Today didn't get off to the best start, but once I got into work, things improved. I had a good day at the office and was looking forward to picking up my little lads at the end of the day. All of my good things have to do with the kids, so this is going to be a pretty lame mom post. I'd say I'm sorry, but that would be a lie.
1. I dropped Carter's preschool application off before I got into work today.
I remember when we bought this house, seeing how close that school was and thinking that would likely be the school that our kids attended. I remember walking into the house for the very first time and thinking, "one day, I will put a little person in a backpack in this landing before walking them down the street to school every day." I hadn't pictured moments like that in any house we'd seen up to that point. This house was the 14th house that we saw.
And now, that moment with the backpack and the walk down the block is one in my direct line of sight.
I know it's so annoying to talk about how much I can't believe we're at this stage, but I can't. For me, parenthood is a strange thing that way; there are these milestones that, at one time, feel like they are light years away and, yet, they are in your present before you've fully comprehended your past. I also think that before the babies show up, there are a bunch of milestones that are marker moments that you imagine over and over. You find out your pregnant *marker*; you give birth *marker + stitches*; baby is one month old *marker*; baby is six months old *marker*; baby turns one year, starts walking, starts talking... *marker, marker, marker*. For me there is a disbelief in those moments because I imagined them for so long and so many times over. And, now they are upon us. They have moved from fantasy into reality. It's a weird transition for my brain to make.
And now I have a five-year old who will be attending kindergarten in the fall. I am soon to be the mom of a kindergartener.
2. Gray was so funny this evening. Lately, he pulls himself up onto the chair in his room and insists on reading himself books, "Grayson read." And so, tonight, he sat on my lap and read his own books. One of the books he read was "Twinkle, Twinkle, You're My Star." He sang it... and danced while he sang. I mean... holy crap. Another one was, "How Do Dinosaurs Act When They're Mad." We read this book a lot, so he knows the basics of what a lot of the pages say. I sat there in that chair thinking about how he was our surprise baby and relishing in how complete he has made our lives and our family. He's such a little personality already and he's such a smart little monster.
3. After I read books to Carter, I didn't lay down with him like I usually do because I hadn't eaten supper and I was starved out. I told him I'd come back after I got some food into my gullet. After eating, as I walked into his room, we nearly ran into each other in his doorway; he was coming out to see where I was. "You done your pizza now, Mom?" "Yup, I was just coming in to lay with you." He smiled, and grabbed my hand, "Come on, Mom."
We crawled into his bed and had our usual argument over who loves who more. Then he threw himself at me to give me the biggest hug. He's still pretty affectionate for a five year old. I know that will become less and less as he gets older, but I secretly hope that he's always a mama's boy.
And those were the pleasantries of my day. Those were the moments where I thought, "this really is the best that it can possibly be: this, right here -- how I feel in this moment. Like I couldn't be more in love." Those are the moments that sustain the rest of life - the hard and mundane parts. At least, that is my truth.
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