I realized today that so many of my "good things" are about my kids; further, so many of those things about the kids are really little things, seemingly not note or memory-worthy. I think in parenthood, it's those little moments that make the shitty parts totally worth it. Realizing, really only today, how many of those small things end up in my "good things" list also reminded me how little it really takes to bring joy, or pull us out of a bad mood. There's something tremendously comforting in that.
It's so cliché, but it really is the little things in life that make it great. And while I'm exceptionally good at complaining and focusing on what isn't working or what's "annoying" me at any given moment, including my experiences as a mother, my boys really are the best part of my life and bring me far more of these moments of intense happiness and peace than anyone or anything else. And I'm so grateful for that.
1. So, thing number one is about Carter. I was in the dining room when he woke up this morning. I heard his door open and then I heard his little voice, "Is anyone awake?" I smiled. "I'm up Carter. Just out here." I hear his feet pad down the hallway and he comes and stands next to me in the dining room. He rubs my back and says, "Good morning, Mom." I just can't get over how sweet this little boy is. He's so kind and gentle and loving and affectionate. I hope the world doesn't change him.
2. I went for a massage today and it was ah-mazing.
3. Grayson's reaction to seeing my dad tonight. I'm going to take my video camera to gymnastics next week to get it recorded because no description I can ever give will do it justice. I will just say that he was so excited, that I actually thought, "this kid is going to have a heart attack if he doesn't calm the eff down." Once we got into gymnastics, he refused to go to anyone but my dad, so guess who had to take him into his class. That's right: grandpa is a sucker.
TWO ANXIETY WINS TODAY... booooo yah!
1. Eating food with my hands *gasp* while at work. I haven't done this in a very long time. I wash my hands right before I eat always, but when I'm at work, I'm on my computer, typing away and touching my mouse and I can't help but think of all the germs that must be on the keyboard and mouse. Especially because, when I come into the office initially, I touch a bunch of doors, the light switch, etc., and then the first thing I do is turn on my computer and log in, so immediately, whatever viruses or bacteria I have touched before getting into my office is now directly on my mouse. So then, when I wash my hands before lunch, it feels like as soon as I touch my keyboard and mouse, I've re-picked up all of those germs and then picked my my sandwich. See? Do you see? You don't see. And that's why I pay a therapist. *sigh*
BUT, the point is, today, I did it effing anyway. I didn't like it, but I did it. (And I totally think that I'll actually get a stomach bug and want to blame it on doing that, which will make me not want to do it ever again because my logic will be, "See, I was right not to ever touch my food!")
2. Not texting my dad to check in on how Carter is. He didn't really eat much supper and told me that his tummy hurt (probably because he didn't want to eat). The last time he told me his tummy hurt and wouldn't eat, he actually did have a stomach bug, so I immediately start to panic thinking he's sick. Anyway, he still wanted to go to gymnastics and jumped around like the wild man he usually is there so he definitely didn't seem sick. After gymnastics, my dad always buys him a special little treat from the coffee place there, and I was tempted all night to text my dad and see if Carter wanted something and, if he did, if he actually ate it (I left for my yoga class, so I wasn't there to see). Carter is sleeping at my parents' place tonight, so even late tonight - like 9:30, I wanted to text my dad to see if Carter had eaten anything.
But I didn't. And that was hard. And that was a big win.
TWO GOLD STARS FO SHOW.
I'm still totally thinkin' about how he is and if he ate though...
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