Exercise - to post or not to post: that is the question.

Humans, this is the exercise video I do every other day (on the no run days) and it makes me want to die. Notes: 1. I don't do the full exercise; it's too hard and after years of sitting on the couch, I need to ease myself in. 2. I DO NOT remember jumping jacks being so hard. 3. During these exercises, I'm constantly reminded that my leg and core (ab) strength is in the tank. I hope that in time I start to find these less "impossible" and start to feel stronger in my body. Feeling how weak I am stinks. 4. I decided to do my workout today in the early part of the day because I am heading into work this afternoon, and then attending a work supper tonight and knew that would mean a 9:00 p.m. workout after a full day of zero Jeff time. 5. I'm glad it's not even 11:00 a.m. yet and the workout is already done. 6. My god, do I need a shower. 7. It's EFFING difficult to do a workout at home with the kids. Every time I got on the ground to do an ab exercise, Gray tried to sit on me. They also both kept walking in front of my phone where I had the video playing, so I couldn't see. So, in addition to gasping for that glorious, life-giving oxygen like a woman in labour, I was also trying to get the kids to not get in the way of the workout completely. 8. I look like a total goon doing half of these things. I actually laugh out loud at myself sometimes. Thank god no one sees this crap. 9. When I do the cardio parts I can always feel my belly fat jiggling around which is effing gross and actually makes me more motivated to keep going. I'm going to *try* to wear a bikini to the beach this summer... and do it without feeling so self-conscious that I just want to have the kids bury me in the sand the whole time. 9a. My belly is the main reason I started exercising. I don't care about my weight. I don't care about having a perfectly flat stomach, but I am sick of feeling like I have to dress in layers because I am embarrassed by my how my belly looks. (This is just my judgement on how I feel in my body; this is NOT a judgement I am making on how all bodies should look.) I am toying with the idea of taking a picture of how I really look (in a bikini) so that: 1.) People can see what I'm talking about because I think half the people think I'm full of crap. 2.) Showing everyone who thinks I'm "skinny" that I have a normal, bumpy body like everyone else and while, yes, we all have different variations of that, no one's body is perfect. (Okay, maybe some people's are "perfect" but I vote we stop talking to those a-holes.) 3.) So that every month I can take a picture in the same bathing suit to track my progress. My concerns with posting this kind of photo are many: 1. I don't want people to think I'm just doing it for attention (but then I recognize that I can't control how other people respond. I can only control my own actions and if I know that my motivations are pure, eff what everyone else thinks.) 2. I am scared to show people what I actually look like. No more hiding under 2 shirts that (somewhat) mask my belly flab. And there you have it, people. Now, I am toting my munchkins off to my mom's so I can come home and get in that much-needed shower. Have a wonderful day yous people.