This was my day:
I got up, got ready for work; ran Carter to preschool to drop him off; went right from there to Grayson's growth check; ran him to the babysitter's; ran in to work; worked for 5.5 hours with about a 10 minute coffee break; picked up the boys and headed to mom's for supper; got home at 7:15 (past everyone's bedtime); walked with the munchkins to the school down the street to vote in the municipal election; looked like the crazy mom running after her two year old while I was there; came home; bedtime snacks and pjs; books; bed. Then I sat my ass on the couch (at 8:30) and haven't gotten up since. I'm beat.
Today was Grayson's two-year growth check. He will be two years old on Friday (why and how?!). He is in the 37th percentile for weight at 25.3 pounds and the 33rd percentile for height at 33.7 inches. At his last growth check six months ago he was 71st percentile for weight at 25 pounds and the 55th percentile for height at 32 inches.
I was a tiny bit concerned that he hasn't gained any weight, but his doctor wasn't at all, especially considering he is doing exceptionally well in all other developmental areas. She said he's just getting to be "long and lean" like his mama :-)
Ha! Long and lean my ass.
I've talked a lot about how insecure I am about my weight. I am small -- very thin. I've been built this way my whole life and I was picked on in elementary school for being "too skinny." So it's a point of insecurity for me (sometimes; truthfully, other times I'm like, "my god, my body is kick ass." I'm not trying to be arrogant, but just honest about how I feel about myself.) Anyway, I always wished I could be a curvier girl. Bigger boobs (who doesn't want that -- except the really big-boobed among us), an actual ass (I must not have been in line on the day that God was handing those suckers out. ... maybe JLo got my share. Damned JLo); and bigger hips. I just wish I was "fluffier" all around. I loved being pregnant because I gained weight and just felt "softer". Of course, after baby comes and the weight starts to fall off I'm left being my bony self. *sigh*
That was a very long and ridiculous digression, but screw you, it's my blog and I felt like writing it. I bring this up because my stomach in particular has felt "fat" lately. I totally look freaking pregnant (which would be fine if I was actually pregnant). I have been eating terribly these last few months: entire bags of potato chips all to myself; a bag of popcorn with butter on it all to myself; a piece of pumpkin pie with an obscene amount of whipped cream right before bed. And then I wonder why my belly looks fater. Hmmm... what COULD it be?
So, today at the doctor's office, I weighed myself on their good scale, cause ours doesn't have batteries (I don't think) and isn't awesome. I didn't actually think my weight would be any different than it has been for the last year (about 116 pounds). The only reason that I actually weighed myself was so that I could get batteries in our scale at home and figure out how "off" it is so that I can see how much Carter weighs. (More digression... ANYWAY...), I now weigh 120.4 pounds. Say whaaaaaa? I don't care at all that I've gained weight, but think it's funny that I was hoping Gray would have gained weight and here he didn't, but I did. Jeff called it the "+4 popcorn power." He's right about that!
I don't care about the number on the scale, but I do wish my stomach was tighter and flatter (who doesn't, except people who already have this?). So, I probably should start eating better and exercising to tone and strengthen my core. So to start this off right, tonight I had a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks with whole milk and whipped cream. Yup. I can feel my stomach getting tighter right now.
Okay, what was good about today:
1. I worked today so that I could get tomorrow off. I don't want to talk about tomorrow because these posts are supposed to be about what was good about today, not looking to the good things in the future. SO, it's nice that I got my three days done and out of the way already. It feels good. On top of that, it was another really productive day at work. I've had razor sharp focus this week and that's been fan-freaking-tastic.
2. I felt pretty today. It's nice to feel pretty now and again.
3. I missed my boys today and was pretty damned happy to pick them up at the sitter's. They were both so excited to see me, which made me feel pretty good.
Anxiety Win:At the doctor's office today, Grayson saw a toy car that they had in the room we were in while we waited for the doctor. I didn't want to let him have it because I feel like - even more than anywhere else - kid toys at a doctor's office are chalked full of germs that I don't want my kid to come into contact with. I kind of tried to distract him with something else for a second and then, knowing I was being silly, gave him the truck thinking, "fine, this can be my anxiety win for the day."
That's one of the good things about doing this anxiety win posts; quite a few times I've actually done things I didn't want to do because I knew that I could turn around and use them for my anxiety win. I'm actually pushing myself to go beyond my comfort zone because of these posts and that makes the posts doubly fruitful: they are helping me to focus on the progress I'm making, which will help to build confidence going forward; and they also encourage me to push myself in ways I might not have without the need for a win to reference.
#WINNING #StillALittleFreakedOutThough
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