100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 62

38 weeks, 2 days pregnant
T-12 days

The cramping has subsided, though I have twinges of it here and there. What I do have, however, is a mood that can rival that of the intensely miserable pharmacist at Safeway (I have no idea if she has teeth, since I've never seen her smile in the over four years we've been living in this end of the city), and a headache. I don't know if these are symptoms of a pre-labour hormone shift or not, but neither have been particularly enjoyable. 

They could also both be chalked up to a shitty day into which I came (again) without enough sleep. There's no other way to say it, really. Describing my day really must involve a curse word -- or two. It was a fucking shitty day. There - that's better.

We are going on a week of this stupid cold that Carter is fighting. His nose ran like a faucet today and he sneezed -- in my face, or on my food -- about a thousand times. I'm sure I'll contract this virus right in time to have a baby. That'll be awesome. Because Carter continues to lose at least an hour of sleep to coughing per night (not the crazy coughing - the one cough every 3 minutes kind of cough that just serves to prevent sleep), and because maybe he was just feeling under the weather today, he oscillated between being cranky and his normal, happy, cuddly, playful self. To top everything off, he didn't nap. I put him to bed; he seemed tired, but he chatted himself up and laid there sucking his thumb for an hour before I got out of my own bed (hoping for a nap myself) and gave up.

As the day wore on, it became one of those days when everything just felt like a half-fail and I felt like a shitty mom and a shitty wife. By supper time, I either wanted to cry about everything, or had to resist the urge to run away screaming like a woman who forgot to take her meds. It was a beat-yourself-up-mentally day today for sure. And I'm still reeling from not feeling good enough at anything. To end the evening, the toddler who didn't nap today was HELLISH during the bedtime routine. For the first time today, I gave up, stood in the middle of my living room and just cried. Like a baby. Yes I did.

Enough of that, though. The day had its pleasant moments and I suppose I had better list them before I work myself up into a negative frenzy. Okay, okay: a more negative frenzy.

1. I am in full-on nesting mode. It's such a strange urge. It makes me feel like I need five more hours in a day. I tackled cleaning and organizing the kitchen cupboards today. I hope the baby appreciates that. I'm sure he will. Either way, I'm glad it's done.

2. I am currently drinking an After Eight hot chocolate. It's bliss in a mug.

3. I texted my mom and told her I'm taking a day to myself tomorrow, so she is spending the afternoon with her grandson. For the purpose of mental sanity. I will buy myself Starbucks. I will go to an overpriced baby store to buy an overpriced piggy bank that will serve as the final gift from Carter to the baby and then I will spend some time putting together the gifts from the boys to one another. I will clean something in the house, while dancing too sexually for how pregnant I am. I will watch a tv show and then I will take a nap. I will get my supper prepped in peace before going to pick up Carter. The most important part: I will do all of this alone. And it will be great. I hope.

Today and I have broken up, but we'll try again tomorrow. Wish us luck.