100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 33

My three positives for today. (Day 33)
1. Tums. At 31 weeks pregnant, Tums have become an important food group.
2. Working out some details pertaining to renovations that will take place in the new spare room/playroom and the baby's room with my dad and Jeff :) I'm so ready to get this process underway. We are running out of time!
3. Having my parents over for supper. Carter was so excited to see their truck pull up. I love that :)

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 32

My three positives for yesterday.
1. In this pregnancy, my weeks turn over on Saturdays, so today I am 31 weeks today :)
2. Going out for breakfast with my fellas this morning.
3. Pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks, yo!

So, who the hell am I, anyway?

So, who the hell am I?

Good freaking question. The words and roles people use to introduce themselves to others can say a lot, so I feel like giving a list of words (roles, i.e., wife, mother, etc.) to provide a glimpse into who I am, is akin to me taking off all of my clothes and standing in front of you. I could second guess this post for days, but I'm just going to post it and carry on.

Let's start with the basics. I'm a full-time working mom; I'm a wife; I'm currently smuggling a watermelon that is due to make his appearance in a few short months. Do those things define me in a complete sense? No, but can anyone really be defined? Probably not. Those aspects of my life, however, constitute the greatest (and by this I mean both the best and the most) part of my world. They seem like a good place to start.

So I'm married. Happily married. Seriously happily married. (The "seriously happy" part - my mom says - is because I still have eggs. I'll post this story some day; it's a gooder.) Jeff and I have been together for nine and a half years. We fell in love REALLY fast (I'm talking a month), moved in together after roughly four months, got engaged after two years, got married after 3 years, and had our first child, Carter Owen, in our fourth year of marriage. While I will likely talk about Jeff a lot, much of it will probably be me being sappy. He'll tell you he's awesome -- and he's right. He's the husband society told me never existed and he's the kind of dad everyone should want for their kids. I'm not just saying that to uphold an image. It is my reality, luckily. I'm blessed, and I know it. (Again, according to Mom, these are my eggs talking.)

February of this year brought a small surprise when two lines popped up on a home pregnancy test and we found out we were expecting baby number two. Baby boy is due November 1st. After this baby, we are done making babies. I say this to the disappointment of everyone who thinks you HAVE to have a child of each sex to be a complete family. For us - we're excited about two boys; we're excited to give Carter a brother. I'm excited to be the only woman in the house (at least for now). I imagined our future with two boys. I imagined packing up two kids on camping trips and looking in the back seat of our SUV and seeing two boys with curly, sandy blonde hair and scraped knees, and that will be my future. All feels right in the world.

I work full-time and I'll tell ya, working full-time and then coming home to be a patient mom who makes good meals, keeps the house clean, and participates and engages in good conversation with her husband, friends, and family is no joke. Not that I think women who work in the home have it easier; I can just say that, at this point in my life, I find being a working mom completely exhausting. I often feel overwhelmed and like I'm doing nothing particularly well. I'm sure adding another kid to the mix will fix that right up. Right? 

In 2009, I completed my Masters of Arts Degree, majoring in English. I didn't do the degree with the intention of getting any specific job. I simply loved and excelled at English in high school, and wanted to continue to focus on English classes in my post-secondary education. I loved the reading, the paper writing, the analyzing, the class discussions and I love how English touches on all subjects: philosophy, history, psychology, sociology. I'm sure I'm missing a subject or two. I think my favourite thing about it though was simply that -- well -- it taught me to think critically. It's all about asking a question.

So what will my posts be about? What won't these posts be about -- that's probably a shorter answer. I'll write about relationships of all kinds: marriage, family, friends; pregnancy, birth, parenthood, motherhood, my little mister (and my soon-to-be second little mister); social expectations and realities; frustrations and rants. It'll be the full gamut I guess. I'm not much of a crafter, gardener, or cook, so those topics will be few and far between, though I may talk about my "wish" to be good at those things.

I've already said that I tend to over-analyze. I'll write about things that happen to me that prompt me to ask questions about my behaviour, desires, concerns, and those of others. I will write about disappointments or blessings. I'll write about experiences I have that leave me frustrated or rolling my eyes and needing to vent. I have a sarcastic edge; you've been warned.

I have no idea if my posts will be completely vanilla and boring, or relatively thought provoking and entertaining. I hope they are of some benefit, sometimes, to someone, but in the end, if writing them makes me happy, that's enough of a reason too.

So who the hell am I? A work in progress, I hope.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 31

My three positives for the day :)

1. Baby boy moved around quite a bit today. Yesterday and the day before, I definitely noticed a marked decrease in his movements and how strong those movements were (I'd say by a good 75%). Today, however, was better. This brings me relief!
2. Today is Friday and it's a three-day weekend. We have no firm commitments or plans (for the first weekend in a good two months) and I'm looking forward to spending time with my boys, napping, and starting to really work on getting rooms ready for painting so Operation Ready For Baby can really commence.
3. Getting a ton of cleaning and tidying up done around the house this evening instead of waiting until tomorrow.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 30

My three positives from yesterday (day 30):
1. My auntie Shelly, who is a kick-ass nurse in Labour and Delivery, takes time out of her life to give me advice and calm my worries (of which we all know, there are many) about this pregnancy. I so appreciate her. We're REALLY hoping timing works out and she can be there for the delivery :)
2. Knowing that my soul sister understands me and her reminder that other people's opinions of me are none of my business. She helps make me not feel crazy when we all know I am.
3. Supper out at a pasta place last night with the two best lookin' fellas in the city. The food was good, Carter ate really well and was the best behaved he's ever been in a restaurant, and there was no cooking or kitchen clean up to follow :)

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 29

My three positives from yesterday (day 29):
1. Jeff and I picked up paint samples yesterday for both the baby's nursery and the bedroom downstairs that will become the playroom/new spare room. It's a start, and it better be because we only have just over 9 weeks until this baby is due!
2. Walking for ice cream yesterday with my boys.
3. Poutine from New York Fries for lunch. Not healthy, but so freaking good for a treat.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 28

Today's three positives:
1. I had a prenatal appointment today and my doctor confirmed that the baby is head down. I'm 30 weeks and the doctor said that though baby can still flip back to breech, it's highly unlikely. I told everyone this news today and ended with, "so we're go for launch!"
2. Watching trashy TV. I'm not proud of my uncultured television choices, but they take me out of the stress, worry and analyzing places I tend to go and help me decompress.
3. Laying down for 1/2 hour after supper and listening to Jeff and Carter play. I appreciate both the opportunity to rest my pregnant self (the fatigue is coming back, people!!), and listening to Jeff be a really, really  good dad to our little mister.

100 Happy Days Challenge - Day 27

My three positives for day 27:
1. Getting back into the routine of our lives. This is always bittersweet after a vacation because a big part of me doesn't want to go back to work after having been spoiled with 2 weeks off with my boy. But there is something to be said for the comfort of a routine.
2. I had a really good, stress-free day at work. I have 25 work days left before my mat leave starts and I'm hoping they're all like this.
3. Chomper, our cat, is such a yapper and let me tell you, it's pretty damned annoying. But he's super cute and when he cuddles up on me and purrs, I feel happy :)

100 Happy Days Challenge - Day 26

Once again, I completely forgot to post the 3 joys yesterday brought me. Better late than never.
1. Carter is starting to get back on track with his sleep schedule after being all over the place for the two weeks we were on vacation. This brings me relief.
2. Supper with my family last night. I love these wonderful human beings and am so blessed to be related to them.
3. Watching Carter kiss his grandparents, great-grandma, and uncles goodbye when we left my parents' yesterday. He is so sweet and I love how much he loves them.

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 25

I am currently 25% of the way through a challenge, and I'm going to continue the challenge here on my blog.

A while back, I came across the #100happydays challenge. Read up about it here:  http://100happydays.com

I liked the idea and was determined to participate. I didn't find it especially challenging to post about something that brought me happiness each day; for me the issue was the posting a picture of something that made me happy. The things that bring me the most happiness are often not things that can be photographed (and I don't mean because the photo will be tagged as inappropriate). My happiest moments are intangible - like the strength I get from my relationships, or moments where I feel saturated in gratitude, etc. Anyway, I fell off the boat on this challenge. But then arose a Facebook tag, and low and behold, I was tagged. The tag was a five-day challenge to list 3 positive things about your day. I enjoyed the challenge and decided to extend it and merge it with the 100 happy days challenge.

So my version of 100 happy days is this: for 100 days I will post at least three things about my day that were positive, brought me happiness, and the like. I have been posting these things as Facebook status updates (and probably driving my facebook friends crazy). Now that I started the blog though, I will post that list here and share the post on my facebook page (to ensure that I continue to drive my facebook friends nuts - this is, of course, part of being a good and responsible Facebooker).

I am on day 25 today, and here is my list:
1. Waking up next to Jeff this morning. I love this man.
2. I am 30 weeks pregnant today! How do we only have 10 weeks to go? I can't believe we're in the final quarter of this journey.
3. Breakfast with my brother this morning. I have two younger brothers -  both of whom are awesome. Curtis, the older of the two, often invites himself over for breakfast on Saturdays. It's become a norm that involves a delicious breakie, some good Uncle-Nephew time for Curtis and Carter, some good catch up chatter for the adults, and a lot of laughter. We need to get Joel, the youngest of the three of us, in on these.

The Beginning

Okay, so I'm taking the plunge and writing my first blog post. I'm copying my sister-in-law, Janette (VancitymommyD - find and follow her blog here: http://full-timemommydearest.blogspot.ca/) who recently started up a blog as well. Reading her posts and a few randoms from other bloggers can put me in a reflective mood and reminds me of the joy and the release that writing can bring. 

I'm also extremely analytical, which can be a real benefit to me in some situations, but a serious issue that I need to manage much better in others. Sometimes, things don't need to be analyzed to death: they can just be as they are and, frankly, I can drive myself crazy with the obsessive over-analyzing I do. I need to learn to relax sometimes, I'll admit. 

I guess, what I'm hoping this blog will bring me is some balance. Like an online diary, it will allow me to vent my feelings, frustrations, rants, and work through issues that I'm struggling with. When I was in University, working on my English degree, the process of paper writing always started with finding a knot or "problem" in the novel, text, or whatever piece(s) you were working from. The paper would explore that knot or problem - at least, that's what I did. One of my English professors (whose blog can be viewed here: http://blueduets.blogspot.ca/) had this great analogy for students writing a paper: she said that writing a paper was like unpacking an idea. She would send us off to unpack our suitcases. I still think about that today when I write. I'm long-winded (this is now clearly evident), but what I'm saying is that I would like to use this blog as a place to unpack my half-formed ideas; to untie knots that will inevitably show up in my life. Maybe, if I can write about things, I can give them away - at least in part - to the world, and I won't continue to analyze them and put myself in the nuthouse. That's a big maybe.

I'm looking for release, a broadened perspective, the viewpoints of others, and the cathartic benefit writing has.

But I'm scared. Aside from my marriage and my family, commitment isn't my thing. Okay, I suck at it. A lot. So are my posts going to be like your regularly scheduled programming? Likely not, but I'm hoping I surprise even myself.

I'm not looking to gain a large following and fully expect that if anyone reads this blog, it will mostly be people in my life since I'll share them on my Facebook page. I worry that sometimes this will be difficult if what I'm working through in a particular post is relative to,well, a relative or friend. I am also a very open person, so there are bound to be posts about really personal things - things about childbirth, my body, pregnancy, sex, etc., and I'm pretty sure some people will cringe (brothers, mother, father: this is directed at you) reading some of those posts, but I figure I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

So there it is. That's my plan. Wish me luck.

Here goes nothing.