100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 71

For Wednesday, October 29th

I'm still on a high from birth and enamoured with this beautiful baby.

1. I'm very sore, but feeling so much better than how I felt right after I had Carter. While I obviously wish I wasn't sore at all, I'm grateful that at least this time around is a little easier.

2. We were released from the hospital today and this means being in the comfort of our own house, with both our little men, and sleeping in our own bed.

3. Carter met his baby brother for the first time tonight and was pretty interested, excited and in love. I cried. I have video and at some point, I want to do a separate blog post about their initial meeting and these subsequent first days.

4. My cousin Nicole. I've listed her as one of the "things" I'm grateful for before, but it needs repeating and you'll likely continue to see her name on my lists. I'm grateful for her for many, many reasons, but in the interest of not writing a blog that would take you a week to read (that's how awesome she is) I'll talk about just a couple of the ways in which she made my days around Grayson's arrival easier.

When I went into labour I called and woke her at 7:00 a.m. and she came over to care for Carter while we were at the hospital. She always downplays the importance of what she does, and says that she wants to and she loves spending time with her "Carter Peter Pants" and she'd take him all the time or move right in if she could. I know this is true and I know she doesn't feel like it's work, but he IS work. He's an in-charge, busy 3-year old and spending nearly two full days on her own with him isn't a relaxing experience. On top of that, the fact that we were able to go to the hospital and focus on giving birth and being with Grayson was made possible because she is the kind of person who, when Carter is with her, we don't worry even for a second about him. He loves her and has so much fun with her. He often cries when she leaves. The comfort alone that this gives us is priceless and makes me more thankful for her - and her help - than I will ever be able to express to her. I could write a thousand cards (and I'm a gooood card writer, if I do say so myself!) and blog posts, but never will she know how much what she does for me and my family means to Jeff and me.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 70

Tuesday, October 28th
I woke up 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant and in labour. Grayson James was born at 6:09 pm. He is perfect. I can't believe we ever felt like a whole family without him.
T-0 days

Labour was a total of about 13 hours, but it was really only harder for the last three. I will do a post about our labour and birth story soon. Okay, maybe not soon, but when I have time. ;)

From here on, my three good things posts will likely be pretty short and to the point. I want to keep doing them, but, as you can imagine, I don't have much free time at the moment, and when I do, I should probably try to rest. Here are my three good things for Grayson's birthday:

1. Finally meeting our perfect and healthy baby boy. There is not a parent out there who doesn't have some anxiety about the birth and the health of the baby that they are about to meet. So many things can go wrong, and it's impossible not to worry that baby will be born with complications, something will happen to baby or mom during the birthing process, etc. We, however, made it through relatively unscathed and brought home a very healthy, happy, strong baby. We couldn't really ask for more.

2. Giving birth, drug free for the second time, but being grateful it's the last time! This birth experience was much different Carter's and I'll talk about how in a blog post at some point. Generally though, Grayson's birth was much more typical in that I actually had the opportunity to push him out. It was the hardest, but most rewarding thing I've ever done and I still kind of can't believe I did it drug-free. I'm not going to lie, it makes you feel like a freaking superhero. (Please don't take this to mean that I think everyone should have a drug-free birth All women who are pregnant and give birth also achieve superhero status.)

3. Having my mom and auntie Shelly in the room during labour and birth. I was surrounded by people I love and people who love me for one of the most intense and emotional experiences of my life. How does it get any better, really?!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 69

39 weeks 2 days pregnant
T-5 days

I am feeling oh-so pregnant these days. I cannot bend in nearly any capacity or circumstance. When I squat down to pick up something, or sit down on the floor to play with Carter, I actually question - for real - if I will be able to get back up. My legs scream, "we are not built to hold your current weight, Amber." I look like a complete goober putting on socks, pants or shoes, and the visual is accompanied by a great deal of grunting and dramatic exhales. If you have never been pregnant, I ask you to get a large watermelon and find a way to hold it in your shirt. Then go ahead and try to go about your day. You will feel my pain in short order. It feels like my body is on loan and I'm ready to have it back.

Labour watch/bumpdate: Tonight I had the most crazy pressure and those intense stabbing pains in my cervix that I've been having more often as of late. It felt like he was digging in so low that it made walking incredibly uncomfortable and gave the sensation that he was going to fall out. It was rough. It was also followed up with lots of BH contractions.

Today was a good day because:

1. I enjoyed spending the day with my boy. It was a cold and rainy/snowy/sleety day and being nice and warm in the house gave me that cozy feeling and was a pleasant reminder that this winter, I will hibernate with two handsome fellas to cuddle up with. And I'm perfectly okay with that :)

2. I got a package in the mail from my SIL (Vancity Mommy D) today. There were baby clothes and these amazing dream catchers she made for the boys. I loved all of it so much and I can't wait to hang the dream catchers in the boys' rooms!

3. I went this evening to play Bingo (yes, yes I did) with my family. My two aunts, my cousin and my grandma were there. We do this every couple of months and when Nicole told me that Monday was Bingo night, I knew it was a must-go because this would be my last opportunity to go to a Bingo night for a while. I'm  not a gambler; I don't by lottery tickets and we never go
to the casino. When we went to Vegas a few years back, I gave myself $20 at the blackjack table, lost it, and then went on about my merry way. So I don't go for the money. We just always have such a good time -- laughing at one another and being silly. It's a nice break and I rarely go out in the evenings, so it's a nice rest for me. The bonus? Tonight I won $80! I spent $30 to play, though, so really I only walked away with $50, but it's $50 more than I had when I went there, so I was pretty danged happy!

Soon, one of these posts will not start out with how many weeks and days pregnant I am and will, instead, say that the reason today was a good day is because I had a baby. A BABY. Still trying to wrap my mind around that reality.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 68

39 Weeks, 1 day pregnant
T-6 days until baby's due date
My SIL is 37 weeks today! Happy full-term day, sister!! Her blog is here :)

So, holy hell, I have less than a week to go before my due date. At this point Carter had already been born and was 3 days old. For the record, I think this baby is coming on Wednesday. I have no idea why, but Wednesday, October 29th is the day in my head. We'll see if he (and my uterus) agrees.

In terms of the labour watch/bumpdate there is absolutely nothing of interest to report. Literally, not one thing. I'm the most boring pregnant woman around, folks.

For once, a short prelude, so onto my three good things for today:

1. I am super excited that my SIL is 37 weeks today. When she texted me, roughly 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant and told me that she thought she was too, I was so excited, but also scared. What if one of us miscarried? What if things were much harder on one than the other? But here we are, both at the end, having gone through this crazy experience together. Our relationship hasn't always been rainbows and butterflies. There was a long period (like 4-ish years) where we didn't talk at all or, when we did, it wasn't pretty. Since reconciling, things have been completely different (I think the fact that we both grew up a lot and came to one another with open and forgiving hearts helped; we reconciled as different people, I think) and to have experienced our pregnancies together has really been a bonding experience that we've been so fortunate to share.

Her doctor thinks baby will come early though. Janette has what's called an incompetent cervix, which puts her at risk for pre-term labour. She explains it much better than I can in her blog post here. The fix, as you will read in her post, is a stitch that they put in her cervix (oh the many, many joys we women are fortunate enough to experience...) to lock that sucker up like the state pen to ensure that no baby will even consider thinking about making an early exit. Anyway, I gave you all that pre-ramble because that stitch of hers comes out tomorrow morning and between that and her doctor's sense that the baby will make her way here prior to Halloween, I will be glued to my phone, waiting for that all-important "it's go time" text from her.

This is such an exciting time in my life and I feel grateful for it. I'm excited to watch my body to see when my "go-time" is and at the same time, I get to be excited for my SIL, as she is on a labour watch of her own. AND, last but not least, I get another niece to love out of the whole thing. All we need now is for the birth of two healthy babies to take place and we're set.

2. Man oh man, Jeff and I were productive today. Our pre-baby to-do lists continue to get shorter and shorter.

3. After my crazy productive morning, I awarded myself with a nap while Carter had his nap. It was heavenly.

So... bets on when the newest little Peters will be here. Do ya'll buy my Wednesday or are we sticking with what baby's dad thinks and going with Halloween?

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 67

39 weeks pregnant
T-7 Days

Labour watch/bumpdate: I continue to have random contractions/painful braxton hicks (BH). This evening I also had a lot of pressure, which results in those oh-so-lovely sharp cervical pains. These things are effing serious. It really feels like the baby has decided - labour or not -  like he'll just bully his way out. Because I've had painful BH contractions for so long though (around the 20-week mark), I never get excited and think that labour might be underway. The sharp pains and the painful BH are, however, increasing in frequency and discomfort so hopefully, at least, these are proving productive and I'm progressing towards that all important 10 cm. Every cm I get out of the way now, during the pre-game show, is one less I have to work through when it's game time.

Why was today a gooder? Well, let me tell you:

1. We went to Canadian Tire today and Carter was so excited when he saw the Christmas trees and decorations. Anytime we are out shopping and Carter sees them, he runs over to show us and look over all the Christmas swag. This is the first year that he's really reacted to the displays.

Important background information about me: I LOVE Christmas. I love everything about it. I love Christmas music, Christmas baking (and the subsequent eating of this baking), Christmas decorations, Christmas get-togethers with family, hibernating from the cold snowy weather under blankets with Christmas movies and hot chocolate, decorating the Christmas tree, buying people presents, Santa Clause, the fact that I just feel happier and warmer and more full of love than at any other time during the year. I love all of it. Now that you've read my list, you too see that Christmas is kick ass, but what is the one thing that makes Christmas even better? Excited kids. And now I've got one.

So, when Carter gets excited at the Christmas displays, it makes me even more excited for Christmas this year. I know that with every year, he will just get more and more excited for the awesomeness that is Christmas and will be more involved in things like helping with the baking, tree decorating and decorating the gingerbread house, etc. I've waited my whole life for a Christmas with my own excited kid(s) and, though he won't get all of the fun stuff there is to get about Christmas, I know that this year will be even better than last :)

2. All the major stuff is done on and in the house and we are technically ready for baby's arrival, but we both still have a list of things we would like to get done before I go into labour. We continue, slowly now, to get those little things done around the house before the baby comes and every one we cross off the list makes me feel good. We both agreed that we would be happy if he stayed on the inside for the duration this week and then came next weekend (his due date is Saturday). If he waits until his due date, or really close to it, I think we would both feel more ready in the house. Emotionally and mentally though, we're ready to meet this little guy, bring him home, and introduce him to the people who comprise our world :)

3. Once we got our handsome lad to bed, Jeff and I ended the evening by watching a movie together in the theatre room. We haven't done this in a very, very long time. I feel like we've both been too busy crossing things off our respective to-do-before-baby lists to spend any time with each other in the evenings. And then by the time we're done checking things off the list, I'm usually too tired to make it through even a television show.

We are going to attempt a date night one night this week, where my cousin, Nicole, will either come over and put him to bed, or he will sleep at her house for the night and Jeff and I will go out for supper and to a movie. I have no idea when I'll have the opportunity to go to a movie again once the baby comes, so I want to try to squeeze in one more date night whole doing so is still "easy."

And that was my Saturday!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 66

38 weeks 6 days pregnant
T-8 days.

Holy hell. We are under the 10-day mark. We are in the single digits of this countdown. This is actually going to happen. Part of me still doesn't believe it.

Now that the birth is drawing close, I have the typical mom fears about the baby's health, problems that could happen at delivery, etc. Because I've worried about EVERYTHING this pregnancy at one point or another, it's no surprise that I'm starting to have some anxiety about the health of baby once he's here. Part of me worries that the reason he's so small (as the doc says he is - a seven-pounder, the doctor figures), is that there is some health problem that will be quickly evident after his birth. I am trying to talk myself off of the ledge by reminding myself that since he was 12 weeks, we've had three ultrasounds and he looked damned good in all three. I tell myself that if something was very wrong, at one of those ultrasounds, it would have been evident and that I am about to give birth to a perfectly healthy baby. A small-ish, but perfectly healthy baby. I just can't wait to hold him and I can't wait to see his face.

Labour watch/bumpdate: There is still really nothing to type here. As I've been writing my blog tonight I have been having some painful contractions and they seem somewhat consistent, but I haven't been timing them. I will soon be off to bed, and should they continue, and should they continue to the point where I cannot sleep through them, I will start timing, but I've had painful braxton hicks contractions throughout the later half of this pregnancy, so I doubt it will really turn into much.

This day was a good day and here's why:

1. We took Carter to the pumpkin patch today and bought our Halloween pumpkins. I took about 100 pictures of him, but because he's so anti-picture, I probably got 5 good ones -- if I'm lucky. I haven't had a chance to look through the camera yet, so I can't post any pictures from the actual gardens, but I'll try to do so tomorrow and add them to tomorrow's blog, if I can. He LOVED being there. He loved all the pumpkins; he loved the hay pile that they have for kids to climb, and he loved running around outside. I'm so glad we went. Going in the morning during the week (instead of on the weekend) was nice because we virtually had the place to ourselves. I know with every year that passes, he will just enjoy it more and more -- until, of course, he hits that age where he never wants to do anything with his family, or his mom. So, for now, I'm just going to enjoy his participation and his enthusiasm.

2. I took Carter to Jeff's work for lunch today. Jeff had been asking me to find a day to come by the office with Carter. Carter had a blast there too (I swear any place is a park in this kid's head) and it was nice to see Jeff mid-day and in his work space.

3. We had my family over for supper. It is always so good to visit with everyone. We always talk too much, too loud, and laugh a lot. I'm not sure I could ask for a better family than the one I've got. I'm a pretty lucky woman, yes, indeed, I am.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 65

Thursday, October 23, 2014

38 weeks, five days pregnant
T-9 Days

Well, folks, I have nothing to report physically for my labour watch/bumpdate, but I did see my doctor today and he checked me for dilation. One whopping centimetre. Having said that, prior to that appointment, I told my mom that I thought he'd say, "Well, your cervix is really soft, but you're not dilated at all." So, my body is doing more than I expected it to, which is nice to know. I really haven't felt anything at all that would make me think that I had dilated at all, so I suppose that's a good sign. The doctor said that it's good that I've made progress since he checked me at the 36 week mark, but given that this is my second pregnancy, this progress isn't overly impressive. He also said that the baby is very, very low and couldn't believe I could walk with any degree of comfort. Hopefully over the next week, the baby's positioning will continue to put pressure on my body and I will make some more progress.

I also have to note that 38 weeks and five days was the point in my pregnancy with Carter when I went into labour and we welcomed him into our lives. While I foresee no baby coming today, being at that milestone in this pregnancy is pure craziness. It's an emotional feeling and at this point, I really feel like a ticking time-bomb. I'm just so blessed to be here and to know that soon, so soon, we will be welcoming another little man into our lives and our family and from that day forward, things will forever be better. Busier. Maybe more stressful at times; maybe there will be less money at times; but, unequivocally, our lives and hearts will be the better for it.

Other than the appointment, today was pretty stinkin' good for a number of reasons:

1. I had lunch with Mrs. Pat Hanley today. She is just such an incredible person. You know how people will say of someone  that they make you want to be a better person - she is seriously one of these people. Honestly. I only know two of these people: Pat Hanley and Ashlee Longmore. I'm totally blessed to know these two women. 

Anyway, it was nice to take time to catch up with Pat. Because we worked together for over a year,we spent almost every day together and to go from that to never really seeing her is hard. We're both so busy in life, too, that after work time is booked up a lot for both of us and it's hard to find that time. It was a great visit. It's crazy to me that the next time I see her, I will likely be introducing her to the newest member of our family.

2. I had the day to myself today. I had a massage in the morning, had lunch with Pat, did some shopping and ran some errands. Because I was out of the house pretty much all day, my Mom and cousin, Nicole, came over to spend the day with Carter. They started off by making Halloween crafts and adding more fall/Halloween decorations to the house. When I came home for about an hour after all of my errands, but before I had my prenatal appointment, I walked in and fell in love with the decorations they had made that were hanging up in my house. They said that Carter had really enjoyed crafting and was far more involved in the process than they had anticipated he would be. They said that crafting held his attention for a good hour. I was happy to hear that he had so much fun with them while I was out for the day.

There was also something special about walking into my house and seeing all these decorations, partly made by my kid, that made me feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, and exactly where I always daydreamed of being, in my life. I always pictured my adult life and my house with kids -- and evidence of kids -- in them. These kid-made crafts felt like road-markers that said, "you're going in the right direction." For me, kid crafts, kids pictures hanging on the fridge, kid-made Christmas ornaments hanging on the Christmas tree, all bring a sense of not just warmth, but truth, to a house. They carry a rawness, a realness; they epitomize happiness for me. They are the point of it all. I have no idea if that makes sense and I'm too tired right now to figure out how to express what those Halloween crafts embodied for me emotionally, so hopefully some of what I mean came through in those sentences. If not, maybe I'll try again in another post, that I'm not writing at 10:40 p.m. 

3. I FINALLY had a good sleep last night (Wednesday night). Carter didn't cough at all (maybe this effing cold is finally taking a hint and going away?!), and Jeff slept downstairs, so the only thing to keep me up was my pregnant bladder and the insomnia that is your end-of-pregnancy gift. In spite of three bathroom breaks and a little trouble getting back to sleep after one of them, I slept much better and felt more rested than I have in a good week and a half. Thank the lord.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 64

38 weeks, 4 days pregnant
T-10 Days until due date

I can't believe that this is the last day before the count-down morphs into single-digits. I'm so ready and so not ready all at the same time. I think in a previous post I had mentioned that I was 38 weeks and six days pregnant on the day that Carter was born. I realized today that was a lie: I was 38 weeks and five days. That means that at this exact point in my pregnancy with Carter, I went to bed and woke up at 4:00 a.m. the next morning in labour. He was born that day at 5:15. I do not foresee that happening in the wee hours of the morning this time, but I didn't foresee it coming with Carter either.

There isn't much of an update to give for the labourwatch/bumpdate: at this moment, I'm having a lot of pressure and uncomfortable back pain, but it's related to baby's movements, which are, at this exact moment, extremely strong and uncomfortable.

I continue to lose an excessive amount of sleep for a woman who does not yet have a newborn. Carter was coughing in the middle of the night again so hard he gagged, so up we were, sipping tea. He went right back to bed after telling us he was "sleepy" and was fine, but I couldn't fall back to sleep after that and probably got a total of four hours of sleep, if I was lucky. I didn't nap today either. I didn't have time, and I had promised myself that tonight would be an 8:00 p.m. bedtime for a change, but we didn't even get Carter in the bath until that time and it would seem that I am unable go to bed without making sure the kitchen, dining room and living room is clean, just in case that is the night I wake up in labour. I want to keep the house as spotless as I can and this is coming at the expense of sleep. I know that at some point, I really need to let that go and just rest more, but this nesting urge is really something else.

In spite of being very, very tired, I enjoyed the day, for the most part.

1. I balanced cleaning the house and enjoying play time with Carter really well today, and that felt good. I love watching him play and playing with him. I can't define what it is, but it's the neatest experience to watch your kids play make believe. I guess sometimes it's that he still feels like my baby, and here he is vroom, vrooming his cars around the parking lot play mat in his play room, parking them in the proper parking stalls and everything. I grin at him like a fool wondering at what point he turned into such a kid. I feel like I turned my head for one second and now he's this little boy.

2. Carter had gymnastics this evening (this is partly why I didn't get my 8:00 p.m. bedtime) and he did really well. It's so fun to see him walk with his classmates from course to course and to see him go through the obstacle courses by himself. Again -- how did he get so big??

3. Tomorrow I REALLY AM taking a day to myself and I'm looking forward to it. The last time I said that (about taking Tuesday), I only ended up dropping Carter off at my mom's from 1-5:30. Tomorrow I have a massage in the morning, am going to go drop a butt-load of cash on GOOD maternity bras (people - I breastfed Carter for almost TWO YEARS and that whole time only used ONE maternity bra. How completely ridiculous and cheap of me was that?!?), run a couple errands, go for lunch with one of my very favourite people in the world, come home, watch a terrible reality tv show (think Survivor), NAP, get up and go to my prenantal appointment. That, folks, will be an alright day. Yes it will.

Okay, it's 11:01, so I need to get myself to sleep. Please send good sleep thoughts and no-coughing toddler thoughts my way this evening. If I could have that day tomorrow on 8 hours of sleep, that would feel pretty darned amazing, methinks!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 63

38 weeks, 3 days pregnant
T-11 days until baby's due date.

Labour watch/bumpdate: nothing much to report. A few short-lived mild cramping sessions today. Last night while in bed, baby was trying to headbutt his way out. Neither my cervix nor my bladder were impressed at his valiant attempts. In spite of last night's abuse to my cervix, I do not have any sense that this little man has any intention of introducing himself to the world any time soon. He seems pretty comfortable in there to me. I still think that next week - mid-to-late week, he will plan to  make the great escape. I have a prenatal appointment  on Thursday, late afternoon, and will get a dilation check done then, so I will have a better sense on Thursday if anything is going on in my nether regions. I would advise that no one holds their breath.

Sigh. Folks, today was a much better day than yesterday. While I still didn't sleep as well as I would have liked last night, I felt much better mentally and emotionally once I got out of bed and got moving this morning. Here are my highlights:

1. Carter and I had a nice morning together. I went to a local crunchy mama shop here to look for a super cute piggy bank that would be the final part of the gift from Carter to the baby. I decided, rather than going on my own, to take him with me. I figured that I would pick the two or three I liked best and then get him to pick out one from there - that way the gift really was "from" big brother Carter. But, when I got there, they only had one I really liked, so bringing him along with me was kind of pointless. But who knew?

2. After leaving the shop, I took the lad to my mom's for the afternoon and then was kind enough to invite Carter, Jeff and me over for supper. So I dropped him off, went home, ate lunch, watched an episode of Dancing with the Stars, and took a nap. It was great not to have to get up when someone else got up, but to lay in bed and get up on my own time. 

I love spending time alone. Maybe that's weird, but it's true. Maybe because I never get to. But I really cherish time just to myself. I enjoy running errands alone. I enjoy shopping alone. I LOVE being home alone. Don't get me wrong: I wouldn't want to be alone all the time and I think I would hate living alone - and I do love going shopping with my cousin, my mom, or a friend - but I have had so little alone time in the past while that I really just soaked it in. I would love a weekend alone, to be honest, but I would also love to have some sort of money tree growing in my back yard. I think the likelihood that I will get either are about the same.

3. Supper at my mom's was great. The food was good. The company was good. The cake I bought was good. Carter ate well. He had a great time with my dad. I have said this a thousand times before, but watching those two together brings a smile to my face. Also, eating there meant that I didn't have to make supper myself and, in not having to do so, my kitchen remained clean. Woot to that!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 62

38 weeks, 2 days pregnant
T-12 days

The cramping has subsided, though I have twinges of it here and there. What I do have, however, is a mood that can rival that of the intensely miserable pharmacist at Safeway (I have no idea if she has teeth, since I've never seen her smile in the over four years we've been living in this end of the city), and a headache. I don't know if these are symptoms of a pre-labour hormone shift or not, but neither have been particularly enjoyable. 

They could also both be chalked up to a shitty day into which I came (again) without enough sleep. There's no other way to say it, really. Describing my day really must involve a curse word -- or two. It was a fucking shitty day. There - that's better.

We are going on a week of this stupid cold that Carter is fighting. His nose ran like a faucet today and he sneezed -- in my face, or on my food -- about a thousand times. I'm sure I'll contract this virus right in time to have a baby. That'll be awesome. Because Carter continues to lose at least an hour of sleep to coughing per night (not the crazy coughing - the one cough every 3 minutes kind of cough that just serves to prevent sleep), and because maybe he was just feeling under the weather today, he oscillated between being cranky and his normal, happy, cuddly, playful self. To top everything off, he didn't nap. I put him to bed; he seemed tired, but he chatted himself up and laid there sucking his thumb for an hour before I got out of my own bed (hoping for a nap myself) and gave up.

As the day wore on, it became one of those days when everything just felt like a half-fail and I felt like a shitty mom and a shitty wife. By supper time, I either wanted to cry about everything, or had to resist the urge to run away screaming like a woman who forgot to take her meds. It was a beat-yourself-up-mentally day today for sure. And I'm still reeling from not feeling good enough at anything. To end the evening, the toddler who didn't nap today was HELLISH during the bedtime routine. For the first time today, I gave up, stood in the middle of my living room and just cried. Like a baby. Yes I did.

Enough of that, though. The day had its pleasant moments and I suppose I had better list them before I work myself up into a negative frenzy. Okay, okay: a more negative frenzy.

1. I am in full-on nesting mode. It's such a strange urge. It makes me feel like I need five more hours in a day. I tackled cleaning and organizing the kitchen cupboards today. I hope the baby appreciates that. I'm sure he will. Either way, I'm glad it's done.

2. I am currently drinking an After Eight hot chocolate. It's bliss in a mug.

3. I texted my mom and told her I'm taking a day to myself tomorrow, so she is spending the afternoon with her grandson. For the purpose of mental sanity. I will buy myself Starbucks. I will go to an overpriced baby store to buy an overpriced piggy bank that will serve as the final gift from Carter to the baby and then I will spend some time putting together the gifts from the boys to one another. I will clean something in the house, while dancing too sexually for how pregnant I am. I will watch a tv show and then I will take a nap. I will get my supper prepped in peace before going to pick up Carter. The most important part: I will do all of this alone. And it will be great. I hope.

Today and I have broken up, but we'll try again tomorrow. Wish us luck. 

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 61

38 weeks, 1 day
T-13 days until baby's due date

*Feeling period-like cramping off and on. My lower back, hips, and legs tend to ache a little before my period starts and I've had that feeling intermittently the past 2 days. When I was pregnant with Carter, I had that exact kind of cramping/aching for most of the week and then went into labour at 4:00 a.m. on Saturday morning. So, maybe my body is gearing up for labour? We'll see, I suppose ;) 

1. My sister in law is 36 weeks today. Her doctor thinks she will deliver before her due date - maybe in her 37th week. If she's right, and if I'm right on my feeling that I won't deliver until week 39, we will have our babies in the same week. We're going to try to text one another throughout labour, if we can, and I keep thinking it would be so crazy to be in labour at the same time. I know it's unlikely, but  really, it was unlikely that neither of us were "trying" to get pregnant and we did -- within two weeks of each other. 

2. Our little family got to spend all weekend together, just the three of us, and it was pretty awesome. Once Carter was in bed, Jeff and I topped tonight off with key lime pie, tea (for me), coffee (for him), and an episode of Sons of Anarchy. *sigh* perfection.

3. Today was a good house-cleaning day. I need about four more of these and I'll be happy with the state of my house. I think it's so funny that nesting means finding dust in places you didn't even know existed in your house. I surprise myself with the "new" things I find to dust. It's really completely ridiculous, actually. Anyway, the trouble is that four more of these days would come at the expense of days with Carter and I feel too close to the end of time with just him and I to give that time up. 

Okay, I'm taking my pregnant ass to bed to start reading (and probably falling asleep within the first few pages) of Gone Girl.

Have a good week, everyone!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 60

38 weeks pregnant today
T-14 days until baby is "due" to arrive

I will probably have a baby in my house 2 weeks from this moment. That is so crazy to me. I can't wait to see what he looks like and to give him oh so many kisses. I don't think I will go overdue, but I'm having ZERO signs of impending labour, so I feel like he will come in week 39 - close to my due date. I have no real reason for making that assumption though ;),

Aside from just waiting for this little guy to introduce himself to our family, these were today's graces:

1. I got to sleep in a little today. Jeff got up with Carter. It was only about 1/2 hour longer, but it felt nice to just laze in bed for that extra time.

We have been really busy since the beginning of September with house renovations and things have finally slowed. All I really have left to do is clean the house, though I know what doesn't get done won't matter one iota to the baby, so while I am going to try to get some good cleaning done in the days I have left before he comes, I'm going to try to spend more fun time with Carter.

Because of Carter's cold, I have also just not been sleeping well at all. He wakes up in the night coughing - manageable coughing, but enough to keep me awake and checking in on him. Because of how busy we've been and how much sleep I've been losing at night, I'm totally exhausted and so, even though I slept in a little this morning, by 11:00 a.m. I was totally beat. Jeff and Carter were watching a movie in the theatre room, and I decided to lay down again. I slept, off and on, for another hour and a half. I woke up feeling much better rested, but it sort of highlighted for me how behind on sleep I am. If possible, given the fact that baby could show up at any time, I'd like to try to stay as caught up on sleep as I can, just so I'm not going into the physical marathon that is giving birth and then immediately caring for a newborn already low on sleep and overtired.

2. Jeff spent the whole day at home, with us, today. Because we've been working on house renovations, he's been mostly MIA doing stuff related to that. This is the first weekend in as long as I can remember when he didn't have to be doing anything or be anywhere. It was so nice to have him home. It was nice that I was able to rest while he hung out with Carter and it was nice that he and Carter were actually able to spend some time together.

3. We took Carter swimming tonight. We haven't gone - the three of us - in forever; for sure not since the summer and it was so fun. It's good exercise for him and Jeff and I enjoyed being in the water. Normally, I have him in swimming lessons, but we were on vacation the day that registration opened for classes and I literally used my phone to register - which was extra challenging because I would lose and re-gain internet connectivity as we were driving through the mountains. Because of this, I registered about 6 hours after registration was open and the classes fill up so quickly here that the sessions for September - October were already full and my only option was the November-December session. SO, while our plan was to register him for the September- October session and not register him for the November-December session (because we knew we'd be extra busy and tired with a newborn in the house), this was not to be. Anyway, he had a great time and cried when we left, which made me realize that we really need to make a point of going more often.

That's it. That was Saturday. A good, kind of sleepy-lazy day, but a day that provided some much-needed catch up on rest for my pregnant self!

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 59

Friday, October 17th
37 weeks, 6 days pregnant
T-15 days until baby's due date

Today was a pretty good day, despite the fact that Carter continues to battle this stupid cold. Here's why:

1. My little man-cub finally got a haircut this morning. I LOVE his curly hair, but sometimes it just gets too long for me. It gets so out of control and I know that I look like one of "those" moms who can't be bothered to comb her kid's hair. The truth is, I don't comb his hair, but not because I can't be bothered; it's because when I do comb it, the natural curl just frizzes out and looks even crazier. He still has his curl, but it's just shorter and I love it. I'm glad to have gotten this checked off the to-do list before the baby arrives (and before the newborn photos are taken).

2. We got our flu shots today. I did discuss Carter's cold with the public health nurse, but they still think it's better for you to have the shot, even if you have a mild cold that your body is fighting off, rather than not get the shot. Jeff has yet to get his, but once he does, we're all good -- I hope. I really wanted to make sure we got our shots before the baby came. Another thing off of the to-do list.

3. Watching a movie with my Mom, Aunt and Cousin last night. It was a nice night to drink hot chocolate, eat an entire bag of popcorn (myself) and get into a movie.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 58

37 weeks, 5 days pregnant. 16 days until due date.

It was a pretty chilly, rainy fall day, but I actually kind of enjoyed the weather. We've all been enjoying this unseasonably warm fall weather, especially after the rip off that "summer" was. But it was kind of nice to have it feel like a fall day. They are calling for higher temps again over the weekend (14 &  20, I heard) and knowing this makes the cool days tolerable. It's when I see snow in the forecast that I start swearing like a sailor in my head.

It's crazy to me that it's possible that we might be bringing our baby home in warmer fall weather and not snow. All this time, I've been imagining packing up the newest little man in our household and braving the negative temps for that most exciting journey home, but if our city is selling this +20 business, hells yes, I'm buying.

So,  in addition to enjoying the weather, I liked today because:

1. I had a really productive morning. I feel immediately good and happier when I'm productive, as opposed to lazy. Being lazy is a self-perpetuating, bad cycle and it's easy to become down because of it.

2. I met for a long-overdue coffee with the uber-talented Ali Lauren today. We met through our awesome husbands, who have been really close friends for years. Ali is a photographer and how quickly she books up lends evidence to the truth that she's a damned good one.  Ali was the only other person I knew (other than Jeff and my doctor) who was in the room during Carter's delivery. She did birth photography for us and captured some pretty incredible moments. We met today to discuss her doing birth photography again for this baby, if all goes well. I hope it works out and she's able to attend. These are the kind of pictures I could never ask anyone else to take, and I still cry when I look at them.

While we met with the purpose of discussing birth photography, it was a great catch-up chat. We're both busy, so we don't get together nearly enough and it was so good to see her and check in.

3. We pretty much finished the baby's room today. We have to hang a couple things on the wall, and then it's done. I do also want a rocker/glider in the room, in the other corner by the window where the baby's bouncer is, but I haven't been able to find exactly what I want, and I'm not spending upwards of $400 on something I don't really, really love. But, other than completing a deep clean of my house (hahaha) we're ready for this baby.

In labour. Ali barely made it to the hospital in time for the birth. I arrived at the hospital, already 8cm dilated and Carter was born about 2 hours later. 

Coming to the realization that we are parents. 

First kiss. 

With the gorgeous Ali Lauren. 

Mom and Dad didn't know the sex of the baby. As Jeff ushered them into the room, he said, "I'd like to introduce you to Carter Owen," and that's how they were told that they had a grandson. My dad was beaming and my mom was more emotional than I'd ever seen her. 

December 24, 2011. Best Christmas gift ever. 

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 57

37 Weeks, 4 days pregnant. Let's just start with that from here on out, shall we?

Today was a good day because:

1. I am very nearly done packing my hospital bag. All I have left are things that, if forgotten, wouldn't be a big deal like snacks, a change of clothes for Jeff, and a couple of my most trusted and comfy tank tops that will be easy to nurse in once baby is here. I have a hospital bag. This continues to blow my mind. I realized today that I am a week and 2 days away from the day that Carter was born (38 weeks, 6 days). This freaks me out - only because I haven't cleaned the house in the way I want. I remind myself that the baby won't know the difference ;)

2. How much more Carter is talking is evident with every single day that passes. It's amazing to see his language skills develop so much. Watching your kids learn and grow is one of the most rewarding parts about parenthood for sure. You truly don't know how proud you can be of someone until you have a child. No question about that.

3. Going out for supper with my family tonight to belatedly celebrate Curtis' birthday. My cousin, Nicole, stayed with Carter and put him to bed for us while we enjoyed a child-free supper out. It was nice to have time with adults and not worry about Carter and how much he was eating, how loud he was being in the restaurant and keeping him entertained. Afterwards, Jeff and I went to Chapters with my brother, Joel and his lady, Sarah, for Starbucks and a walk around a book store. Really, can anything be better?

I hope all of you had a great day :)

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 56

By no means was today a bad day, but it just wasn't a particularly good day either. Nothing stands out about the day in my memory as a positive that needs listing here.

I was extraordinarily tired today. Carter woke up at 5 this morning, coughing so hard that he was gagging. The coughing fit was very short, but since we actually got up to calm him down and make him  some tea sweetened with honey, I was totally awake and struggled to fall back asleep. This would be fine if I was a reasonable adult who had gone to bed early the night before but, alas, I am not. So I'd say I slept for a whopping 5 hours. I'm exhausted now - at 10:20 -  but I'm one of those weird and crazy moms who literally can't sleep until she knows her kid is sleeping and he's coughing right now here and there for the past 20 minutes, so now I can't sleep. I don't try to stay awake; in spite of my most valient attempts, I simply cannot fall asleep. It's the worst kind of curse, I'm tellin' ya.

Okay so today. What did I like about today.... Think, Amber, think!

1. Cuddling on the couch with my boy. We made today a lazy movie day since he is under the weather. Our days of cuddling whenever we feel like it are soon to be over, so I was happy to hold my boy and give him an annoying number of kisses.

2. When I read books to Carter at night, one of the books I usually read is "I Love You Through and Through." There are a couple parts where the character is sad and though the book doesn't say why, Carter seems convinced that the boy misses/wants his mom. I'm probably reading into his analysis, but my heart believes that the reason he thinks that is because missing me is what makes him the most sad. It makes my heart both smile and cry.

3. Drinking tea with my boy today. He was pretty darned interested in what was in my mug, so I spooned a little out for him into a tiny espresso cup and he loved it. The first time he ever had tea was in the early hours this morning when I made him a cup to soothe his throat and calm the cough. He loved it then, but I didn't know if it would continue or if it was more the novelty of getting to get up with mom and dad in the middle of the night. Turns out, he's a tea drinker! I told him we could have some tea while we read books before bed tonight and he said "tea?!" in his cute, excited, raspy, little voice. So he definitely understands what it is and he knows he likes it. There is something so soothing and comforting about tea, a book and a warm, comfy bed, so if this is to be a new part of our nighttime routine for the winter, I'm down!

I was totally unproductive today and moved at about a snail's pace, but I was on cuddle-mom duty; re-reading my post now, the day sounded pretty darned good, actually, didn't it?

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 55

It's Thanksgiving Monday today. I'm 37 weeks and two days pregnant and my SIL is 35 weeks and one day pregnant. All is well in my world!

1. Finally, I feel like I'm getting somewhere with the list of things we need/want to do before the baby comes. I had washed all the seat covers/bedding type stuff for the baby gear: the bassinet, the bouncer, and the swing. Today I wiped all of those actual apparatuses down and put the seat covers on them, so they are all ready to go. Jeff will be setting up the crib tomorrow and then we can hang a couple things on the walls and we're essentially ready to go in baby's room.

2. Carter was so interested in the baby stuff as I was putting it together and washing it down. His eyes lit up with everything as it was completed and he put his teddy bear in things and was covering him up. He would tell his dad that this is for the "bay." It was so sweet to watch and made me feel like he'll be so excited and interested when the actual "bay" comes home. I am worrying less and less about jealousy and am starting to think that he'll just be excited. I already know that he will get upset and concerned when the "bay" cries though. When other kids cry, he gets very worried. He's my sweet boy!

3. It's 10 p.m. and I'm sitting on the couch, typing this blog after a super productive day. I have Dancing with the Stars on for mildly entertaining background noise, a small cookie dough blizzard from DQ, and a candle burning. I'm going to relax in front of the tv for a bit before waddling my pregnant ass to bed. Jeff is downstairs, watching a movie in the theatre room with brother Curtis. He's been going non-stop, so I'm glad that Curtis said he wanted to make it a movie night. It forced Jeff to take a break and do something he enjoys. All of these things make my soul happy.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 54

This weekend is the Thanksgiving holiday weekend and I feel like my life is pretty full of things to be thankful for. Today, specifically though, I'm thankful for these three things:

1. The upgrades to the outside of our house are nearly done. My dad, brother and Jeff replaced/put on new soffit and facia. The gutters still need to be put on, but the method by which we're doing that is still being debated. But the major work of the soffit and facia are done and I cannot express to anyone how happy I am about that!

2. Having Thanksgiving supper with mom's side tonight. The food was amazing, being surrounded by extended family just makes me extra happy, Carter had such a good time with my cousin's kids, and I laughed a ton. It was a good night :)

3. I got a ton of laundry put away tonight and my kitchen and dining room clean. I feel like cleaning should never be a part of my positives, but getting these things done means that won't have to do them tomorrow and there's something fantastic and waking up to a clean kitchen.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 53

Today, I am thankful for:

1. The fact that I am full-term (37 weeks pregnant) today! I never thought I would get to this point, for a whole host of reasons, but I'm here and I have an active belly to prove it. I love knowing that at any point from here on out, I can go into labour and have a perfectly healthy, take-home baby.

2. How much time Carter (and I) spent outside today. The weather was amazing for this time of year and my dad, brother, and husband were once again working on the exterior of our house, so Carter and I spent a couple of hours out there as well. Carter ran around like a guy trying to escape a fire in his own diaper, while I waddled after him, frequently sharply inhaling my breath as baby tried to headbutt his way into the world. I'm telling you, the pain these headbutts cause are worse than labour. There is a term for this sensation, actually. It is affectionately referred to by pregnant women as "lightening crotch" and it's about as fun as it sounds. Google it. Or don't. I'd understand either way.

3. I know this shouldn't be something I'm thankful for but, dang it, I am: I got a ton of laundry done today. My laundry, bedding, Carter's laundry, baby laundry. You name it; I washed it. Sadly, there is more. So much more. But the point is, I got a good lot of it done today.

Happy full-term day, baby!

I am 37 weeks pregnant today. Full-term. I have to repeat that to myself because it doesn't quite feel real. This pregnancy has been the craziest ride and so different than my pregnancy with Carter. 

Carter was as planned as a baby can be. Not so this time. With this baby, we had intended on not concerning ourselves with birth control or preventing pregnancy (though not "trying" per say) come August/fall -- now, really. Well ya'll know how that worked out given that I'm comparable to a a mid-size car at the moment. Jeff and I aren't idiots - we spent many, many years not getting pregnant, so I can't say this baby was a complete surprise, but he was definitely unexpected. I'm pretty damned knowledgeable about fertility. I know when to get down to business (when you're trying to get knocked up) and when to avoid it like the plague, or how to properly use birth control (when you're trying to avoid getting knocked up) and I have to say, by all logic (and math) I certainly didn't think pregnancy was possible on the night the magic happened. Clearly, my body is about as good at math as my brain. So seeing those two lines on that pregnancy test made me wonder if I was going cross-eyed.

My body had been acting "weird" for a couple of days and, truthfully, I took the test to rule out the possibility that I was pregnant. I remember looking at the test, watching the control line pop up to let me know that the test was working and then slowly squinting as I thought a second line was coming to be. I brought the test close to my face, thinking I was seeing things. I took off my glasses to get the test closer to my actual eyeball. Holy shit, I thought, there's a freaking second line. Out loud, to myself, I think I said, "no way." I called, from our bathroom, to Jeff: "Uh... I think there's a second line here!" He came in to have a look. He smiled. I was scared shitless. To confirm, like a crazy ass, I ran to the drug store to get a "better" test. I took a total of three tests -- yes, three -- and all three were unmistakably telling me that our future involved another baby. February 22, 2014, was a day I will never forget. (There must be something with the number 22 for me because it was April 22, 2011 that I got a positive pregnancy test with Carter.)

Over the next 7 weeks or so, I was so nervous and worried I would miscarry. I didn't feel great. I was very, very crampy, I thought there was no way this pregnancy would end in a baby. At my 12 week prenatal appointment, we heard a heartbeat and I started to let it sink in that this baby was here to stay. Two days later, at 12 weeks and one day, I saw red -- literally -- and was certain that this was the beginning of the miscarriage I had dreaded since I discovered I was pregnant. It was a Sunday night and probably the scariest night of my life. I went to my doctor the next morning and he couldn't find a heartbeat. We discussed how rare it was for this to happen after the 12 week mark and after having heard a heartbeat and then we discussed "options." Jeff and I were both totally devastated and cried for most of the morning while waiting to leave for our ultrasound to confirm what we thought we already knew.

We got to the clinic and walked into that room -- I'm sure -- like we were heading for our last supper. I laid down on the table. Jeff sat in the chair at the end of the bed. Above his head, on the wall, was a tv. I noticed that, unlike other ultrasounds, the technician did not turn it on immediately. She assumed we wouldn't want to see our baby in there without a heartbeat. I was very aware of this omission. I pulled my shirt up, my pants down, and started to cry as she put the wand on my still slightly swollen belly. She immediately said, "Well I'll tell you that I see a heartbeat." I shot up and sputtered, "no you don't!" "Yes," she said, "I do. The baby looks great. I'll just take some measurements and then turn on the tv for you so you can see." I laid back down and looked at Jeff who was as wide-eyed as I was. I kept waiting for bad news: the heart rate isn't where they'd like it? He's measuring 8 weeks, even though we're 12 weeks? But no, the baby looked perfect. I cried and cried and then I cried some more. I couldn't bring myself to peel my eyes off of the tv screen and watched in awe as the baby wiggled around and the heartbeat flickered on the screen. I knew my sobbing was making her job harder than it need to be given that I was inadvertently moving the wand she still had on my belly while I shook from crying.

What caused the bleeding? A low-lying placenta; likely to move as my uterus grew the doctor said, and he was right.

Since then, things have, for the most part, been pretty normal and easy. It took me so long to settle into the pregnancy and embrace the reality of a second baby - not because I wasn't ready, but because I was afraid to allow myself to think it was actually going to happen. I continued to be plagued with a variety of worries that I continually brought up to friends and family: having Braxton Hicks contractions really early on (I'm talking starting 19 weeks) and a lot of pressure made me afraid I would give birth really early; I got paranoid that the anatomy scan would reveal that something was seriously wrong with the baby; the list goes on. I'm sure I drove my friends and family half crazy as I approached them with my newest scare, and probably had them all slightly worried about my stress-levels given the amount I worried.

But here we are. Here I am. 37 weeks pregnant. Overjoyed that the day will soon be here when I will finally see the face of this little person I've been harvesting and worried about for nine months. Soon I will hold him skin-to-skin, nurse him, kiss his little face, smile at his baby grunts, and look at how small his hands and feet are in disbelief that a.) someone can have hands and feet that small and b.) I grew them in my very own body. Soon I will watch Carter lay eyes on him for the first time, not knowing that this boy will one day be one of his best friends and closest allies (I hope!). I will watch Jeff react to his birth and will get to see him love two of our boys in a way that will melt my soul. I will get to introduce him to my parents, brothers, family and friends and watch them love him too.

I rejoice in this day and in the anticipation that it carries. I will spend the next couple of weeks (that long??) wondering if these are the contractions that will mark the start of labour, and waiting for my body to show signs of impending birth. Never again will I be "full-term" in a pregnancy. I cherish these moments, knowing they are all a collection of my lasts and that this kind of anticipation and watchfulness over my own body will never again come to pass.

This weekend is Thanksgiving and I'm thankful for my full-term pregnancy, for my Carter Owen Peters, and for the husband that has brought both of these little fellows into my life. While I'm here though, and if you're STILL reading this, thank you, so much, to those of you who have loved the crazy version of me that has emerged this last nine, worry-filled months. Thank you for trying to talk me off the ledge, watching me cry, and still being excited about the life that is so soon to be. Your support makes this milestone that much sweeter.

Soon, so soon, I will be posting pictures of a newborn baby on here. I'm so ready.

xoxo
Amber