Today was my first day with Jeff back. Having him around is just better than not having him around.
In particular, today was good for these reasons:
1. At nearly 1:00 a.m. when Jeff got home, I was still awake. He came right into our room to see if I was up. I was, so I got the best hug ever. I missed this man. I love this man.
2. Listening to Carter sing along to a tv show today. Totally out of tune; totally made me grin like a moron.
3. The kids slept in today until 8:40. Whaaaaat?! They both fell asleep late last night, so they needed a sleep in, and (though it still wasn't enough sleep), so did their dad and I.
4. Having about a 3 hour conversation on the couch with Jeff tonight after the kids were in bed. We haven't really had the chance to really talk yet. He got home so late last night that, though I was up, I was half asleep. Then we didn't have a chance to talk during the day because, well, Carter and Grayson were with us, and you know. Well, if you have kids you know. If you don't have kids and can have a conversation with your spouse... yeah, what's that like?!
I've digressed. My point was sitting on the couch catching up with my favourite human in the entire world was so awesome. This "good thing" was the highlight of my day. No question.
Anxiety Win:
1. Letting Carter use the hand rail (instead of holding my hand) while walking down the stairs in a public place today. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck yuck.
2. Jeff took Carter with him to the grocery store. One of the things they were going to get was bologna (I'm a good parent that way). I heard him ask his dad, "Can I have a peice, Dad?" [as in, before they get home]. Jeff said yes. Carter said, "But can I eat it with my hands?" [I knew where this was going.] "Yes." Carter: "Well, Mom doesn't let me eat it with my hands." Jeff: "Well, we won't tell mom." Jeff made it very joke-y, which I totally appreciate, but things like this really made me realize how much my anxiety impacts my kids. It made me really sad and feel really terrible and, as my therapist says, I will just use this as motivation to get better.
I have a bunch of posts I want to get up in the next week, but time might be a bit of an issue. Either way, I want to chat/rant about:
- some struggles I'm having with who to have on my FB page and who not to have on my FB page, given the kind of content (like these things) that I post
- the frustration I felt last week at the complete lack of warmth and empathy displayed by some and the knee-jerk reaction I have to fight about not, myself, turning into a cold, selfish butt-hole
- a more general picture of where things are at for me therapy/anxiety-wise
Thoughts/suggestions on further ways to explore any of those??
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