People, today was rough. My anxiety is spiralling out of control. I felt cranky and impatient in general, and was more negative about everything than I have been in a while. I just really, really wanted to be alone, but that wasn't a possibility. But let's get to the good stuff.
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What was the good stuff? Hmmmm. I actually don't know what my three good things are. I always know what they are before I sit down to write. I tend to tally things as the day goes on, thinking to myself, Oooooo that will be a good thing. Today, I don't have that mental list compiled. So, this is off the fly.
1. None of us left the house today and it was great. It was brutally cold outside and one of the best things about winter and those cold days is getting to stay home. Looking out the window and what you anticipate to be bone-chilling cold, and listening to that gentle hum of the furnace is wonderful. I don't use that word a lot, but it's perfectly suited here.
I have been thinking lately about the many homeless people who don't have what I have. I feel sad for them and it makes me extra grateful for what I do have.
2. The boys and Nancy and I had a quick video chat with Jeff today. He looked handsome. I miss the ever loving hell out of him. In fewer than 48 hours, he will be in my presence again. I'm so ready for that. During the call, Gray said "I love you, Dad" (not that clearly, of course) to Jeff and also sang him a few lines from Frosty the Snowman (which he is starting to mix up with Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer). It made my heart swell up.
3. Grayson did some really good toy-playing today. I love watching him play with his toys. Watching kids learn to play is so interesting. I just sit there, looking at him, smiling like a mental patient sometimes. Thank god no one sees that. But now ya'll know. Don't tell anyone, k? Sanks.
4. When I was getting Carter's PJs on tonight, I kissed him on the cheek (I kiss him probably 10 times a day still - at almost five - like a crazy mom), but he leaned back in, kissed my cheek, pulled me in for a good hug and told me he loved me. *sigh* Okay, the shitty parts of this day were worth it.
Okay, it's super late. I was going to go on and on about my anxiety, but I need to get some shut eye. Tomorrow is a work day and my boss gets pissed when I nap under my desk. What the hell, right? Right.
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