DAY 26 - Wednesday, October 19, 2016: Today's Good Things & Anxiety Win

DAY 26 - Wednesday, October 19, 2016: Today's Good Things & Anxiety Win

The truth is that all I actually wanted to do after putting the kids to bed was soak in an obscenely hot bath for an hour, get out and work on a puzzle. Yes. That's correct. I like puzzles. Nay, I love them. Just thinking about working on a puzzle actually puts me in a good mood. True story.

Instead of doing that, though, I got the kids to bed and the cleaned the house until just now: 11:30. Dumb. That's just plain dumb, but so many things about the messy state of the house were driving me crazy that I had to do it. Of course, there were still about 4 things that I didn't get to do that I wanted to do.

No where in there was there any down time, which is also dumb since tomorrow I have an appointment with my therapist, I haven't done any of the homework she "assigned" and I realized today that an engagement at lunch means that I can't use my lunch hour to do it either. Fuck.

It's not actually that big a deal, but I need to do this stuff. Doing it is a big part of what's going to help me get better.

Anyway, since it's late and my alarm is set for 6:00 a.m. *sob*, I should tell you why my day was good.

1. At bedtime tonight, as I got up to leave, Carter asked me to come back and lay with him when I was done my cleaning. I said I would, knowing that he would be long asleep by then. As he said it, his voice broke. He was trying not to cry. I laid by him for a few more seconds, playing with his hair. He said to me, "Eskimo kiss?" in the sweetest little voice. I put my nose down to his. Then he said, "kiss?" So I kissed him. Then, without saying anything, he just hugged me right good. *sigh* and that makes up for the times that he was being a b-hole today. That right there.

2. Last night (yesterday day and into the evening and night) I wasn't feeling very well. Not terrible at all, but like something was brewing. I had a headache all day and felt a little achy. Those two symptoms aren't necessarily indicative of anything with me, though, because I get both of those things a lot. Like, a lot. But my throat was also sore and it only got more sore into the night. Yet, I woke up this morning feeling decent. Still a little like I was fighting something, but as the day wore on, I felt close to 92.6%. I was going to say 90, but that's so boring and predicable, so 92.6 it is.

3. Gray peed on the potty today. And it was his own idea to sit on the potty, not mine. I actually think that if I took a week at home and tried to train him, it might just work. He's so little that it seems crazy to me that it's true. Now to find a week...

Anxiety win:
I let Carter push the cart at Walmart today without first cleaning it or having the cart cover on. This is incredibly gross to me, but I did it anyway and that definitely makes it a win.

It's amazing to me to think about how many "normal" things in life I have to battle against (like letting my nearly 5-year old push a Walmart cart) that other people seriously don't give a second thought to; and not only do they not give a second thought to it, they don't wash their kids hands when they get home. To me, that's actually living right there on the edge. Insane, those people are. #winning