Today was a bit rough, but there were some highlights for sure.
1. My mom was sick with the flu - that's one of the rough parts; my poor Mama Bear! One of the highlights? When I texted her at 4:30 p.m. on my way home from work, she said she was already feeling so much better. A short-lived bug, so that's great!2. This morning, Carter told me that he wanted to wear a tie. Look at how freaking cute this little boys is! How can this not be one of my three good things?!
3. Having my brother Curt over for supper and then heading out with him and the kids to Chapters for book shopping and Starbucks. My favourite way to spend an evening and with one of my very favourite people. Grayson squealed when he saw uncle Curt walking up the drive way and basically cried and yelled "Curt! Curt!..." any time Curtis wasn't in his direct line of sight. He LOVES the men in my family the most. It's neat that he's at that age where he's picking his people and it's his dad, his grandpa and his uncles (and his Amma, is the one female exception!). So sweet!
4. Carter asked to sleep in my bed tonight. Since tomorrow isn't a work day, tonight makes the most sense so I said sure. I just went in and checked on him and, of course, he's passed out. He looks so sweet when he's sleeping, but he looks even cuter and smaller in my big bed. *sappy mom sigh*My awesome anxiety win today:
My therapist is going to be so happy about this when I see her on Thursday.
So, when I get anxious, I email or message someone and try to get them to talk me through it/down. At my last appointment, my therapist said that she wants me to stop and write my way through the conversation that I would have with someone else (usually my brother Curt, but -- frankly, I'm an anxiety whore and I'll talk to anyone who will listen because I do find talking about it so comforting). The therapist wants me to get from myself what I get from other people. She wants me to be the source of my own confidence, instead of having to go outside myself to obtain that. It makes perfect sense.
So today, I had a moment where I got really anxious and I started to text my brother. I stopped three lines in and picked up my journal. I wrote out an entire page that explored what I'm afraid of, what evidence I have to support the likelihood of this feared outcome and, my action plan should this fear actually come to fruition. And, my little pep talk about how I can manage whatever is thrown my way.
It felt so good to do it. To have that conversation with myself instead of someone else. Relying on other people is sometimes important and is sometimes necessary, but I feel really proud of myself for working through this situation on my own today.
It's funny - anxiety becase sometimes I feel so confident in my ability to handle things and other times I feel terrified at the possibility. I can swing widly from one end of the spectrum to the other in a very short period of time. I just need to keep a stronger hold on the confident feeling.
And I will be just fine.
Just fine.
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