, so I'm just happy that least I have it - a pic of our first Hallowe'en as a family with two kids to dress up.

3. Since I'm still walking a little bit like I've been horseback riding for a week straight, and since I spend a lot of time nursing a newborn, my Mom stayed to help me all night on Hallowe'en. She got up when kids came to the door so that I didn't have to go up and down the stairs and/or take Grayson to the door with my boob out while nursing. I just really appreciated having her here and it was nice to have an evening with my Mama ;)

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 72

For Thursday, October 30th

Well, I'm getting very little sleep these days, but I have a pretty good and very cute reason ;)

I'm so thankful today for:

1. My amazing husband. As if having a second baby didn't already make me feel more in love with him, he's been incredible in every possible way: he's done virtually all the cleaning and cooking; chasing after Carter; nearly all the diaper changes; and everything else you can imagine. He gets up in the morning and goes non-stop. I don't have to ask him to do anything either, he just does it. My wish for all the good, deserving women in the world is to have a husband half as good as mine.

2. Again, my cousin, Nicole. She came over and helped Jeff and I with the boys. Her being here allowed me to take a sitz bath, take a shower, and have an hour and a half long nap. It felt amazing to be clean AND have napped. It's the really, really, really little things, people! While she was here, she just went right ahead and cleaned the kitchen. No one asked her to; she just did it. How amazing is that?? Love you, Nin.

3. The health care system here. We are just so fortunate, truly. I went to the hospital, had a baby, stayed one night and I won't get a bill in the mail. THEN, the health region will send a public health nurse to my house to do as many home visits as we need two weeks postpartum. She came out Thursday, weighed Grayson, checked his heart rate, lungs, took his temp, and looked him over, and she also checked me over - blood pressure, temp, and a quick peak at my in-need-of-healing bottom end to see how I was doing. There was one thing that had me a little concerned on Thursday, and the nurse completely put my mind at ease about it. It just really is pretty amazing that a nurse will come to your home and check on you and your newborn, and I just feel so lucky to live in a place where that is the level of care I receive.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 71

For Wednesday, October 29th

I'm still on a high from birth and enamoured with this beautiful baby.

1. I'm very sore, but feeling so much better than how I felt right after I had Carter. While I obviously wish I wasn't sore at all, I'm grateful that at least this time around is a little easier.

2. We were released from the hospital today and this means being in the comfort of our own house, with both our little men, and sleeping in our own bed.

3. Carter met his baby brother for the first time tonight and was pretty interested, excited and in love. I cried. I have video and at some point, I want to do a separate blog post about their initial meeting and these subsequent first days.

4. My cousin Nicole. I've listed her as one of the "things" I'm grateful for before, but it needs repeating and you'll likely continue to see her name on my lists. I'm grateful for her for many, many reasons, but in the interest of not writing a blog that would take you a week to read (that's how awesome she is) I'll talk about just a couple of the ways in which she made my days around Grayson's arrival easier.

When I went into labour I called and woke her at 7:00 a.m. and she came over to care for Carter while we were at the hospital. She always downplays the importance of what she does, and says that she wants to and she loves spending time with her "Carter Peter Pants" and she'd take him all the time or move right in if she could. I know this is true and I know she doesn't feel like it's work, but he IS work. He's an in-charge, busy 3-year old and spending nearly two full days on her own with him isn't a relaxing experience. On top of that, the fact that we were able to go to the hospital and focus on giving birth and being with Grayson was made possible because she is the kind of person who, when Carter is with her, we don't worry even for a second about him. He loves her and has so much fun with her. He often cries when she leaves. The comfort alone that this gives us is priceless and makes me more thankful for her - and her help - than I will ever be able to express to her. I could write a thousand cards (and I'm a gooood card writer, if I do say so myself!) and blog posts, but never will she know how much what she does for me and my family means to Jeff and me.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 70

Tuesday, October 28th
I woke up 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant and in labour. Grayson James was born at 6:09 pm. He is perfect. I can't believe we ever felt like a whole family without him.
T-0 days

Labour was a total of about 13 hours, but it was really only harder for the last three. I will do a post about our labour and birth story soon. Okay, maybe not soon, but when I have time. ;)

From here on, my three good things posts will likely be pretty short and to the point. I want to keep doing them, but, as you can imagine, I don't have much free time at the moment, and when I do, I should probably try to rest. Here are my three good things for Grayson's birthday:

1. Finally meeting our perfect and healthy baby boy. There is not a parent out there who doesn't have some anxiety about the birth and the health of the baby that they are about to meet. So many things can go wrong, and it's impossible not to worry that baby will be born with complications, something will happen to baby or mom during the birthing process, etc. We, however, made it through relatively unscathed and brought home a very healthy, happy, strong baby. We couldn't really ask for more.

2. Giving birth, drug free for the second time, but being grateful it's the last time! This birth experience was much different Carter's and I'll talk about how in a blog post at some point. Generally though, Grayson's birth was much more typical in that I actually had the opportunity to push him out. It was the hardest, but most rewarding thing I've ever done and I still kind of can't believe I did it drug-free. I'm not going to lie, it makes you feel like a freaking superhero. (Please don't take this to mean that I think everyone should have a drug-free birth All women who are pregnant and give birth also achieve superhero status.)

3. Having my mom and auntie Shelly in the room during labour and birth. I was surrounded by people I love and people who love me for one of the most intense and emotional experiences of my life. How does it get any better, really?!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 69

39 weeks 2 days pregnant
T-5 days

I am feeling oh-so pregnant these days. I cannot bend in nearly any capacity or circumstance. When I squat down to pick up something, or sit down on the floor to play with Carter, I actually question - for real - if I will be able to get back up. My legs scream, "we are not built to hold your current weight, Amber." I look like a complete goober putting on socks, pants or shoes, and the visual is accompanied by a great deal of grunting and dramatic exhales. If you have never been pregnant, I ask you to get a large watermelon and find a way to hold it in your shirt. Then go ahead and try to go about your day. You will feel my pain in short order. It feels like my body is on loan and I'm ready to have it back.

Labour watch/bumpdate: Tonight I had the most crazy pressure and those intense stabbing pains in my cervix that I've been having more often as of late. It felt like he was digging in so low that it made walking incredibly uncomfortable and gave the sensation that he was going to fall out. It was rough. It was also followed up with lots of BH contractions.

Today was a good day because:

1. I enjoyed spending the day with my boy. It was a cold and rainy/snowy/sleety day and being nice and warm in the house gave me that cozy feeling and was a pleasant reminder that this winter, I will hibernate with two handsome fellas to cuddle up with. And I'm perfectly okay with that :)

2. I got a package in the mail from my SIL (Vancity Mommy D) today. There were baby clothes and these amazing dream catchers she made for the boys. I loved all of it so much and I can't wait to hang the dream catchers in the boys' rooms!

3. I went this evening to play Bingo (yes, yes I did) with my family. My two aunts, my cousin and my grandma were there. We do this every couple of months and when Nicole told me that Monday was Bingo night, I knew it was a must-go because this would be my last opportunity to go to a Bingo night for a while. I'm  not a gambler; I don't by lottery tickets and we never go
to the casino. When we went to Vegas a few years back, I gave myself $20 at the blackjack table, lost it, and then went on about my merry way. So I don't go for the money. We just always have such a good time -- laughing at one another and being silly. It's a nice break and I rarely go out in the evenings, so it's a nice rest for me. The bonus? Tonight I won $80! I spent $30 to play, though, so really I only walked away with $50, but it's $50 more than I had when I went there, so I was pretty danged happy!

Soon, one of these posts will not start out with how many weeks and days pregnant I am and will, instead, say that the reason today was a good day is because I had a baby. A BABY. Still trying to wrap my mind around that reality.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 68

39 Weeks, 1 day pregnant
T-6 days until baby's due date
My SIL is 37 weeks today! Happy full-term day, sister!! Her blog is here :)

So, holy hell, I have less than a week to go before my due date. At this point Carter had already been born and was 3 days old. For the record, I think this baby is coming on Wednesday. I have no idea why, but Wednesday, October 29th is the day in my head. We'll see if he (and my uterus) agrees.

In terms of the labour watch/bumpdate there is absolutely nothing of interest to report. Literally, not one thing. I'm the most boring pregnant woman around, folks.

For once, a short prelude, so onto my three good things for today:

1. I am super excited that my SIL is 37 weeks today. When she texted me, roughly 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant and told me that she thought she was too, I was so excited, but also scared. What if one of us miscarried? What if things were much harder on one than the other? But here we are, both at the end, having gone through this crazy experience together. Our relationship hasn't always been rainbows and butterflies. There was a long period (like 4-ish years) where we didn't talk at all or, when we did, it wasn't pretty. Since reconciling, things have been completely different (I think the fact that we both grew up a lot and came to one another with open and forgiving hearts helped; we reconciled as different people, I think) and to have experienced our pregnancies together has really been a bonding experience that we've been so fortunate to share.

Her doctor thinks baby will come early though. Janette has what's called an incompetent cervix, which puts her at risk for pre-term labour. She explains it much better than I can in her blog post here. The fix, as you will read in her post, is a stitch that they put in her cervix (oh the many, many joys we women are fortunate enough to experience...) to lock that sucker up like the state pen to ensure that no baby will even consider thinking about making an early exit. Anyway, I gave you all that pre-ramble because that stitch of hers comes out tomorrow morning and between that and her doctor's sense that the baby will make her way here prior to Halloween, I will be glued to my phone, waiting for that all-important "it's go time" text from her.

This is such an exciting time in my life and I feel grateful for it. I'm excited to watch my body to see when my "go-time" is and at the same time, I get to be excited for my SIL, as she is on a labour watch of her own. AND, last but not least, I get another niece to love out of the whole thing. All we need now is for the birth of two healthy babies to take place and we're set.

2. Man oh man, Jeff and I were productive today. Our pre-baby to-do lists continue to get shorter and shorter.

3. After my crazy productive morning, I awarded myself with a nap while Carter had his nap. It was heavenly.

So... bets on when the newest little Peters will be here. Do ya'll buy my Wednesday or are we sticking with what baby's dad thinks and going with Halloween?

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 67

39 weeks pregnant
T-7 Days

Labour watch/bumpdate: I continue to have random contractions/painful braxton hicks (BH). This evening I also had a lot of pressure, which results in those oh-so-lovely sharp cervical pains. These things are effing serious. It really feels like the baby has decided - labour or not -  like he'll just bully his way out. Because I've had painful BH contractions for so long though (around the 20-week mark), I never get excited and think that labour might be underway. The sharp pains and the painful BH are, however, increasing in frequency and discomfort so hopefully, at least, these are proving productive and I'm progressing towards that all important 10 cm. Every cm I get out of the way now, during the pre-game show, is one less I have to work through when it's game time.

Why was today a gooder? Well, let me tell you:

1. We went to Canadian Tire today and Carter was so excited when he saw the Christmas trees and decorations. Anytime we are out shopping and Carter sees them, he runs over to show us and look over all the Christmas swag. This is the first year that he's really reacted to the displays.

Important background information about me: I LOVE Christmas. I love everything about it. I love Christmas music, Christmas baking (and the subsequent eating of this baking), Christmas decorations, Christmas get-togethers with family, hibernating from the cold snowy weather under blankets with Christmas movies and hot chocolate, decorating the Christmas tree, buying people presents, Santa Clause, the fact that I just feel happier and warmer and more full of love than at any other time during the year. I love all of it. Now that you've read my list, you too see that Christmas is kick ass, but what is the one thing that makes Christmas even better? Excited kids. And now I've got one.

So, when Carter gets excited at the Christmas displays, it makes me even more excited for Christmas this year. I know that with every year, he will just get more and more excited for the awesomeness that is Christmas and will be more involved in things like helping with the baking, tree decorating and decorating the gingerbread house, etc. I've waited my whole life for a Christmas with my own excited kid(s) and, though he won't get all of the fun stuff there is to get about Christmas, I know that this year will be even better than last :)

2. All the major stuff is done on and in the house and we are technically ready for baby's arrival, but we both still have a list of things we would like to get done before I go into labour. We continue, slowly now, to get those little things done around the house before the baby comes and every one we cross off the list makes me feel good. We both agreed that we would be happy if he stayed on the inside for the duration this week and then came next weekend (his due date is Saturday). If he waits until his due date, or really close to it, I think we would both feel more ready in the house. Emotionally and mentally though, we're ready to meet this little guy, bring him home, and introduce him to the people who comprise our world :)

3. Once we got our handsome lad to bed, Jeff and I ended the evening by watching a movie together in the theatre room. We haven't done this in a very, very long time. I feel like we've both been too busy crossing things off our respective to-do-before-baby lists to spend any time with each other in the evenings. And then by the time we're done checking things off the list, I'm usually too tired to make it through even a television show.

We are going to attempt a date night one night this week, where my cousin, Nicole, will either come over and put him to bed, or he will sleep at her house for the night and Jeff and I will go out for supper and to a movie. I have no idea when I'll have the opportunity to go to a movie again once the baby comes, so I want to try to squeeze in one more date night whole doing so is still "easy."

And that was my Saturday!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 66

38 weeks 6 days pregnant
T-8 days.

Holy hell. We are under the 10-day mark. We are in the single digits of this countdown. This is actually going to happen. Part of me still doesn't believe it.

Now that the birth is drawing close, I have the typical mom fears about the baby's health, problems that could happen at delivery, etc. Because I've worried about EVERYTHING this pregnancy at one point or another, it's no surprise that I'm starting to have some anxiety about the health of baby once he's here. Part of me worries that the reason he's so small (as the doc says he is - a seven-pounder, the doctor figures), is that there is some health problem that will be quickly evident after his birth. I am trying to talk myself off of the ledge by reminding myself that since he was 12 weeks, we've had three ultrasounds and he looked damned good in all three. I tell myself that if something was very wrong, at one of those ultrasounds, it would have been evident and that I am about to give birth to a perfectly healthy baby. A small-ish, but perfectly healthy baby. I just can't wait to hold him and I can't wait to see his face.

Labour watch/bumpdate: There is still really nothing to type here. As I've been writing my blog tonight I have been having some painful contractions and they seem somewhat consistent, but I haven't been timing them. I will soon be off to bed, and should they continue, and should they continue to the point where I cannot sleep through them, I will start timing, but I've had painful braxton hicks contractions throughout the later half of this pregnancy, so I doubt it will really turn into much.

This day was a good day and here's why:

1. We took Carter to the pumpkin patch today and bought our Halloween pumpkins. I took about 100 pictures of him, but because he's so anti-picture, I probably got 5 good ones -- if I'm lucky. I haven't had a chance to look through the camera yet, so I can't post any pictures from the actual gardens, but I'll try to do so tomorrow and add them to tomorrow's blog, if I can. He LOVED being there. He loved all the pumpkins; he loved the hay pile that they have for kids to climb, and he loved running around outside. I'm so glad we went. Going in the morning during the week (instead of on the weekend) was nice because we virtually had the place to ourselves. I know with every year that passes, he will just enjoy it more and more -- until, of course, he hits that age where he never wants to do anything with his family, or his mom. So, for now, I'm just going to enjoy his participation and his enthusiasm.

2. I took Carter to Jeff's work for lunch today. Jeff had been asking me to find a day to come by the office with Carter. Carter had a blast there too (I swear any place is a park in this kid's head) and it was nice to see Jeff mid-day and in his work space.

3. We had my family over for supper. It is always so good to visit with everyone. We always talk too much, too loud, and laugh a lot. I'm not sure I could ask for a better family than the one I've got. I'm a pretty lucky woman, yes, indeed, I am.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 65

Thursday, October 23, 2014

38 weeks, five days pregnant
T-9 Days

Well, folks, I have nothing to report physically for my labour watch/bumpdate, but I did see my doctor today and he checked me for dilation. One whopping centimetre. Having said that, prior to that appointment, I told my mom that I thought he'd say, "Well, your cervix is really soft, but you're not dilated at all." So, my body is doing more than I expected it to, which is nice to know. I really haven't felt anything at all that would make me think that I had dilated at all, so I suppose that's a good sign. The doctor said that it's good that I've made progress since he checked me at the 36 week mark, but given that this is my second pregnancy, this progress isn't overly impressive. He also said that the baby is very, very low and couldn't believe I could walk with any degree of comfort. Hopefully over the next week, the baby's positioning will continue to put pressure on my body and I will make some more progress.

I also have to note that 38 weeks and five days was the point in my pregnancy with Carter when I went into labour and we welcomed him into our lives. While I foresee no baby coming today, being at that milestone in this pregnancy is pure craziness. It's an emotional feeling and at this point, I really feel like a ticking time-bomb. I'm just so blessed to be here and to know that soon, so soon, we will be welcoming another little man into our lives and our family and from that day forward, things will forever be better. Busier. Maybe more stressful at times; maybe there will be less money at times; but, unequivocally, our lives and hearts will be the better for it.

Other than the appointment, today was pretty stinkin' good for a number of reasons:

1. I had lunch with Mrs. Pat Hanley today. She is just such an incredible person. You know how people will say of someone  that they make you want to be a better person - she is seriously one of these people. Honestly. I only know two of these people: Pat Hanley and Ashlee Longmore. I'm totally blessed to know these two women. 

Anyway, it was nice to take time to catch up with Pat. Because we worked together for over a year,we spent almost every day together and to go from that to never really seeing her is hard. We're both so busy in life, too, that after work time is booked up a lot for both of us and it's hard to find that time. It was a great visit. It's crazy to me that the next time I see her, I will likely be introducing her to the newest member of our family.

2. I had the day to myself today. I had a massage in the morning, had lunch with Pat, did some shopping and ran some errands. Because I was out of the house pretty much all day, my Mom and cousin, Nicole, came over to spend the day with Carter. They started off by making Halloween crafts and adding more fall/Halloween decorations to the house. When I came home for about an hour after all of my errands, but before I had my prenatal appointment, I walked in and fell in love with the decorations they had made that were hanging up in my house. They said that Carter had really enjoyed crafting and was far more involved in the process than they had anticipated he would be. They said that crafting held his attention for a good hour. I was happy to hear that he had so much fun with them while I was out for the day.

There was also something special about walking into my house and seeing all these decorations, partly made by my kid, that made me feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, and exactly where I always daydreamed of being, in my life. I always pictured my adult life and my house with kids -- and evidence of kids -- in them. These kid-made crafts felt like road-markers that said, "you're going in the right direction." For me, kid crafts, kids pictures hanging on the fridge, kid-made Christmas ornaments hanging on the Christmas tree, all bring a sense of not just warmth, but truth, to a house. They carry a rawness, a realness; they epitomize happiness for me. They are the point of it all. I have no idea if that makes sense and I'm too tired right now to figure out how to express what those Halloween crafts embodied for me emotionally, so hopefully some of what I mean came through in those sentences. If not, maybe I'll try again in another post, that I'm not writing at 10:40 p.m. 

3. I FINALLY had a good sleep last night (Wednesday night). Carter didn't cough at all (maybe this effing cold is finally taking a hint and going away?!), and Jeff slept downstairs, so the only thing to keep me up was my pregnant bladder and the insomnia that is your end-of-pregnancy gift. In spite of three bathroom breaks and a little trouble getting back to sleep after one of them, I slept much better and felt more rested than I have in a good week and a half. Thank the lord.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 64

38 weeks, 4 days pregnant
T-10 Days until due date

I can't believe that this is the last day before the count-down morphs into single-digits. I'm so ready and so not ready all at the same time. I think in a previous post I had mentioned that I was 38 weeks and six days pregnant on the day that Carter was born. I realized today that was a lie: I was 38 weeks and five days. That means that at this exact point in my pregnancy with Carter, I went to bed and woke up at 4:00 a.m. the next morning in labour. He was born that day at 5:15. I do not foresee that happening in the wee hours of the morning this time, but I didn't foresee it coming with Carter either.

There isn't much of an update to give for the labourwatch/bumpdate: at this moment, I'm having a lot of pressure and uncomfortable back pain, but it's related to baby's movements, which are, at this exact moment, extremely strong and uncomfortable.

I continue to lose an excessive amount of sleep for a woman who does not yet have a newborn. Carter was coughing in the middle of the night again so hard he gagged, so up we were, sipping tea. He went right back to bed after telling us he was "sleepy" and was fine, but I couldn't fall back to sleep after that and probably got a total of four hours of sleep, if I was lucky. I didn't nap today either. I didn't have time, and I had promised myself that tonight would be an 8:00 p.m. bedtime for a change, but we didn't even get Carter in the bath until that time and it would seem that I am unable go to bed without making sure the kitchen, dining room and living room is clean, just in case that is the night I wake up in labour. I want to keep the house as spotless as I can and this is coming at the expense of sleep. I know that at some point, I really need to let that go and just rest more, but this nesting urge is really something else.

In spite of being very, very tired, I enjoyed the day, for the most part.

1. I balanced cleaning the house and enjoying play time with Carter really well today, and that felt good. I love watching him play and playing with him. I can't define what it is, but it's the neatest experience to watch your kids play make believe. I guess sometimes it's that he still feels like my baby, and here he is vroom, vrooming his cars around the parking lot play mat in his play room, parking them in the proper parking stalls and everything. I grin at him like a fool wondering at what point he turned into such a kid. I feel like I turned my head for one second and now he's this little boy.

2. Carter had gymnastics this evening (this is partly why I didn't get my 8:00 p.m. bedtime) and he did really well. It's so fun to see him walk with his classmates from course to course and to see him go through the obstacle courses by himself. Again -- how did he get so big??

3. Tomorrow I REALLY AM taking a day to myself and I'm looking forward to it. The last time I said that (about taking Tuesday), I only ended up dropping Carter off at my mom's from 1-5:30. Tomorrow I have a massage in the morning, am going to go drop a butt-load of cash on GOOD maternity bras (people - I breastfed Carter for almost TWO YEARS and that whole time only used ONE maternity bra. How completely ridiculous and cheap of me was that?!?), run a couple errands, go for lunch with one of my very favourite people in the world, come home, watch a terrible reality tv show (think Survivor), NAP, get up and go to my prenantal appointment. That, folks, will be an alright day. Yes it will.

Okay, it's 11:01, so I need to get myself to sleep. Please send good sleep thoughts and no-coughing toddler thoughts my way this evening. If I could have that day tomorrow on 8 hours of sleep, that would feel pretty darned amazing, methinks!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 63

38 weeks, 3 days pregnant
T-11 days until baby's due date.

Labour watch/bumpdate: nothing much to report. A few short-lived mild cramping sessions today. Last night while in bed, baby was trying to headbutt his way out. Neither my cervix nor my bladder were impressed at his valiant attempts. In spite of last night's abuse to my cervix, I do not have any sense that this little man has any intention of introducing himself to the world any time soon. He seems pretty comfortable in there to me. I still think that next week - mid-to-late week, he will plan to  make the great escape. I have a prenatal appointment  on Thursday, late afternoon, and will get a dilation check done then, so I will have a better sense on Thursday if anything is going on in my nether regions. I would advise that no one holds their breath.

Sigh. Folks, today was a much better day than yesterday. While I still didn't sleep as well as I would have liked last night, I felt much better mentally and emotionally once I got out of bed and got moving this morning. Here are my highlights:

1. Carter and I had a nice morning together. I went to a local crunchy mama shop here to look for a super cute piggy bank that would be the final part of the gift from Carter to the baby. I decided, rather than going on my own, to take him with me. I figured that I would pick the two or three I liked best and then get him to pick out one from there - that way the gift really was "from" big brother Carter. But, when I got there, they only had one I really liked, so bringing him along with me was kind of pointless. But who knew?

2. After leaving the shop, I took the lad to my mom's for the afternoon and then was kind enough to invite Carter, Jeff and me over for supper. So I dropped him off, went home, ate lunch, watched an episode of Dancing with the Stars, and took a nap. It was great not to have to get up when someone else got up, but to lay in bed and get up on my own time. 

I love spending time alone. Maybe that's weird, but it's true. Maybe because I never get to. But I really cherish time just to myself. I enjoy running errands alone. I enjoy shopping alone. I LOVE being home alone. Don't get me wrong: I wouldn't want to be alone all the time and I think I would hate living alone - and I do love going shopping with my cousin, my mom, or a friend - but I have had so little alone time in the past while that I really just soaked it in. I would love a weekend alone, to be honest, but I would also love to have some sort of money tree growing in my back yard. I think the likelihood that I will get either are about the same.

3. Supper at my mom's was great. The food was good. The company was good. The cake I bought was good. Carter ate well. He had a great time with my dad. I have said this a thousand times before, but watching those two together brings a smile to my face. Also, eating there meant that I didn't have to make supper myself and, in not having to do so, my kitchen remained clean. Woot to that!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 62

38 weeks, 2 days pregnant
T-12 days

The cramping has subsided, though I have twinges of it here and there. What I do have, however, is a mood that can rival that of the intensely miserable pharmacist at Safeway (I have no idea if she has teeth, since I've never seen her smile in the over four years we've been living in this end of the city), and a headache. I don't know if these are symptoms of a pre-labour hormone shift or not, but neither have been particularly enjoyable. 

They could also both be chalked up to a shitty day into which I came (again) without enough sleep. There's no other way to say it, really. Describing my day really must involve a curse word -- or two. It was a fucking shitty day. There - that's better.

We are going on a week of this stupid cold that Carter is fighting. His nose ran like a faucet today and he sneezed -- in my face, or on my food -- about a thousand times. I'm sure I'll contract this virus right in time to have a baby. That'll be awesome. Because Carter continues to lose at least an hour of sleep to coughing per night (not the crazy coughing - the one cough every 3 minutes kind of cough that just serves to prevent sleep), and because maybe he was just feeling under the weather today, he oscillated between being cranky and his normal, happy, cuddly, playful self. To top everything off, he didn't nap. I put him to bed; he seemed tired, but he chatted himself up and laid there sucking his thumb for an hour before I got out of my own bed (hoping for a nap myself) and gave up.

As the day wore on, it became one of those days when everything just felt like a half-fail and I felt like a shitty mom and a shitty wife. By supper time, I either wanted to cry about everything, or had to resist the urge to run away screaming like a woman who forgot to take her meds. It was a beat-yourself-up-mentally day today for sure. And I'm still reeling from not feeling good enough at anything. To end the evening, the toddler who didn't nap today was HELLISH during the bedtime routine. For the first time today, I gave up, stood in the middle of my living room and just cried. Like a baby. Yes I did.

Enough of that, though. The day had its pleasant moments and I suppose I had better list them before I work myself up into a negative frenzy. Okay, okay: a more negative frenzy.

1. I am in full-on nesting mode. It's such a strange urge. It makes me feel like I need five more hours in a day. I tackled cleaning and organizing the kitchen cupboards today. I hope the baby appreciates that. I'm sure he will. Either way, I'm glad it's done.

2. I am currently drinking an After Eight hot chocolate. It's bliss in a mug.

3. I texted my mom and told her I'm taking a day to myself tomorrow, so she is spending the afternoon with her grandson. For the purpose of mental sanity. I will buy myself Starbucks. I will go to an overpriced baby store to buy an overpriced piggy bank that will serve as the final gift from Carter to the baby and then I will spend some time putting together the gifts from the boys to one another. I will clean something in the house, while dancing too sexually for how pregnant I am. I will watch a tv show and then I will take a nap. I will get my supper prepped in peace before going to pick up Carter. The most important part: I will do all of this alone. And it will be great. I hope.

Today and I have broken up, but we'll try again tomorrow. Wish us luck. 

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 61

38 weeks, 1 day
T-13 days until baby's due date

*Feeling period-like cramping off and on. My lower back, hips, and legs tend to ache a little before my period starts and I've had that feeling intermittently the past 2 days. When I was pregnant with Carter, I had that exact kind of cramping/aching for most of the week and then went into labour at 4:00 a.m. on Saturday morning. So, maybe my body is gearing up for labour? We'll see, I suppose ;) 

1. My sister in law is 36 weeks today. Her doctor thinks she will deliver before her due date - maybe in her 37th week. If she's right, and if I'm right on my feeling that I won't deliver until week 39, we will have our babies in the same week. We're going to try to text one another throughout labour, if we can, and I keep thinking it would be so crazy to be in labour at the same time. I know it's unlikely, but  really, it was unlikely that neither of us were "trying" to get pregnant and we did -- within two weeks of each other. 

2. Our little family got to spend all weekend together, just the three of us, and it was pretty awesome. Once Carter was in bed, Jeff and I topped tonight off with key lime pie, tea (for me), coffee (for him), and an episode of Sons of Anarchy. *sigh* perfection.

3. Today was a good house-cleaning day. I need about four more of these and I'll be happy with the state of my house. I think it's so funny that nesting means finding dust in places you didn't even know existed in your house. I surprise myself with the "new" things I find to dust. It's really completely ridiculous, actually. Anyway, the trouble is that four more of these days would come at the expense of days with Carter and I feel too close to the end of time with just him and I to give that time up. 

Okay, I'm taking my pregnant ass to bed to start reading (and probably falling asleep within the first few pages) of Gone Girl.

Have a good week, everyone!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 60

38 weeks pregnant today
T-14 days until baby is "due" to arrive

I will probably have a baby in my house 2 weeks from this moment. That is so crazy to me. I can't wait to see what he looks like and to give him oh so many kisses. I don't think I will go overdue, but I'm having ZERO signs of impending labour, so I feel like he will come in week 39 - close to my due date. I have no real reason for making that assumption though ;),

Aside from just waiting for this little guy to introduce himself to our family, these were today's graces:

1. I got to sleep in a little today. Jeff got up with Carter. It was only about 1/2 hour longer, but it felt nice to just laze in bed for that extra time.

We have been really busy since the beginning of September with house renovations and things have finally slowed. All I really have left to do is clean the house, though I know what doesn't get done won't matter one iota to the baby, so while I am going to try to get some good cleaning done in the days I have left before he comes, I'm going to try to spend more fun time with Carter.

Because of Carter's cold, I have also just not been sleeping well at all. He wakes up in the night coughing - manageable coughing, but enough to keep me awake and checking in on him. Because of how busy we've been and how much sleep I've been losing at night, I'm totally exhausted and so, even though I slept in a little this morning, by 11:00 a.m. I was totally beat. Jeff and Carter were watching a movie in the theatre room, and I decided to lay down again. I slept, off and on, for another hour and a half. I woke up feeling much better rested, but it sort of highlighted for me how behind on sleep I am. If possible, given the fact that baby could show up at any time, I'd like to try to stay as caught up on sleep as I can, just so I'm not going into the physical marathon that is giving birth and then immediately caring for a newborn already low on sleep and overtired.

2. Jeff spent the whole day at home, with us, today. Because we've been working on house renovations, he's been mostly MIA doing stuff related to that. This is the first weekend in as long as I can remember when he didn't have to be doing anything or be anywhere. It was so nice to have him home. It was nice that I was able to rest while he hung out with Carter and it was nice that he and Carter were actually able to spend some time together.

3. We took Carter swimming tonight. We haven't gone - the three of us - in forever; for sure not since the summer and it was so fun. It's good exercise for him and Jeff and I enjoyed being in the water. Normally, I have him in swimming lessons, but we were on vacation the day that registration opened for classes and I literally used my phone to register - which was extra challenging because I would lose and re-gain internet connectivity as we were driving through the mountains. Because of this, I registered about 6 hours after registration was open and the classes fill up so quickly here that the sessions for September - October were already full and my only option was the November-December session. SO, while our plan was to register him for the September- October session and not register him for the November-December session (because we knew we'd be extra busy and tired with a newborn in the house), this was not to be. Anyway, he had a great time and cried when we left, which made me realize that we really need to make a point of going more often.

That's it. That was Saturday. A good, kind of sleepy-lazy day, but a day that provided some much-needed catch up on rest for my pregnant self!