So, who the hell am I, anyway?

So, who the hell am I?

Good freaking question. The words and roles people use to introduce themselves to others can say a lot, so I feel like giving a list of words (roles, i.e., wife, mother, etc.) to provide a glimpse into who I am, is akin to me taking off all of my clothes and standing in front of you. I could second guess this post for days, but I'm just going to post it and carry on.

Let's start with the basics. I'm a full-time working mom; I'm a wife; I'm currently smuggling a watermelon that is due to make his appearance in a few short months. Do those things define me in a complete sense? No, but can anyone really be defined? Probably not. Those aspects of my life, however, constitute the greatest (and by this I mean both the best and the most) part of my world. They seem like a good place to start.

So I'm married. Happily married. Seriously happily married. (The "seriously happy" part - my mom says - is because I still have eggs. I'll post this story some day; it's a gooder.) Jeff and I have been together for nine and a half years. We fell in love REALLY fast (I'm talking a month), moved in together after roughly four months, got engaged after two years, got married after 3 years, and had our first child, Carter Owen, in our fourth year of marriage. While I will likely talk about Jeff a lot, much of it will probably be me being sappy. He'll tell you he's awesome -- and he's right. He's the husband society told me never existed and he's the kind of dad everyone should want for their kids. I'm not just saying that to uphold an image. It is my reality, luckily. I'm blessed, and I know it. (Again, according to Mom, these are my eggs talking.)

February of this year brought a small surprise when two lines popped up on a home pregnancy test and we found out we were expecting baby number two. Baby boy is due November 1st. After this baby, we are done making babies. I say this to the disappointment of everyone who thinks you HAVE to have a child of each sex to be a complete family. For us - we're excited about two boys; we're excited to give Carter a brother. I'm excited to be the only woman in the house (at least for now). I imagined our future with two boys. I imagined packing up two kids on camping trips and looking in the back seat of our SUV and seeing two boys with curly, sandy blonde hair and scraped knees, and that will be my future. All feels right in the world.

I work full-time and I'll tell ya, working full-time and then coming home to be a patient mom who makes good meals, keeps the house clean, and participates and engages in good conversation with her husband, friends, and family is no joke. Not that I think women who work in the home have it easier; I can just say that, at this point in my life, I find being a working mom completely exhausting. I often feel overwhelmed and like I'm doing nothing particularly well. I'm sure adding another kid to the mix will fix that right up. Right? 

In 2009, I completed my Masters of Arts Degree, majoring in English. I didn't do the degree with the intention of getting any specific job. I simply loved and excelled at English in high school, and wanted to continue to focus on English classes in my post-secondary education. I loved the reading, the paper writing, the analyzing, the class discussions and I love how English touches on all subjects: philosophy, history, psychology, sociology. I'm sure I'm missing a subject or two. I think my favourite thing about it though was simply that -- well -- it taught me to think critically. It's all about asking a question.

So what will my posts be about? What won't these posts be about -- that's probably a shorter answer. I'll write about relationships of all kinds: marriage, family, friends; pregnancy, birth, parenthood, motherhood, my little mister (and my soon-to-be second little mister); social expectations and realities; frustrations and rants. It'll be the full gamut I guess. I'm not much of a crafter, gardener, or cook, so those topics will be few and far between, though I may talk about my "wish" to be good at those things.

I've already said that I tend to over-analyze. I'll write about things that happen to me that prompt me to ask questions about my behaviour, desires, concerns, and those of others. I will write about disappointments or blessings. I'll write about experiences I have that leave me frustrated or rolling my eyes and needing to vent. I have a sarcastic edge; you've been warned.

I have no idea if my posts will be completely vanilla and boring, or relatively thought provoking and entertaining. I hope they are of some benefit, sometimes, to someone, but in the end, if writing them makes me happy, that's enough of a reason too.

So who the hell am I? A work in progress, I hope.