I started this post yesterday and then, again, for reasons that I can't really discuss here, the evening got a away from me. I was awake until after 1:00 a.m. It was a rough night, but things are okay. Having said that, let's focus on the glimpses of joy that yesterday brought.
1. As I left Calgary, I felt immensely grateful in so many ways. I felt grateful that I was able to spend that time with Krystal. It was a very healing weekend.
Just before I gave birth to Grayson in 2014, we had a break in our relationship that lasted about two years. I think we both believed we would not be friends again. But things happened, contact was made and here we are. I almost feel that we are closer this time because in that two years we learned a lot about ourselves and started working on our own person. Knowing what we are bringing into the relationship allows us to come into it with a clarity that I don't think we had the benefit of before. I think we have altered expectations of one another as compared to five years ago. And I also think that we will approach conflict differently.
She is my cousin, so we are family in a biological sense, but I've always felt that she's more my family by choice than by blood. The bond we have is intense and, in spite of a "break up" I honestly think we are connected at the soul and that, regardless of what our future looks like, we will always be in one another's lives and on one another's heart. She really is my soul sister.
I'm so grateful for Chris, who she is separated from. Their relationship is amazing. They co-parent in a way that benefits the kids: maturely and selflessly, which is how all parents should be with their kids. Unfortunately, more often than not, they are not an example of the norm. While her and I were in Banff shopping, he picked up a birthday cake for me. I am pretty sure that she asked him to do it, but he could have said no. I'm his ex wife's best friend and he still did that for her and me. And that's amazing. When I thanked him, he said, "You will always be family to me so it was easy to do that for you." Well, okay. #solucky
And I'm grateful that I ended up spending a decent amount of time with her kids. I know they aren't mine, but it felt a little like they were. Kessa is so grown up already and spending time with her felt like spending time with "the girls". Next time I go there, I'm hoping we can take her with us to a paint nite and go for pedicures. Calin reminds me so much of Carter. They are very alike. At one point, Krystal ran to the drug store to pick up some medication for him, so it was just him and me alone in the house. We were sitting on the couch and I was typing on my computer and he was sitting next to me. I put the computer on the coffee table and he actually cuddled into me just the way Carter does. I put my arm around him and he kind of leaned into my chest. It just about died. Kayleigh is sweet beyond what I can possibly express in words. She gives the best hugs and her shy little smile melts me on a constant basis.
I love them. Like a lot.
Spending time with them, all of them, actually made me feel like they are my other family. I've never had that before. It's so real and natural.
So Calgary: thank you. ❤
2. Getting home and kissing and hugging my own baby boys was amazing. I missed them terribly and being near them was the greatest relief for my soul. As I walked into the door, when Carter saw me he had the biggest smile, walked down a few stairs and jumped into my arms. We argued about who missed who more. Gray was in the bath and was happy, but not as excited as Carter, to see me. There were definitely a lot of "mama"'s for the remainder of the evening though. Being back with your kids after being away is the best feeling.
3. Husband kisses. 💋
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