Monday, January 26th - 3 Good Things: time to prioritize

So because I've essentially been using this forum as an online diary, I talk a lot about Grayson's sleep, or lack there of. I like having the record of whether the night before was good, average, or terrible, but I need to stop focusing on it so much. It's really, really hard not to focus on the sleep that I'm not getting because I'm so tired and I'm so frustrated at how long I've been tired, but talking about it doesn't make it different. So, for the sake of continuing to record for myself this part of motherhood, I'll make mention of the sleep somewhere, but I don't want to spotlight it so much.

For the sake of that sleep record, last night was one of his worst yet. We had chinese food for supper -- did that do me in? I'm not sure, but he's spitting up more lately, after every single nursing session, and he was clearly uncomfortable in the night. There are moments where I think, eff it - I'll switch to formula, but I would be devastated if I had to do that, especially since he will be my last nursling.

I've been thinking today a lot about my time and how little of it there seems to be. I think I need to step back and make a list of what my priorities are. I'm also going to do this with a pen and paper, because that feels more organic somehow. But I need to remind myself about where my time and energy needs to go and I think it's looking like this:

1. Me time/my health. I need to try to get more sleep (ha - I just said I wasn't going to talk about this. Hang tight, this talk is different.). Most nights, I go to bed late - after 10:30 - and putz around on my phone or tablet, either reading or on social media. I get too caught up in what I'm looking at and half the time don't fall asleep right away. This is a major problem when I know I will be up too often throughout the night. It's fine to go on my phone or tablet and do whatever, if it helps me to unwind after the day, but then I need to get my ass into bed much earlier to account for that time. That way, I'm not taking away from sleep time. I need to do it this way and consider that hour before falling asleep my "me" time.

Once I'm feeling better rested, the other things will come more easily. I will feel like I can be a better mom to Carter and Grayson. I feel like I will have more patience for them when they are trying me (which they are bound to do) and like I will have the energy to play more with Carter and do other things that will contribute to the overall health in my household - like planning and making healthy meals.

2. My kids and my husband. Obviously, the boys in my life are my priority. Again, getting more rest will allow me to feel more positive and present and will help me be a more attentive mom and partner. When I think about the combination of things taking me away from being invested and an active participant in my time with them, social media tops the list next to sleep. I'm on Facebook, Instagram and Youtube too much. I don't mind going on Facebook to check the chat conversation with my vacationing parents,  but I feel like I spend too much time checking in on facebook in general instead of playing with Carter. 

It's the same with Jeff. When we have our very limited alone time after the kids go to bed (presuming one of us isn't dealing with Grayson waking up every 1/2 hour before we actually go to bed), I shouldn't be online at all; I should just be checking into my marriage. It's easy enough to feel like room-mates when you have two kids - one of whom is still a newbie -- without social media stealing more of your time.

I don't like how I've laid this out here - it doesn't quite place things how I feel they should be placed, but it's a start and the pen and paper will help me out in that regard. 

The point of all this is that I need to scale back, even on here, and spend more time sleeping, eating better, playing with my kids, talking to my husband, and making sure that I have meaningful "me" time - and if that's spending time on social media, that's fine, but that's got to be considered the me time and the social media can't creep in on the other categories.

So, the blog posts listing my three good things need to get shorter. They need to, on some days when I just don't have the time, be a simple list. That will put me in bed earlier since I almost always do these right before bed.

So for today:

1. Given that I've been so vocal and open about my sleep struggle these past couple of months, I had two offers for help today. The offers themselves are so meaningful. I just feel grateful for them at all.

2. We bought more gluten-free stuff today. The journey begins tomorrow, folks. Wish me luck. I'm really hoping this is the answer to my babe's sleep issues. 

3. After Eight hot chocolate. I seriously have to stop myself from having like three cups a day.

*Please forgive any spelling errors. I'm not going to edit this. It's 9:36, and I'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed - an act I should have done half an hour ago :-/

Goodnight all. Thanks for listening to my grumblings!