Back to Work

Tonight I put my baby boy and his big brother to bed for the first time knowing I have to work tomorrow morning.

I have left the Mayor's Office at the City and tomorrow I start a new position -- Communications Assistant -- at Luther College at the U of R. I am really looking forward to re-entering the land of adulthood for a few days a week and getting life back into something more reliably routine. This position puts me on course to my career path of choice: communications. Also, it is part-time at only 2.5 days per week and, for the month of October, is actually only 1.5 days per week, which will be a nice, gentle way for me to ease myself back into working. I think it is the perfect blend of working outside and inside the home.

I am very excited about this change in my life, but I am struggling emotionally with the reality that this marks the end of one of the most incredibly rewarding, difficult, and love-filled phases of my life. Grayson always goes down before Carter, and reading him his pre-bedtime books was hard. Then I did books with Carter. That was rough too. It brought me back to this time last year when I was just barely off of work. I was roughly 36 weeks pregnant and reading to my Carter every night before bed - knowing that soon, one of these nights would be the last night he would be my only priority in the evening. It was such an exciting time -- waiting for my body to make the move that would forever change our family. Knowing that I had a year off with these little boys to kiss and cuddle them all day. It was harder and more precious to me than I ever could have prepared myself for.

Tonight I read the last book to Carter, again distinctly aware that things are about to change. After the last book, I turned off his light and he said to me, "You stayin' home with me tomorrow, Mom?" I'll tell ya, I just about died.

I just never in a million years thought this would be so hard. The boys are going to my mom's tomorrow, which makes it easier. And - again - this is only part time, which means that I get 2.5 days a week WITH my boys. This makes things much, much easier. But my heart is still breaking at the end of this part of our journey. I have loved it so much more than I can express.

I am so very blessed that the universe saw fit to make me the mom of these beautiful little boys. I certainly don't always feel like the best mom, but I am certain no one can love my little boys better than I can and I hold on to that when I'm feeling down on myself.

While the phrase, "don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened," is on a neon flashing sign in my head, and while I realize that having a whole year off with my kids is a luxury that a lot of women in the world do not have, I am going to allow myself this moment of sadness. Saying goodbye to this time in my life IS emotional and, if my life wasn't so amazing, it wouldn't be. And so, I will make my tea - as usual - and allow myself to shed a few more tears.

I can't say it enough: this time when they are small simply goes too fast. <3

The time. Oh the time. Where the hell has it gone?

This post is going to be a total jumble of thoughts, probably mostly unrelated, but things I wanted to get down nonetheless. I'm going to number them, because who doesn't love a list?!

1. My Grayson James is 11 months old today. I can't believe it. The next month birthday we will celebrate will be his first birthday. That's INSANE. And to celebrate this monthly birthday, he slept through the night last night! Say whaaaaaaaaat?? He went to bed around 7 p.m. and woke up around 11:00 p.m., nursed, and went back to sleep until 6:15 a.m.! It was glorious and my boobs didn't hate it either, which is a relief. My little man is walking along walls, furniture, your legs, etc. and is the fastest crawler around. He LOVES to feed himself, he has two teeth and his current loves are walks, laughing at his big brother, bath time, nursing, and watching dad walk in the door at the end the day. He's super loud - shrieks in a way that will shatter your eardrum when he's happy and tries to out-yell his older brother.  He's a super happy baby who loves to play and hates being made to sit still. I can't imagine our family without him.

2. We have started listening to a children's music CD in the car (thanks, Mother-in-Law!) and I actually have a favourite song. Song 11 on disc one: Down by the Bay. I freaking love it. How #momlife worthy is that?!

3. Today I kneeled down and asked Carter for a hug. He obliged and as I hugged his little body, I told him that I love him. "You love me, Mom?" he said, in that little boy voice of his. "Yes. Very much," I replied. "You going to keep me mom?" I laughed and told him "always." Then we went through all of the people he thought we should keep. Mom, Dad, Grayson, Mother, NanaPe, Nikin, Uncle Joel, Auntie Sarah... and then he got bored of the game. But I know he'd want to keep a couple others (Uncle Curtis and Amma, for sure!). I love that he is at this age where he says these super cute, sometimes hilarious and sometimes strange things. Entertainment and it only cost me my lady parts for a solid six weeks.

4. This is my last week at home with my babies before I head back to work. I am starting a new position as a Communications Assistant for a new employer. The position is part-time, and this was something I was adamant about obtaining when contemplating my return to work. Working full-time leaves so little time with the kids, and I'm unwilling to give up that time. Maybe another blog post about that as a separate topic.

I'm really excited about it because I think Communications is really where I want to be and where my skill set places me, but knowing that this is the last week is a little bittersweet. I feel painfully aware that I am ending a phase of my life and entering into a new one. Never again will I have a maternity leave, and while some days being home on my own with the kids nearly pushes me towards checking myself into a mental institution, I swear, every minute with them, your heart grows a little bigger. So, I'm in a strange place emotionally.

It is now, however, 9:25 and I have a good book and comfy bed waiting for me, so I'm going to cut this short and try to expand on some of these ideas in a later post. This post was really more of a diary-like entry and I just wanted to get some of my thoughts down.

Nighty night!

A.

The Season That Sucks

Parenthood -- like life -- has seasons. Some seasons are good; some seasons are bad; some are neither. The season of parenthood that I am currently chest deep in is the really shitty one. The one where you just want to scream at the top of your lungs, "I quit!" and storm out with a suitcase and no cell phone. The kind where it's a struggle not to lock yourself in the bathroom and bathe in your own tears (this isn't possible, because who the eff has time to BATHE???). There is not enough chocolate in North America for this season, yo. Not nearly enough.

So here's my shit:

Carter has regressed in potty training. He was trained, people. Fully trained. No accidents in public, at the park, during naps, etc. Nothing has changed in our lives that would explain a setback. He is all over the map - yesterday he went to the bathroom, on his on (without me reminding him or asking him to sit on the potty) a number of times and then, out of the blue, he peed his pants outside). Some days he will be accident-free all day and other days have 5 accidents. Rewards seem to make no difference (either immediate or long-term, with stickers, etc.). Today, he went to the babysitter's. I try to take him once in a while to play with the boys there. She has all boys and I know it's good for him to socialize without me hanging around. He was so excited to go this morning. I told him that if he made one accident in his pants, Judy was supposed to call me and he would be coming home. I was barely home for an hour before she called. We will try that tactic again tomorrow, but at the moment, he doesn't seem to be too upset about being home. Combine this with Grayson's sleep issues and his new 5am wake up time, and I spend a large portion of the day screaming the F word in my head.

Grayson is also at that lovely age where he cannot be unsupervised on his own for ANY time at all. He stands up on everything and, subsequently, falls over and will bang his head/face on our hard bamboo floor. Everything goes in his mouth. Everything. So I have ZERO free time when he is awake because I literally have to be right next to him. This is just that season in his life and, though it is exhausting, because you can kiss whatever free time you had beforehand goodbye and your house looks even worse than it did before (who knew this was possible?!), it isn't stressful. It is just a shit ton of work and it sucks, a little, to be honest, but he's a healthy, growing baby, so it's a good kind of pain in the ass (good thing Jeff's not reading this, because he would add some unsolicited commentary there). However, when I have to throw him in his exersaucer to go deal with a 3.5 year old who crapped his pants for the third time in a day, I start to feel my jaw clench in frustration.

It's just a lot right now. A lot of work. A lot of no time off. A lot of no time for my marriage. A lot of "what did we do wrong to cause a potty regression?" "what did we do wrong to end up with an 8 1/2 month old who still sleeps like shit??". I feel tired, frustrated, exhausted, and at the end of my rope a lot lately. Like, a LOT. I know that being tired makes everything seem worse than it is though and that if I were coming at every day with more sleep under my belt, the challenges wouldn't look so Mount Rushmore-ish.

I tell myself two things to pull me back to sanity: First, this is a hard phase that will pass. Carter won't struggle with this forever. We will figure it out. He will figure it out. Grayson won't sleep like ass for forever. Grayson will continue to grow and develop to the point where I can be more than half a foot away from him while he plays. So, this too shall pass. Like the good moments that you try to stretch out, this time will fade away to introduce a different season. A season where I'm not needed so much and feel sad about it. That's for another blog though.

The other thing that I tell myself is that although, yes, some of this sucks and, yes, I'm allowed to vent frustrations about it, there are many parents of sick children - really sick children - or who have lost their children, who would give anything to be in my place. I have normal, healthy kids. Lots of kids deal with potty regressions (especially for #2), and lots of moms I have talked to aren't anywhere close to sleeping through the night either with their babies. None of that makes my "struggle" easier, but it does put it in perspective. Things aren't that bad. Things could be worse.

So there are my ramblings for the day. And now, it's time to put Carter down for a nap. Grayson is sleeping and has been for nearly an hour. This means that he will likely wake up as soon as I put Carter down. The hopeful part of me says, "lay down and sleep and maybe Grayson will give you an hour," and the cynical part of me laughs at that thought. I could also use a shower. See how neither of those options involved sitting on the couch to watch last night's episode of The Bachelorette?? Decisions, decisions.

The good news is that I think I am going to Magic Mike XXL tonight. Take it off, Channing. Take it off.

Today's Truths

1. Grayson is crawling, fo sho. I can't believe it. It feels too early. He's only six months and five days. :-(  (For the record, I would say that he started crawling on Thursday, April 30th; he was six months and two days.)

2. Carter has a spring cold, which Grayson is bound to get. Booooo! This will be Grayson's first virus. I find it nothing short of impressive that, with a three-year old brother, he made it all the way to six months without getting sick. I am an obsessive hand-washer (as are most of the people in my life who "handle" my kids), so I would like to take credit for the fact that we made it six months illness-free. (In reality, part of the credit has to go to the fact that I haven't been taking Carter to the babysitter's regularly. Our sitter is really clean, but when he's there, he's exposed to all the crap that the school kids catch and bring to the house, so sickness is unavoidable.)

3. Bathing, changing (clothes or diaper), or really doing anything with your six month old that requires them to lay still for any more than five consecutive seconds is an exercise in futility. I would like to suggest that it be added as an Olympic event, because when you successfully dress, bathe, or change the diaper of a baby this age (or at least Grayson), you really feel that you deserve some kind of a medal.

4. I am not feeling this parenthood thing today. I want a break. I won't get one, but I want one. This morning involved wiping Carter's nose and helping him blow it properly every three minutes, cleaning up Grayson's spit up a bunch of times, and cleaning up Chomper puke. Oh so fun. I swear, I spend half the day covered in Grayson's spit up, Carter's snot, or my own breastmilk. How freaking sexy is that?! Try to restrain yourselves, people, I'm happily married ;-)

But in all seriousness, I would love a day where I wasn't running to meet someone else's need every minute and where I could clean in peace (I actually like to clean - despite the appearance of my house) and then plop my butt on the couch and dumb down to some terrible tv. Alas, I had sex sans birth control, so that is not to be my fate today. Having said that, Carter is waiting for the tea I promised to make him.

Saturday, April 25th - Three Good Things

Today was kind of a lazy day. After having a busy social week, it was kind of nice to stick near home and do next to nothing.

1. My brother came over for breakfast today. He's working on his Masters in Sociology (I'm sure I've talked on here about how ridiculously smart he is; if I haven't, I gloat a lot about him on Instagram) and as the semester wound up, he hasn't had much time to be social. He finally handed in his last paper on Thursday and is now free as a bird for a bit before he begins digging into research for his thesis. Anyway, because of his newly found freedom (he got 90% the class, by the way - that was his third course and the third 90% he's gotten) he was able to eat and, instead of running back to work on research or writing, he actually got to stay and visit and play with the boys for a couple of hours. It was nice. Made me miss my other brother, though. We need to get him in on these breakfasts!

2. Jeff picked up paint to get working on painting the basement. When we moved in, we renovated a little downstairs to build a new room and as a result, we have an entire wall that is primed for paint. It's been waiting for paint since it was erected... almost five years ago. How ridiculous is that?! It's the summer of getting shit done around the house though, so let the games begin!

3. Jeff did a pot roast in the crock pot for supper and it was so delish. And crock pot meals are awesome, do to their nearly cook and prep-free nature. And it also means no dishes. The lazy woman in me loves this.

Friday, April 24 - Three Good Things

My baby boy continues to sleep well. Only up twice in the night and he even let me sleep in until about 8:10 this morning. That was pretty damned glorious!

1. Sleep. Obviously. I looooooove it and I got some.

2. Lunch with my Nikki and almost all the boys in my world - my two little misters, my dad, and my brothers. I was just missing my handsome husband.

3. Tonight was date night. Jeff and I have decided to go out, just him and me, once every other weekend. It doesn't even have to be anything fancy or romantic, but it has to be kid-free. So my parents came over to babysit our little lads and we went for supper. It was nice to get out and have a conversation where we didn't have to stop what we were saying 30 times and tend to a kid or be interrupted by Carter's incessant "mom" or "dad" and Grayson, who has realized that he can scream really loudly.

My Grandma gets five eggs; 3 boys & 2 girls.

My two little eggs :-)

4. My nest necklaces came today. I ordered one for myself, one for my Mom, and one for my grandma. My Mom and Grandma will get theirs for Mother's Day and I needed one for myself. My Mom knows she's getting one because I wanted to ask her what her preferences were for customizing it, but my Grandma doesn't know it's coming. Because my Mom reads my blog posts, I have not included a picture of hers, but here are photos of mine and my Grandma's. I absolutely love them!

Sunday, April 26th - Three Good Things

Maybe this will sound dumb, but I don't care. Today was one of those days that I always dreamed about having when I didn't have kids -- taking them to a matinee movie. So let us get on with the three good things, yes? Yes.

1. My little sidekick, my most handsome Carter Peters, went to his very first movie at the theatre today. This boy LOVES him some TV and watching a movie, so we figured he would do pretty well at the theatre and he did. Jeff and I both wanted to be there for his first movie, so baby Grayson went to Nan's house for a couple hours this afternoon. Grandpa, Nikin and Levi came with us, so we took up almost a whole row (at the smaller, "cheap" theatre). Carter did get up and walk back and forth to go see Nicole, Grandpa, his dad, and me quite a lot about half way through, but he mostly just stood in front of them and watched the movie. Looking over at him while he was sitting in his chair next to me with his popcorn in his lap was just one of those "it" moments where you feel like This. This right here is what it's all about. 

I just can't even begin to express how much I love this little boy.

2. Grayson decided to wake up at 4:50 a.m.-ish to nurse. I figured that was perfect because he would nurse and go back to sleep until around 6-7, but no, he just decided he was up for the day. My awesome husband got up with him at 5:30 this morning to let me sleep. I got up at 9:30. 9:30, people. The man needs some sort of medal! He was so tired today and still wanted to come to the movie with his boy. He's the kind of dad and husband I only hoped I could have.

3. We got the boys into bed and I came out to the living room and didn't clean anything. Instead, I sat on the couch with the cat and watched Survivor while drinking my Earl Grey Tea. So relaxing. The weather is supposed to warm back up starting tomorrow and I'm looking forward to getting back to spending time outside with my little guys.

Have a good week, everyone!

Thursday, April 23rd - Three Good Things

People, the stars were correctly aligned last night and Mr. Grayson James slept really well. Only up twice to nurse. This is a sleep schedule I can get on board with! I'm not looking for him to "sleep through" the night; I am totally fine with nursing him once or twice throughout the night. I just don't want to get up every two hours, yo! He's been back and forth on this kind of self-made schedule, so I'm just hoping that he starts to stick to it a little more consistently.

Other than getting a decent night's sleep, today was a good one because:

1. I went shopping with my Mom and cousin, Nicole. Grayson was a good little shopper. I got a new bathing suit (and we all know that bathing suit shopping is a real joy for all women... especially post partum women). My debit card was pissed. Pissed.

2. Carter was excited to go the babysitter's today.  I always feel guilty taking him there because I feel like I'm shuffling him off. But he has so much fun there with the other boys (she only has boys) that I know that my mom-guilt should take a hike. I forget that no matter how much time I spend playing with him at home, I'm just not as much fun as the imaginative, energetic kids his age. Every time we get there, the boys greet us at the door with "Carter ! Carter! Carter is here!" He reacts with the biggest smile and it's the best thing to see. Also, the boys at the daycare aren't telling him "just a second, Carter"  because they have a baby to tend to or lunch to make. He actually has a meltdown when I pick him up from Judy's (the sitter) because he wants to stay and then tells me "go back" all the way home. It's healthy for him to socialize with his friends and I just need to remind myself of that when the mom-guilt tries to take over. The point of this paragraph is that he had a great time at the babysitter's today and that makes my heart happy for him. He's a really social little boy and it makes me weirdly proud.

3. It rained today! I LOVE rain. I love the smell of rain and that it cleans the city after the snow melt leaves all the sand and dirt from winter. I couldn't live somewhere where rain was a near every day occurrence - I rely too much on the sun for my good and energetic moods - but I love me a cool, rainy day. I'm looking forward to some rainy walks with Cater and his umbrella this spring.

Wednesday, April 22nd - Three Good Things

Can I start by saying that the middle of the night makes me detest (not a strong enough word) the soother. That is all. Now on to good things.

1. For supper we had chicken and veggie kabobs on the BBQ and they were delish!

2. Grayson slept like ass last night and then had a first nap that was a whopping 20 minutes. I presumed the sleep for the day would be awful, but it wasn't; both his second and third naps were just over an hour and 15 minutes!

3. I was pretty much a lazy ass all day and it was awesome. I did do a tiny bit of housework, but not my usual amount. I don't regret it for a second :)

4. A medium Oreo blizzard from Dairy Queen and a hot bath. This obviously warranted a fourth ;-)

Tuesday, April 21st - Three Good Things

Folks, today wasn't stellar. Grayson's last bunch of nights have been rough, yo, and I felt that exhaustion catch up with me in my mood today. It was just a low day and I just wasn't feelin' it.  But, the good things that came out of today are:

1. Going for a walk with Jenn. The warm sun, the fresh air, and the perspective and ear of a fellow mom (whose wee babe is eight days younger than my Grayson) who understands my mom-stress was a blessing in my day for sure.

2. Carter went to the babysitter's today. I always feel guilty for taking him to the sitter's. It feels like I'm shuffling him off. But, he has so much fun there that when I go to pick him up at the end of the day, he doesn't want to come home and has a total meltdown about it. I can play with him all day long, but playing with me isn't the same as playing with kids (our sitter has all boys!) his own age.

I am reminded of this reality all the time when we go to the playground. We live down the street from two elementary schools that are across the street from one another and when we walk to the park, he always announces which one of the two has "people" and determines that is the one to go to. Then he proceeds to join right in with whatever game the group of kids there are playing. Sometimes babysitters take their kids there and you'd think he came to the park with them, not me. Sometimes, after school lets out, the bigger kids play on the play structures for a bit, and he runs around with them, screaming and laughing when they do. My heart hurts a little when he does this because a lot of the time, they seem a little annoyed that this three-year old who "doesn't know how" to play is following them around yelling. Usually, there are one or two kids who think he's pretty great and include him, though, and - like I said - this acts as a very in-my-face reminder that it's important and healthy for him to go to the babysitter's and socialize with people who aren't also telling him, "One minute, Carter, I just have to get the laundry/feed the baby/make your lunch" etc.

That was a long digression, so let's come back to the start. When I dropped Carter off at Judy's - the sitter :) - he was immediately greeted at the door with rounds of "Carter!!" "Carter is here!" from the boys. He lights up. This makes me smile. They went downstairs to play and I took Grayson up to visit with Judy for a bit. When I was getting ready to leave, I went downstairs to say goodbye to Carter/see if he would rather come home. When he saw me he said, "What doing, Mom?" I told him that I was just packing up baby to leave for home and did he want to come with me. "No, Mom. Carter stay. Bye, Mom." When Jeff picked him up at the end of the day, he said that he could already hear Carter yelling "no" as he walked up the driveway. The only way he could convince Carter to come home peacefully was to promise a bike ride in the bike trailer as soon as they got home.

I am so happy that he's happy there. I love that he gets along so well with the other boys and has fun with them and, though I don't like that he cries when we leave, it tells me what a great place he is in when he's there. He's my little social butterfly, that boy.

3. Again about Carter - this kid loves his veggies and how fortunate are we that this is a reality?! He eats them raw, steamed, whatever. I'm talking broccoli, asparagus, carrots, cauliflower. Salad. Cherry tomatoes. Don't get me wrong - this kid knows what a chocolate bar is and understands where the cookie cupboard is, but at least he balances it out by eating spinach!

Grayson will be six months in a week less a day and he will be starting solids. Let's hope he's as crazy about veggies as his older brother ;-)

We're back! Three Good Things

Let's be honest: I have no idea how long I will continue to do these for, but I am able to today, so let's just start there, shall we?

1. Talking a (rather cold - thanks, Regina wind!) walk with my boys, my mom, my cousin, and the doggies to the park. Though it was cold, it always feels so good to get outside. Carter loved it and Grayson napped. A double win!

2. I got my tax refund today and was able to pay off my credit card in full and still leave money in our account. It feels so good to have no credit card debt!

3. Carter actually went to bed without putting up a big stink tonight. Hallelujah! 

I'm still alive!

Well, I totally dropped off the map and dropped the ball -- again -- on my three good things a day posts. Honestly, life is just too busy with two kids. Life is good - really good - it's just really busy.

Keeping a house semi-clean, the boys changed, fed, happy, and engaged, and my sanity in tact means I have virtually no free time. I had intended on trying to just write shorter, less involved blog posts, but that's just not really how I write, so I just ended up not writing any.

But life is good. Carter is three years and four months and my baby Grayson is already nearing six months. I can't believe how fast time is going. It freaks me the hell out. My baby is moving towards his first birthday too quickly, so I'm trying to soak in all his sweet baby smiles and cuddles while I can.

He's starting, kind of (!) to sleep better, so I'm feeling slightly more human these days. Also, knowing that spring is upon us and being able to get outside to the park and go for walks are serious mood boosters for me, so I'm spending as much time as I can enjoying the warm spring days. Doing that, of course, comes at the expense of cleaning my house, so once the kids are in bed, it's operation-save-the-kitchen time and before I know it, it's 9:30 and I haven't done anything "fun." Soooo there just doesn't seem to be much time to get the blog posts written.

BUT, the point is that I'm still here. Alive and well. Busy, but incredibly happy. Cherishing (most of the time!) these last months/days with my boys before I go back to work and will never again have this kind of opportunity to be at home with them.

I hope all of you are doing well and feeling that renewed joy and energy that spring carries!

Just for old time's sake, here are three good things from today:

1. Picking up my parents from yet another (short) trip today. I am happy that they are finally able, after years of not being able to afford it, to travel and do fun things together. I'll admit, though, that I'm incredibly jealous! Our adventurous days involve a successful Costco trip with two kids :)

2. I managed to get a little caught up on sleep this weekend. Though Grayson's night last night wasn't stellar, I feel pretty good because the rest of the weekend was pretty restful!

3. My kitchen is clean, ya'll. It feels pretty good to have a relatively clean space. I try so hard to keep on top of it all and don't know how the people who keep their houses clean with kids do it. They must be magic.

Tuesday, February 10th - Three Good Things

I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty frustrated right now. The day was pretty good, actually, but after 6, everything just kind of went sideways. I got supper done and we ate at about 5:30 and then had a couple errands to run, so we loaded up the boys and off we went. Grayson was crying before we left and I figured for sure he'd pass out in the car and have a 1/2 hour nap, which would get him in a position to be up for a bit at home before bed time and would work out perfectly for bed time. But he didn't. He cried the entire time. We brought Carter because one of the things we did was wash the SUV and he thinks those car washes are pretty cool, and also because we were stopping at Safeway and I was going to get Starbucks and figured I would get him a little treat - yeah, Carter fell asleep. So the kid we wanted to fall asleep flipped his noodle the entire time and the one who we wanted to stay awake, passed right out. Of course. We shouldn't have brought either kid, and now that it's 10:14 p.m. and we are STILL effing fighting with Grayson to go to sleep, and considering Carter didn't nap today, this means I have had no time to myself, other than to empty my bladder, which, as it turns out, doesn't take long enough for me to mentally recharge my mom batteries. I haven't even had time to drink my Starbucks because we've been dealing with putting kids to bed all god damned night, so now, as Jeff rocks Grayson for the third time tonight, I'm sucking back a cold, decaf latte.

So the evening has been a touch frustrating. I'm anticipating that tonight is going to be very, very bad since bedtime is going so badly. I hope I'm wrong. BUT, having said that, I enjoyed spending the day at home with my two little (sleepless in Regina) dudes.

1. After Carter's failed nap (he never cries or freaks out, he just lays there and talks to his stuffed animals or chats to himself, etc. He rests - and that's good enough for me) he got up and I went to my room to lay Grayson down. I was in there about 3 minutes (right across the hall from Carter so I could hear him) and when I came into his room he was on the floor by his bookcase, reading his books. First of all, I LOVE it when he spontaneously chooses to look at his books (I mean, without encouragement from his dad or me). I sat next to him and offered to read to him, but he said "no mom" and pushed my hand away from his book. He proceeded to tell me what was happening on each page. It was so damned cute, I grinned the whole time. I can't wait until he reads to me and I so hope he loves reading. I hope that when he's older, he asks if we can go to the library or bookstore :) Date night with mom? Yes, please!

2. My little Grayson woke up from his nap and was a good boy on his play mat and then in his bouncer while I got supper made. Carter was happy with the small amount of water I put in the kitchen sink so he could help mom clean by doing the dishes. It was one of those rare supper preps that just couldn't have gone more perfectly. I think moms get maybe one of those a year, so I really soaked in every moment.

3. Even though it's now cold, I'm drinking my Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha. I love these stupid, overpriced drinks. Too much. I need to buy shares in Starbucks and get some of my damned money back!

Okay, It's now 10:31 and Grayson is chirping. Please, dear god, let those just be sleep noises... Wish me luck tonight, because I'm pretty sure I'm going to need it!

Night, All. xoxoxo

Monday, February 9th - Three Good Things

I am tired. Like crazy tired. Still. In case you were wondering since I haven't mentioned it in a while. Moving on...

1. I had my first postpartum massage today and it was fan-freaking-tastic. My neck and shoulders needed Andrea's touch and I felt like a million dollars after that today. Okay, maybe more like ten dollars. But still, it's up significantly from the overdraft I felt before!

2. Grayson, after being a fairly cranky baby all weekend, was such a happy little camper today. He was Mr. Smiley for sure, which means that my smile muscles hurt.

3. My SIL sent me a package in the mail today that contained a key chain that says "Mama Bear", a little handwritten note telling me that, yes, the sleep situation will get better, and a Starbucks on her in the form of a gift card. I mean, seriously, how freaking thoughtful is that?! It was such a nice surprise and it totally made my day! Watching her grow her business has left me really impressed at what a creative person she is. I am not creative at all, so I find creative people so interesting. If you want to check out her blog and her shop, go here.

And with that, Monday, the start to another week, is complete. I am taking my very tired ass to bed and hoping that my little mister sleeps until around 1 to give this tired mama a couple hours of good shut eye. Goodnight, all!

Six Good Things: Weekend Edition

I am combining yesterday and today's three good things into one post because I didn't do one yesterday.

For Saturday:

1. Jeff took Carter swimming yesterday. On his way home, he stopped to get groceries for supper, and then came home and made supper. While I was nursing Grayson and getting him down for bed, he was doing Carter's bedtime routine and reading him his books. All this adds up to one fact: I have a seriously awesome husband and my boys have a seriously awesome dad.

2. Once we did get the kids to sleep, we snuggled on the couch and watched an episode of the British version of the tv show Sherlock. It was really good, and cozying up on the couch with Jeff felt so nice. It made me realize that we need to take the time to make it happen more.

3. Eating tacos for supper. Delish!

For Sunday:

1. We had a really lazy day, but went to my parents' place for a tasty supper. My grandparents came, and so did Curt, and my SIL, Sarah. I always love going to my parents' house. It's my home away from home, I guess. And it's filled with the people I love most in the world. Can't get better than that.

2. Playing cards after supper with the G-Units (my grandparents) and brother, Curt. It's one of my favourite things to do and how many times I've listed that as one of my three good things should be an indicator of this.

3. When we left my parents', Carter had another meltdown and really wanted to stay with "NanaPe." I don't think he really missed my parents when they were gone, but man, now that they're back, he's re-discovered his love for my dad. I'm never happy to see Carter cry, of course, but crying because he wants to stay with his grandpa just tells me, again, how close he is with my parents and this makes my heart incredibly happy.

Friday, February 6th - Three Good Things

Happy Friday!

1. When I woke up Carter this morning and asked him what we should do today, he said, "NanaPe" in a tone that said "duh, Mom!". It was pretty sweet and really told me just how excited he was to have them home.

2. I took the little lads in my life for lunch with mom, dad, brother Curtis and Jerry. The food was good and the company was even better.

3. After lunch, the boys and I came back to my parents' place to hang out for the rest of the day. Pe and Carter played cars for a while before Carter's nap. We also stayed for supper. It was just a nice relaxing day. And being at my parents' house reminds me of that saying, "home is where your mom is." It really is :)

As the day wore on and the hours passed with just the boys and I at mom and dad's, Carter's obsession with "NanaPe" became kind of funny and we realized that when he says "NanaPe" he's only talking to/calling for my dad! He knows that my mom is his Nana/Nan and he'll call her that, but today, every time he called for my dad, he said "NanaPe", which is totally hilarious. I don't know why he's morphed the two titles for my dad, but it cracked us up all evening.

As it got closer to home time I kept warning Carter that we were getting ready to go home soon and quickly he was very open about his intention NOT to leave his NanaPe behind. My Dad told him he could stay over at Nana and Pe's house if he wanted and Carter snapped that offer right up. We asked him if he wanted to go with Mum and sleep at home or if he wanted to stay at Nan and Pe's and he very pointedly said Nan and Pe's. I laughed, and said yeah let's wait and see what his answer is when I'm getting my boots on. Well, 15 minutes or so later, I'm packing up bags, getting ready to go and getting Grayson's car seat prepped to load his cute butt into it and Carter, realizing that I'm packing up to leave for home walks just behind my dad, hugs his leg and says "bye mom." And just like that, I'm not his favourite person anymore.

This was the first time that he's invited himself over to stay at my parents'. Any other time he's stayed, he's always been given the choice of staying or coming home, or we have made date night plans and had him sleep over night there. And he's fine with that and will pick staying there on occasion over coming home, but tonight was the first time that, like such a big kid, he just made it clear that he wanted to sleep over at his grandparents. It was a night I've always dreamed about for him - not because I don't want him home, but because as a kid, one of my favourite things was staying at my grandparents' house. I absolutely loved it. And I want that for my kids. And Carter telling me that he's staying at "NanaPe's" just re-affirmed for me how much he loves them, how loved he is by them, how much fun he has there, and how at home he feels there.

It just makes my heart happy for him. Such a lucky, loved little boy :)

Thursday, February 5th - Three Good Things

I've been waiting for this day since the day my parents left on their month-long vacation to Australia and New Zealand and here it is. I had a great day, for a bunch of reasons.

1. We picked up McDonald's for breakfast, which wasn't healthy, but it was delish. We took it over to my parents' place, where Nicole was staying to watch the house, and had breakfast before heading out to Target to shop. This brings me to good thing number two.

2. Nicole and I loaded up the kids and braved the liquidation sale at Target. I'm really sad to see Target go. I know a lot of people are happy or don't care either way that they are pulling out of Canada, but I'm not happy about it. I hate Walmart. Target has way better selection and options for clothing, both kids and women's, and I much prefer their selection of kids' toys. I also loved having a Starbucks in the store. Getting Starbucks and doing some lazy shopping is a treat. 

Anyway, today was the first day of their liquidation sale. The sales weren't that great yet (only 10-30%), but I still got some good deals. I got Carter the Hungry, Hungry Hippos game, which he loves. It's pretty cute to see him play it with Pe. Good deals make me a happy camper.

3. Obviously, I'm giving number three to the return of my parents. Carter was so excited to see them. It was really cute. We survived the month that they were away and now it's almost a third of the way through February. Spring -- it is a-coming!

Wednesday, February 4th - Three Good Things

I realized last night that I forgot to post my three good things. This dawned on me in bed, around 11:30, so I wasn't about to wake my ass up to do it then. So here they are:

1. My parents come home tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited!

2. I started the process of looking into preschools for Carter for the fall. It is crazy to me that I'm at that point already. It makes me both sad and really excited. I think he'll love school. And I can't wait for things like art projects he'll bring home, packing up a little lunch for him, taking the picture of him on his first day of preschool in our landing - backpack and all. Will I be one of those moms that cries? You bet your ass I will.

3. After Carter's gymnastics class, we went to a taco place for supper. Those tacos were freakin' delicious. I was starving, so I might have eaten a cardboard box and said the same, but the point is that I enjoyed the he'll outta those tacos.

Tuesday, February 3rd - Three Good Things

Tuesday. Tuesday showed up too quickly, after very little sleep and with me going head to head with a clogged duct again :( Luckily, I have a home remedy for Mastitis, though hopefully it doesn't turn into that.

1. Today was laundry day and I got a fair amount of it done. That productivity makes me feel good.

2. Nicole came over today and hung out with Grayson while I took a nap. Carter was also napping. I would LOVE to nap with my Carter Peter Pants, but he'd never sleep :(  Either way, the nap was needed.

3. Watching last night's episode of The Bachelor. Makes for good mom time :)

2 more days until my parents are back! Eeeeeee!!!

Monday, February 2nd - Three Good Things

This has to be short because I've just crawled into bed and it's midnight :-/

1. I finished another novel today! My goal for this year was not lofty - 12 for the year because I figured I could do one a month. But I'm ahead of schedule, so maybe I'll come close to doubling my original number :)  I'm excited to start another novel.

2. Going to my Auntie Shelly's for supper. She made Indian food and, my god, can this woman cook! It was a perfect evening and Carter hyper-ass had a blast!

3. Taking time to drink tea and read after the boys went to bed. Those acts are good for the soul.

Night, all!

Sunday, February 1st - Three Good Things

Well, folks, the night of good sleep Grayson had was a fluke because last night was not so much with the good :( I didn't track how much sleep I got, but I was up many, many times. I think I saw every hour after 1:00 a.m. Oh well. Maybe tonight will be better. He's developing other good sleep habits, so eventually it has to carry over!

1. Normally Sundays are a little ho-hum because it means back to work for Jeff, which translates to less sleep for me. BUT, this Sunday is special because it is kicking off the week that will bring my parents back home to us! I'm sure I haven't mentioned this before, but I just can't wait to see them! I've been waiting for this Sunday for the entire month of January!

2. Today is the first day of February. This is exciting to me because January can feel like a painfully long month. It's usually cold, and by January, most people that live where I live are pretty damned sick of winter. There's also that "what now" feeling that so many people get after the holidays are over. To have made it through January, my least favourite month of the year, and to have made it through when having my parents gone made it extra crappy, makes me uber happy. February is a shorter month, and after that, spring isn't far off. I'm thinking about spring a lot these days. I'm ready for rain showers, walks to the park with my two boys, and spending more time outside :)

3. I had a two hour nap today. I slept alone. It was fantastic.

BONUS - It's only 4:30 and my blog post for the day is done. *pats self on back proudly*

Have a good week, all!

Saturday, January 31st - Three Good Things

Happy Saturday, folks! I liked this day.

1. Tonight, Jeff went out to a beer/band event thingy (yes, I said thingy) with a friend, Aaron. Ali, Aaron's wife, drove the boys to the event and home, and after dropping them off initially came back to visit me/hang out at my house. Jeff and Aaron have been friends for 15 years or so and he and Ali started dating right when Jeff and I got married. I actually met her for the first time at my wedding. Her and I hit it off and we make a good foursome. Anyway, I got both boys to bed and her and I chatted for a good 2 1/2 hours. It was nice. We have SO much in common and there is such a comfort in knowing there is someone else who inhabits this earth who has some of the same quirks that you do - the kind of quirks that you don't really want to tell anyone cause you're pretty sure they'll think you're a nut job.

Her and I are so busy that we don't get together much (nor do we get together as couples), and I forget how similar we are and how good our conversations are. Every time I have coffee with her or we have supper/games night with them, it reminds me that we need to do those things far more often. It's a crime not to, really.

In the past three nights, I've had two social evenings with good women. It's like I'm human or something. Weird.

2. I paid Ali for a photography workshop that she is putting on in the spring that I signed up for. She is an incredibly talented photographer. Here is her website so you can see for yourself. She has done a ton of our family photos including my maternity and birth photos with Carter, and both of our boys' newborn shoots (Carter's Grayson's). Anyway, she is putting on a photography workshop for people who want to learn/become even better at utilizing their DSLR cameras. Jeff bought me a DSLR camera and I swore I would read the manual and learn how to use it and not be one of those chumps that leaves it in manual mode. But I don't have a ton of free time and the manual is boring and overwhelming, so I just never have. This workshop should be perfect for me and I'm so exited to come out of it feeling less afraid of my own camera and - hopefully, eventually - able to take some semi-artistic and good quality shots of our boys!

3. I slept in today. Late. Really, really late. 11:30, if you must know. I hate doing that, because then I feel like I have no day, but I clearly needed to catch up on sleep after the long week. Also, with regard to sleep, Grayson did not too bad last night, which was nice. His stretches of sleep were longer. There was even a four hour stretch in there (though he woke up an hour in and I had to put his soother back in and lay my hand on his chest for a few minutes before letting him fall back asleep). But four hours where I didn't have to pick him and up nurse him! This is something! And for the past handful of nights, once we get him down for bedtime, he's been really good about staying asleep until midnight, or close to it without a bunch of wake-ups that necessitate us going in there to pick him up. Tonight, for instance, he started to fuss minutes after I put him to bed. I went in there, put his soother back in and just laid my hand on his chest for minute to ensure he was calmed down and relaxed and left and he fell back asleep on his own. Again, this means we are miles ahead of where we were at with Carter with his sleeping. In spite of myself, I'm becoming hopeful again. Maybe more sleep is actually in my future? Man, I hope so!

Okay, but now it's 12:46 a.m. and I'm tired. And, Grayson will still wake me up multiple times tonight, so I need to get my ass to bed.

Tomorrow is Sunday and then we start the week again, but this time, we're starting off the week in which my parents will return home! Woot! WOOT!

Friday, January 30th - Three Good Things

I am super tired and looking forward to going to bed, so I'm going to keep this short.

I had a good day today because:

1. I took the boys shopping. Carter really is a really good shopper, though he did end our last trip with a meltdown and I basically had to drag him out of the store (hahaha), but for the most part, he was really good today. We went to Chapters and of course we had to head right over to Thomas where he looked and looked for Percy. Percy was found, and so were some Curious George books, and the result was a very happy little boy.

2. I read Carter his new Curious George books before bed. I actually really like the bedtime books ritual. It feels like good him and me time where is isn't running around like a crazy ass.

3. My Grayson was Mr. Smiley today. He so cute, I can hardly take it!

I get to sleep in tomorrow and, holy hell, I can't even tell you how excited I am about that!

Signing off :)

Thursday, January 29th - Five Good Things: Uber tired, but happy

1. I went out for supper with a girlfriend this evening and finished off our date with a walk around Starbucks, where I had a soy mocha and found some good deals on kids toys for the boys. I was so tired and grouchy and depressed today with my sleepless child, that I actually texted her to cancel and then texted back an hour later and said that I changed my mind and god dammit, I'm going to be social and enjoy myself. I'm so glad I went, rather than staying home to wallow in self pity. I'm tired as hell, but much happier than I was this afternoon!

2. ONE WEEK FROM TODAY, people, my parents will be here! I can't freaking wait!! The boys and I will be invading their space all day next Friday (their first full day at home) to hang out with them.

3. I did it. I put on makeup, and showered, and did my hairs and wore a pretty bra today. That counts for a win for sure.

4. Grayson had two naps today in his bassinet and fell asleep in there after I put him in totally awake. I did have to go in for both naps to put his soother back in more than once before he fell asleep, but still, he fell asleep. The naps were only for 20 and 40 minutes, respectively, but again, the fact that he fell asleep without being rocked, bounced, patted, nursed, etc. is a really good thing. It puts us miles ahead of where we were with Carter when we had sleep troubles with him. I could even handle the barely there naps and no free time during the day if I was getting 6-7 hours of sleep at night. It's that I fight with him on sleep both day and night that makes this really, really hard.

5. I took Grayson with me when I went for supper tonight and that left Jeff and Carter to spend the evening together. They texted me pictures of the flowers they bought me when they went to get groceries. Carter picked them out because they were "lellow." Lucky mama, I am!

Okay. Bedtime. Tomorrow is Friday. I see sleep in my future... if only I can get there!

Wednesday, January 28th - Three Good Things

This was my original post. I cried after posting it because I felt bad that I was being so negative and not being thankful enough for the truly good things. So I'll leave the original post in tact but add to it a little.

*Original*

Today has not been a good day. I'll just leave it at that.

1. Today was my first day gluten free. I don't think it'll work, but I'm out of ideas aside from freaking not eating, which has crossed my mind. One day down, god knows how many to go.

2. I have a house. That's a good thing.

3. My parents are back one week from tomorrow. I can't wait.

** End post

Okay, so there it was. Short and angry. I really didn't have a great day. That said, nothing made the day particularly bad. Sleep last night was rough. I feel like we're heading in the exact same direction that we were with Carter, where every 20-40 minutes, we have a baby who is awake and will only go back to sleep if I nurse him. I'm terrified of this. That period of Carter's babyhood was so difficult for me/us, and I already feel like I'm swimming upstream, so the thought that this will get worse and/or carry on for another three months is utterly devastating to me. I feel a little like I'm living in fear.

I stayed up late last night watching The Bachelor. That was my first mistake. Going to bed early is going to be key if I'm going to emotionally and physically survive this next couple of months. If I want to stay up late, it should only be on Thursdays, because Friday is always easier to manage when one's tired because you've got that knowledge that the weekend is just around the corner.

Because I was more tired in the night because I hadn't had at least two hours of sleep before all the wake-ups started, I found the night more frustrating than I did the night before when I was sleeping better. Grayson's naps were also especially bad today, which left my tired ass even more grouchy. It's cyclical - I spent too much time on social media and cleaned the kitchen instead of engaging with my kids. Carter almost literally watched the same Curious George movie all morning (cause I'm a good mom like that), while I cleaned the kitchen and tried (and mostly failed) to get Grayson to stay asleep. In the afternoon, we didn't have the tv on at all, which made me feel a little better at least.

I wanted to, but didn't get a chance to shower when Carter was napping (because Grayson just wasn't having it), and between feeling like I look like I've been hit by a truck and the fact that I'm pretty sure the roads were more icy than I would like, we skipped Carter's gymnastics class, which made me feel super guilty, considering the fact that he spent half the day watching tv. Yup, mom of the year award right here.

Tonight, I tried to go over Carter's words with him - the assignment that the speech therapist gave us to help him better enunciate syllables. His attention span is crap, so we only made it through one sheet. What were his rewards? Jelly beans. He had jelly beans and juice. Again this surely qualifies me for Mom of the freaking year.

So I just had a shitty day. But there are things that I'm supremely thankful for.

1. Grayson turned three months old today. I can't believe he's three months already. While I find him a "difficult" baby because of the sleep problems and the problems we're having with his gassiness/fussiness and trying to link that to whatever I'm eating (which has made nursing an incredibly stressful time), he's a healthy little boy and he's ours. And I do know that it really won't be this hard forever. And his smile is the best thing ever.

2. Like I said above, today is my first full day going gluten free. In the past couple weeks, Grayson has started spitting up a lot more, so clearly something in my diet is bothering him and I'm hoping and freaking PRAYING that it's stomach upset/gas that wakes Grayson at night. So, if I can figure out what food he's sensitive to, maybe, just maybe, we can also solve some of the sleep issues. Since I'm not ingesting dairy (other than cream in my coffee on Saturday and/or, the milk that is in a piece of chocolate or as an ingredient in store-bought cookies), it can't be related to that and the only other thing I eat daily would be things containing gluten. It's hard though - I already want a piece of the apple pie that's in my fridge. And I want it with real whipped cream. And I can't have either :(  I'm clearly terrible at diets. But again, this won't last. I need to repeat that over and over.

3. I really am so excited to see my parents. I just feel calmer, better, like I have more support when they're here and near. That tells you what awesome parents they are :)

I feel like every other day is an extreme low. I feel disappointed in myself as a parent, as a wife, as a person. But, it's every other day that I seem to feel this way, so maybe tomorrow will be better. I'm going to make tomorrow better. How? I'm going to shower, do my hair, wear make-up and a pretty bra. I'm going to feel like I look nice. I'm going to leave the house for the first time in two days; the first time in three days that doesn't just involve getting groceries. I'm going to go shopping with the boys. I'm going to go to the immunization clinic and weigh Grayson. We're going to do pictures with Grayson tomorrow for his three months, which we would have done today, but I wasn't up to it. (I did take pictures of him with his little three month sticker at least.) I'm going to try really, really hard to be more positive.

But even now, Grayson won't settle to sleep. I put him to bed just after 7 and he woke up about 45 minutes later. Jeff is in the room trying to get him back to sleep. He's been in there for a good 20 minutes. I've spent that time trying, and failing, to get Carter to listen to any single instruction I give. 

I want this day to be over now, but I'm scared of what tonight will bring.

Again, wish me luck. And pray, if that's a thing that you do. Or send restful thoughts to Grayson if you don't pray. 

Tuesday, January 27th - 3 Good Things

Today was a really good day. I just felt better. Grayson's sleep was better, and typical all at once. He fell went to sleep around 9, woke up just after 11, but went right back to sleep when I put his soother back in and didn't wake up until 1! That's a decent stretch for my boy. After that, it was a bit of a gong show, but the longer that first stretch, the better for me, so I'll take it.

Other reasons today was good:

1. I spent more time playing with Carter and staying off of social media. Spending time playing with him and being fully engaged in my moments with him just left me feeling more fulfilled. It felt so good and I definitely feel like it was part of the reason for my extra good mood today. I love this kid so much it's painful and he's at an age where he really shows his affection to me. He loves me and that's a pretty amazing thing.

2. When I got up this morning, I discovered that Jeff had thrown everything in the crock pot for supper before he left for work, so I didn't have to do it. It never takes long for me to do it, but with two kidlets, one less thing for me to do is huge! He's a pretty fantastic husband.

3. Just feeling so much better emotionally today than I did on Monday. Monday just felt like a low point and today was just what I needed. 

Okay, I stayed up tonight to watch The Bachelor. It was some good me time. It may or may not have involved chips and cookies. So bad, but so good.

Monday, January 26th - 3 Good Things: time to prioritize

So because I've essentially been using this forum as an online diary, I talk a lot about Grayson's sleep, or lack there of. I like having the record of whether the night before was good, average, or terrible, but I need to stop focusing on it so much. It's really, really hard not to focus on the sleep that I'm not getting because I'm so tired and I'm so frustrated at how long I've been tired, but talking about it doesn't make it different. So, for the sake of continuing to record for myself this part of motherhood, I'll make mention of the sleep somewhere, but I don't want to spotlight it so much.

For the sake of that sleep record, last night was one of his worst yet. We had chinese food for supper -- did that do me in? I'm not sure, but he's spitting up more lately, after every single nursing session, and he was clearly uncomfortable in the night. There are moments where I think, eff it - I'll switch to formula, but I would be devastated if I had to do that, especially since he will be my last nursling.

I've been thinking today a lot about my time and how little of it there seems to be. I think I need to step back and make a list of what my priorities are. I'm also going to do this with a pen and paper, because that feels more organic somehow. But I need to remind myself about where my time and energy needs to go and I think it's looking like this:

1. Me time/my health. I need to try to get more sleep (ha - I just said I wasn't going to talk about this. Hang tight, this talk is different.). Most nights, I go to bed late - after 10:30 - and putz around on my phone or tablet, either reading or on social media. I get too caught up in what I'm looking at and half the time don't fall asleep right away. This is a major problem when I know I will be up too often throughout the night. It's fine to go on my phone or tablet and do whatever, if it helps me to unwind after the day, but then I need to get my ass into bed much earlier to account for that time. That way, I'm not taking away from sleep time. I need to do it this way and consider that hour before falling asleep my "me" time.

Once I'm feeling better rested, the other things will come more easily. I will feel like I can be a better mom to Carter and Grayson. I feel like I will have more patience for them when they are trying me (which they are bound to do) and like I will have the energy to play more with Carter and do other things that will contribute to the overall health in my household - like planning and making healthy meals.

2. My kids and my husband. Obviously, the boys in my life are my priority. Again, getting more rest will allow me to feel more positive and present and will help me be a more attentive mom and partner. When I think about the combination of things taking me away from being invested and an active participant in my time with them, social media tops the list next to sleep. I'm on Facebook, Instagram and Youtube too much. I don't mind going on Facebook to check the chat conversation with my vacationing parents,  but I feel like I spend too much time checking in on facebook in general instead of playing with Carter. 

It's the same with Jeff. When we have our very limited alone time after the kids go to bed (presuming one of us isn't dealing with Grayson waking up every 1/2 hour before we actually go to bed), I shouldn't be online at all; I should just be checking into my marriage. It's easy enough to feel like room-mates when you have two kids - one of whom is still a newbie -- without social media stealing more of your time.

I don't like how I've laid this out here - it doesn't quite place things how I feel they should be placed, but it's a start and the pen and paper will help me out in that regard. 

The point of all this is that I need to scale back, even on here, and spend more time sleeping, eating better, playing with my kids, talking to my husband, and making sure that I have meaningful "me" time - and if that's spending time on social media, that's fine, but that's got to be considered the me time and the social media can't creep in on the other categories.

So, the blog posts listing my three good things need to get shorter. They need to, on some days when I just don't have the time, be a simple list. That will put me in bed earlier since I almost always do these right before bed.

So for today:

1. Given that I've been so vocal and open about my sleep struggle these past couple of months, I had two offers for help today. The offers themselves are so meaningful. I just feel grateful for them at all.

2. We bought more gluten-free stuff today. The journey begins tomorrow, folks. Wish me luck. I'm really hoping this is the answer to my babe's sleep issues. 

3. After Eight hot chocolate. I seriously have to stop myself from having like three cups a day.

*Please forgive any spelling errors. I'm not going to edit this. It's 9:36, and I'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed - an act I should have done half an hour ago :-/

Goodnight all. Thanks for listening to my grumblings!

Sunday, January 25th - Three Good Things: Swimming lessons, car bathing, and my awesome family

I'm in a significantly better mood than I was in yesterday. I feel less tired and more positive. And I feel less bored with my life, even though nothing has changed. Sometimes, I honestly just think it's getting out of the house to do something -- anything -- that elevates my mood. Yes, when you're stuck in the house all day 'errday, doing the same exact things over and over, it can get a little really, this is my life??

Sleep was typical last night. Mr. G was up every 2 hours or just over or under that mark. So I got about 4 two-hour stretches - maybe just a little less. In total, 6-8 hours of sleep is pretty good, I think. I just wish I was getting more like 2 four-hour stretches.

Here's why today was good:

1. I took Carter for his last swimming lesson today. He was very good during the class, unlike last week. Sometimes after class we will warm up in the hot tub for five minutes or so. It was when I told him it was time to go home and that no, we couldn't stay and play with the water toys and, no, we couldn't stay and hang out in the hot tub that things really fell apart. He flipped out. So that was fun.

He does well in the classes for me, usually, but I think it's also important that he gets to go to the pool just to play and have fun. Doing that still gets him in the water and comfortable in the water and I can still do a lot of the things they have us do with the kids in class (jumping in, going under the water, etc.). But giving him free-time play in the water is important for him too. I didn't register him in the next session, but I did register him in the session after that, so we have a break in classes until April (I think). So what I'll do is take him swimming, just him and me, once during the day once a week. The nice thing about doing that is that he will get free play time and because it's during the week, the pool will be much less busy than it typically will be for public swim on weekends. This means we'll have our pick of the toys, floaties and will just generally have more of the pool to ourselves. And best of all: it will be just Carter-Mum time. So I think I'll start that this week. That will be another thing that will force me to get out of the house.

2. After Carter's nap this afternoon, I loaded both kids up in the car and ran it through the car wash. My god, did it need a wash. I told Carter we needed to give mom's car a bath and he thought the wash was pretty cool. Afterwards, we went to Target to pick up a couple of things. We were only gone for an hour, but Grayson didn't actually flip out the entire time we were gone and I was fully expecting him too, so that was a win. Also, being out of the house with both kids gave Jeff an opportunity to de-ice our driveway. Super fun job for him, but it needed to be done. When we got home, Carter saw that dad was outside and felt that he really needed to help, so he happily "helped" dad with the driveway. He's pretty cute, I must say.

3. We had my family over for supper tonight. I freaking love these people. We got to Facetime with my parents, too, which was nice for my grandparents. They are worriers (that's where I get it from). After supper there was a competitive card game, which of course means a lot of laughing at my grandpa. This is my absolute favourite way to spend an evening. Supper and games with my family. I truly wouldn't pick anything else.

This is my last full week without my parents here. This excites me. I have a couple of plans this week - lunch date with Pat, cards with the kids and Nikin at my grandparents', and swimming with Carter, so hopefully keeping busy and getting out during the week will help keep my mood elevated.

It's far later than I intended it to be when going to bed already, so, with that, I bid you good night.

Saturday, January 24th - Three Good Things: Snow play, brotherly love, and more brotherly love.

Though the weather was warm today (for winter), it was a dreary day. The sun was hiding and it was half-snowing, half-raining. It just felt blah, which in turn kind of makes me feel blah. I did get to sleep in today until 10 with Grayson since Jeff got up with Carter (who slept in until just after 9!), so though my night was absolute crap again, and I feel tired today, I don't feel dead tired.

Today I'm feeling like our life is in a rut. I feel this way every so often. I think it's just a by-product of having young kids (one of whom doesn't really sleep at night). I feel like every day during the week is virtually the same and every weekend is a repeat of the weekend before. We try to clean, watch cartoons and play with Carter, try to get some to-do's around the house done, sometimes we go shopping, etc. I feel antsy -- like I want to plan a trip or something. Just a weekend away would help break up the monotony of life, but I feel like I really can't do that until Grayson is sleeping better.

On this day last year, we were in Cuba celebrating our five-year wedding anniversary (which had taken place in the July prior). I just keep thinking of packing for that trip, sitting on a plane for hours watching saved up episodes of The Bachelor on my laptop, and reading The Silent Wife. I think that's making this sense that my/our life/lives are in a boring rut feel more intense.

But, this is life with an almost three month old who doesn't sleep well. So I need to figure out something in the meantime to cure my boredom that doesn't involve shopping.

But on to happier things.

1. I spent some time outside with Carter today, finally. I took him on the sled to the park by our house. There's a decent sized hill there, so we went tobogganing. The problem was this entire flippin' city is skating rink because it kind of rained today, but it's cold enough that it leaves a thin layer of ice on top of whatever surface it lands on, including snow. So the tobogganing was short lived - and comes with a funny story, but Grayson just woke up, so this blog post has officially been cut short :(

2. How much Carter so clearly adores Grayon is just one of the best things about my life. Truly. I never expected him to love Grayson so much - certainly not as much as he does. It's pretty heart-melting to see.

3. Chatting with my brother, Curtis, over Facebook messenger. We were hoping my parents would join in from New Zealand so we could do a family chat, but no luck, so him and I cracked each other up instead. It was good.

And now I'm going to bed. The night is not looking good at all, considering Grayson has already woken up once. That's a bad sign. A very bad sign mmmmk.

Okay. Night, folks. Sleep well. I will hate you for it, but sleep well.

I am NOT taking the time to read this post for mistakes. I am too tired and it's already cutting into my sleeping time.

Friday, January 23 - Three Good Things: P-Units, warm weather, and speech therapy

Oh, it's Friday. Happy day!

Today was actually an effer of a day, people. Grayson had a shit night last night (by about 4 a.m., I'm usually ready to lose my ever-loving mind) and slept for MAYBE a total of two hours all day. That two hours was really broken too, so when he was awake, he was pretty miserable. I finally got a 40 minute to an hour nap out of his cute butt just before supper by laying down with him and sneaking away when he was good and asleep. After that he was just happy as a clam and I was just happy as a clam to put him to bed early. I keep waiting for the tomorrow that will actually be a better day. I've been waiting for nearly three months. I continue to wait. But, damn he's cute.

1. So, I think in a post a week-ish ago, I said how my parents would be home in two weeks. I realized (much to my dismay) that I was wrong; at that time, they would have been home in three weeks. In talking to them today, I mentioned that they would be on their way home two weeks from today and they informed me that, no, they get back on Thursday, February 5th. One day closer than I thought. I shouldn't be as excited about one day as I am, but I can't help it. I can't wait to see them and I can't wait for them to see Grayson, who grew so much and became a social little chatterbox while they were away. And I can't wait for them to see how much Carter is excelling in gymnastics. They will be so proud and Carter will be very happy to have his cheerleading team back on the benches :)

2. The weather here is so nice, you could wear a spring coat. This is the kind of winter I could get on board with. I'd really still prefer that winter be 2.5 months (max) and summer be four months longer (as would most of you reading this), but we're the fools that keep choosing to live here.

3. We had an another appointment with the speech therapist for Carter this morning and it went well. His vocabulary has flourished since we saw her last. He's talking a lot now and repeating everything. The issue at this point is how he pronounces words. I think this is a really common struggle for toddlers as they learn how to talk (not pronouncing 'r' and that sort of thing), so she gave us some tips on how to work with him to improve how he speaks.

The speech therapy is free of charge and is provided for by our health region. I think we're pretty fortunate to live in a place where a service like this exists and is free of charge to families who have a valid health card provided by the province.

And that's that. The warm weather is supposed to continue, so tomorrow, we are going to take Carter tobogganing. I'm going to put Grayson in his snowsuit and do his "first time in the snow" picture too. I can't believe I haven't done that yet!

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Have a good weekend, everyone and I'll see you all tomorrow!

Thursday, January 22 - 3 Good Things: Missing my Carter Cute-Butt and feeling in love with my baby.

*I started this blog post in the early afternoon and am just publishing it now, at 9:30. I should say that at this point, I miss Carter like mad and can't wait to pick him up tomorrow morning!*

I am in such a good mood today. Grayson still didn't sleep all that well, but it wasn't quite as bad as the night before. I also got to sleep in since Carter spent the night at my parents' with Nikin (his new title for Nicole, which we think is a combination of 'Nicole', 'Nin', and 'Nikki'), so I feel pretty well rested and lively today.

I know as moms, we're not supposed to say that we enjoy our time when our kids are away, but I totally do. I don't have any free time when I have both boys at home and it's just me. I'm not complaining - I obviously chose to have two kids, knowing it would be busy and sometimes stressful, but, like so many other moms, it's just the reality of my life. When Carter stays with Nicole or at my parents, I get more sleep and have more time to myself during the day to cuddle Grayson, guilt-free, to get housework done, guilt-free, and to spend time doing something I enjoy doing, like writing my blog post for the day, or watching a tv show, etc. - all guilt free.

Yesterday, I asked Carter if he wanted to sleep at home or at Nan and Pe's house with Nin and he said Nin. I was a little surprised and asked him twice more throughout the evening, but his answer remained the same and he was pretty darned happy to pack his overnight bag. I love that he's getting to an age where he will verbalize that he wants to do one thing over another. Normally, when we give him the option, he wants to come home or he wants us all to stay over somewhere together. He's growing up so much and it's freaking me out a little.

1. I've been thinking a lot about Carter lately. It feels like he's changed and grown up a ton in the last couple of months. Going into gymnastics on his own confidently, and now telling me he wants to stay with Nikin, instead of at home. I feel like he's starting to become more independent and he's really developing, on his own terms, relationships outside of the relationship he has with me and with his dad. It's so interesting to watch him make this transition from clingy toddler, to confident kid. This is going to sound dumb, maybe, but I really feel like his willingness to venture out is a reflection on how secure he is at home. He knows he's loved. He knows we're proud. He knows we will always come get him and we'll always be here when he gets home and because he knows those things, he can move out into the world a little more, even if he still looks back to make sure we're still watching and cheering him on from the bleachers. It just makes me feel proud of who he is becoming and (I hope) our role as parents in helping him to get to that confident place.

2. Grayson's baby swing. I'm thankful for Grayson's baby swing. I doubt I need to explain that.

3. Spending time reading in the bath tonight before having a bath with Grayson.

Life is good.

Wednesday, January 21 - 3 Good Things: Talking to my parents, another successful gymnastics class, and sleeping in tomorrow.

Last night's sleeping was terrible -- again! Up at least every two hours. I was so tired today, but not in a terrible mood, surprisingly. Actually, today was a pretty good day.

1. We got to chat with my parents via Facetime. It was so good to SEE them. Just over two weeks to go until they are home. I don't want to wish two weeks away because at this rate, Grayson is growing so fast that I want the last two months back, but I am looking forward to seeing them and having them near again :)  They looked great. Happy and relaxed. They really miss their grandboys, but can you blame them?!

2. Carter was a good boy at gymnastics again. He really enjoys it, so I'm glad I re-registered him for the winter session. Every once in a while, he would stop where he was in the course he was on and look for us in the crowd. We would wave and smile and give him the thumbs up and he would smile and wave back. It was so flippin' cute. I've waited my whole life for moments like that and they're everything I hoped they would be.

3. Nicole took Carter for the night. This means I get to sleep in tomorrow. I'm looking forward to a day that starts off with more rest. Again, I'm hoping the night isn't as horrendous as I'm anticipating it to be. Wish us luck!

Tuesday, January 20th - 3 Good Things: Library books, baby naps, and crepes

I didn't get the best sleep last night again. Grayson was turning into a better sleeper, so let's hope it was a fluke, shall we? He started off okay, sleeping from about 9-1, but was up every two hours after that. I'm hoping tonight is different. I'll even take three hour stretches. Beggars can't be choosers!

In spite of being tired (a reliable theme in my life, it seems), here were the pleasantries of today:

1. I packed the kids up and took them to the library. Carter was more interested in the foam blocks than in picking out books, but in the end, I did get him to pick out a couple books to take home. Once we got home, he seemed much more excited about his picks, which included Thomas the Train books and Curious George. I'm going to make it a weekly ritual and hope that he gets more excited about the book-picking part of the trip.

2. Laying down for an hour with Grayson this afternoon. Napping with him is one of my favourite things to do. It won't be long before I can't do that anymore, so I cherish those restful moments now.

3. After supper we went out for dessert to a crepe place near our house. I was craving one so bad and it was just oh-so-good!

Tomorrow is already Wednesday! Another week, half gone. I don't know where my days go!

Monday, January 19th 3 Good Things: I love my little Misters

1. For the past couple of weeks or so, Grayson sees and smiles at himself in the mirror and it's the cutest danged thing ever. I need to get a video of it because, seriously, it kills me.

2. As I was reading Grayson his bedtime book tonight he kept smiling and talking to the book. Right after getting him ready for bed, I went to Carter's room to read him his bedtime books. I love that we read to the kids. I really, really hope to raise avid little readers who love going to the library as much as I did as a kid (and still do as an adult).

3. Every morning Carter asks where Dad is and I tell him that Dad is at work. This morning Carter informed me that Carter misses Dad. Pretty sweet moment, right there. Then, my Grayson was Mr. Smiley and Chatty today. He's such a social little man.

Yes, there are days where both of them drive me crazy. And, yes, there are days where I just want ONE DAY OFF from parenthood. But, I cannot relate how much I love these two little boys. Kids really take over your life, but loving kids and raising them is the most rewarding and emotional experience I've ever had. I can't remember who said this, but I read somewhere that a male movie star who recently became a father said something like, "I had no idea how much my mom loved me until I had a child of my own." I love that because it couldn't be more true.

Monday is over and I survived it without Starbucks or a shopping spree. Maybe those things will encourage me to leave the house tomorrow though :)

I hope everyone has a good night!

Sunday, January 18th - 3 Good Things: And the cranky toddler is back!

It was another decent night of sleep for Grayson. His stretches of sleep are still not as long as other babies his age - at least that's what I can tell from talking to my mom friends with similarly aged, or younger, babies. But he's getting better and that's all I really care about.

Carter had his second last swim class today. I didn't make the mistake of sending him with Jeff this time and left Jeff and Grayson home together while Carter and I went. He wasn't great for me, but he wasn't terrible. The past three days or so, my little angel (who I was just gloating about last week) has reverted back to monster status. He's not listening, acting up, and whining a ton. I'm not sure what the issue is, but in spite of my getting more sleep, I'm still low on patience, and he's driving me bonkers.

I was in kind of a crummy mood today, for no good reason. Nothing about the day was particularly  bad - it was just not a particularly pleasant or happy day for me either. Plus, my clogged milk duct issue, which seemed to be nearly resolved on Friday, started to come back on Saturday. I don't understand what the issue is or how it's even possible considering the fact that Grayson is still nursing every 3 - 3.5 hours at the longest and I never feel like I "fill up" or get engorged at all in that time. So, how the milk is still building and backing up, I have no flippin' idea. Breastfeeding this time around is a total pain in the ass. I'm hoping we're just working out all the kinks now and that things will be smooth sailing from here on out.

It was harder for me to think of three good things today, to be honest. But here's what I came up with:

1. Carter wore his life jacket in his swimming lesson today and actually liked it. Normally, I dread life-jacket day because he flips his lid and it's a nightmare trying to deal with Mr. Stubborn Butt, however, today he liked it and had fun wearing it. He normally doesn't much care for backfloats and clings to me pretty strongly, but today, I managed to get him to let me pull him around by his hands while he did his backfloats. This is decent progress for sure!

2. I am happy that we are the kind of family who puts their kids in extra-curricular activities and that we are fortunate enough to be able to afford to do this. Not every family is able to do this financially, so I feel like we're a pretty lucky little group.

3. I took the kids to my Aunt's place for supper. Carter LOVES being there and it got me out of the house and playing a game of cards. Anyone who has played cards with my grandparents knows that the opportunity to do so is not an opportunity one wants to miss. These people are hysterical. 

Tomorrow is Monday. I intend on making that okay by getting Starbucks and by going to Superstore to shop for cute pants for Grayson. He has pants, but he has a shortage of cute pants. This is an important distinction. Wish me luck.

Saturday, January 17th - 3 Good Things

Last night was another good sleep night for Grayson. Not as good as the night before, but still pretty good. He was up a bunch of times throughout the night, but was right back to sleep once I put his soother back in his mouth. Carter being a thumb-sucker is crap right now, because I hate that he's three and still sucks his thumb, but the benefit to having a thumb-sucker when they are smaller is that you aren't up 300 times a night to put the baby's soother back in his mouth. I'll appreciate that Grayson is a soother baby when he's a toddler and it's time to give up the pacifier, but right now, it kind of sucks.

So Saturday. Saturday was good because:

1. My siblings (Joel, Sarah, Curt) came over for brunch today. I love these people. I am so proud of these people. Truly proud. They are smart, kind, really hard-working, but above all - they are really good people with good hearts. And they are the people who will be an Aunt and Uncles to my boys.

2. We hear from my parents every day. I love getting their messages and seeing how much fun they are having. Right now they are on a cruise and once they are on dry land for the remainder of their trip, we will do a Skype call. I'm interested to see how Carter reacts to seeing them on the computer and can't wait to actually "see" them and talk to them for a little longer.

3. Jeff and I watched Gone Girl tonight. Everyone I talked to really liked the movie, and (as I said in previous posts) I thoroughly enjoyed the book, so I was excited to see it. I thought it was only okay. It didn't compare to the book, but the movie rarely does. The movie felt like it was rushing to tell as much of the book/story as it could, but Jeff (who didn't read the book) didn't feel that way, so I think that's a reader's bias. But, we had both kids in bed and were actually able to watch a movie together on a Saturday night which almost made it feel like old times. That was the nicest part of watching the movie - feeling like we have a life. Shhhhh - don't tell our kids!

Friday, January 16th - 3 Good Things: The two-week wait commences, a ton of sleep was had, and a to-do list got some check marks

Short and sweet:

1. Two weeks from today, my parents will be back. We're half way there and I'm so excited to see them. Carter asked about them yesterday. I think he misses his Nan and Pe. I'm hoping their flight comes in at a time when I can take the kids to meet them at the airport because I want to record Carter's reaction when he sees them.

2. Last night was Grayson's best sleep since birth. It was fabulous and I actually feel really well-rested today! I hope last night wasn't a fluke and that this is the start of something good. The tenderness in my breast is getting better too, so I *think* that we are on the road to recovery for real this time!

3. I got a couple things (not everything, by any means) crossed off my to-do list today. Every time I get to go into that app on my phone and click the check mark, my breath comes just a little easier.

Extras:

4. It's only 5 p.m. and I've completed and posted my blog post for the day. This means I won't be doing it tonight. Woot!

5. The weekend is upon us and is bringing some warm winter weather. I would like to spend some time outside with Carter playing in the snow - taking him to the hill by either our house or my parents to go tobogganing, and/or building a snowman in our front yard. This will be his first snowman and I think he would be so proud. (In having coffee with Pat yesterday, she was talking about how they were planning on doing this with their grandson - also named Carter - and this would also be his first snowman. Thanks for the idea, Pat!)

Thursday, January 15th - 3 Good Things: My Pat fix, a completed novel, and a happy baby

I was tired as all get out today. This was my fault as much as Grayson's because I stayed up until 1:30 reading Gone Girl. I couldn't put it down! Because I'm tired, this post is going to be a quickie, so I hope you like those. Here's why today was a gooder:

1. Pat came over for a long overdue coffee. She brought Starbucks. Pat + Starbucks = one of my favourite ways to spend any evening. I love this woman.

2. I finished Gone Girl. I loved it. I'm sad it's over, but glad it's over because reading it was taking over my life (which came at the expense of my sleep). I can't wait to see the movie now! I am also happy that I've finished the book because one of my goals for 2015 was to read a book a month and we're only half-way through January and I've already completed the first of the 12. I'm debating with myself on what to read next: another novel by the author of Gone Girl?

3. My little Grayson was such a happy boy today. He tolerated (and fell asleep for) a good hour or hour and a half in his swing today while I got Carter his breakfast and got all of us ready to leave the house for yet another doctor's appointment for me. Then this evening, he was just a happy little guy - smiling and chatting at me from his bouncer in the kitchen as I tidied up after supper. He even finished the night off by going to bed really well. It sure would be nice if he is as kind to me throughout the night, but I'm not holding my breath :)

Tomorrow is Friday, people. FRIDAY. Just sit on that for a second.

(By the way, the doctor said that my clogged duct issue should get better, but sometimes these things take time. She said I'm doing everything I should be doing and to just keep on doing those things. If in a week, I'm still having pain, come back. If at any point the fever comes back, or I start to find myself getting nauseous, to come back. But, I have to say that even now, nearly 12 hours after seeing her, I think the pain is lessening. Let's hope I'm right and not just on some kind of high from my visit with Pat and the delicious white chocolate mocha that she brought for me!)

Wednesday, January 14th - 4 Good Things: More sleep, my little gymnast, and my current addiction to Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl

Carter stayed with Nin (cousin Nicole) at my parents' place again for most of the day, so I got to sleep in again with Grayson, which was nice. I had planned on going to get a couple of errands done in the afternoon with Grayson, but felt tired and headachey, so instead lazed around the house with my wee babe as attached to me as he can possibly be without the umbilical cord in play; lazed around and read, I should say. There are worse ways to spend a day.

I will admit to having a short-lived cry-fest this afternoon over this clogged duct situation, which is definitely NOT better today and may be getting worse. It hurts to lift my arm above my head, people. I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon to talk to her about what happens if this thing doesn't open up. I'm feeling anxious about it.

In spite of spilling tears (and not as much milk as I'd like), today was kind of great because:

1. I got around 6 hours of sleep, which is the most sleep I've had in a long time. Last night it was clear to me that Grayson was just not going to settle well in his own bed, so I gave up and pulled him into bed with me. He fell asleep immediately and slept soundly for two hours. Now, two hours isn't really as long as he should be sleeping for his age, however, I kind of need him to nurse off of my broken boob that often to try to help me clear this problem up, so for now, I'll take it. He gave me three 2-hour stretches. They were great. I didn't really wake up this morning feeling well-rested, even though that's the most sleep I've had in a good two weeks, but I'm still really happy that the number of hours was up a little last night and I'm sure the tiredness can just be linked to the stress I'm feeling and infection-fighting my body is doing right now.

2. Carter's gymnastics class started tonight. I registered him in the same class he was in last year instead of bumping him to the next age group because I wasn't sure he was ready for the next level. Mostly because in the previous class, he was still insistent, most classes, that either me or his dad come in with him rather than going in alone, as he should. Anyway, I was running late (shocker!) so I dropped Nicole off at the door with Carter and went to park. I wanted to make sure that he was there when his teacher called his class in since it's the first week and we don't know who his teacher was going to be for this session. When I got inside, Jeff and Nicole were standing there, sans Carter. I asked where he was and they motioned into the gym. He went in alone and was just fine with it. I was so proud - progress! Not only did he stay in the whole class on his own, without asking for one of us to come in and/or getting upset that we weren't there, but he participated so well in class and has become pretty comfortable doing all of the activities that the teacher had the kids do. It was his best class ever. I need to talk to Jeff tonight about having Carter drop that class and registering him in the next level up, if it's not too late. I just felt like such a proud mom and ya'll know that mom-pride is THE BEST kind.

3. I'm 77% of the way through the novel Gone Girl according to my e-reader. I'm freaking LOVING this book. I'm totally hooked and all I can think about (aside from my boob) is reading it. I wanted to read it before seeing the movie, and I'm loving the book so much that I'm glad I made that decision. Also, there are few things better than a book you can't put down. The downside to finishing it will be, of course, finishing it.

4. After finishing up at gymnastics, Nikki and I went to Target with the kids to get some shopping done. Going to Target qualifies for a good thing all on its own already, but when we dropped Nicole off after we were done there, Carter started to cry once she got out of the car. Now, I am not happy that my child was upset, but the fact that he reacts the same way when she leaves him as he does when his dad or I leave him warms my heart and is indicative of how secure and loved he feels by and with her. I feel lucky that my boys are so fortunate to have so many people in my their lives who love them so deeply. Other than good health and happiness, that's all I want for them.

Signing off for this evening to stuff my face and get in another couple chapters before bed!